heh,
I just came home from a really pleasant dinner with Wally.
Something we were talking about reminded me of this thread, so I said "hypothetical situation....."
He listened, and said "you are kidding, aren't you?"
I think that's when I realized cyclo must be jerking me around.
I mean, when I said it out loud, it all seemed so ridiculous.
@hello you,
well do u still like the other guy and if klye changed u never kno if he goes bac to his own ways just choose your choice wisly dont keep lien cuz then it will go bac to u and maybe he will understand if u explain it to him
@hello you,
well do u still like the other guy and if klye changed u never kno if he goes bac to his own ways just choose your choice wisly dont keep lien cuz then it will go bac to u and maybe he will understand if u explain it to him
AHA!
I was out in my car, and caught some of the Dr. Laura show.
Woman called.
Husband was having business lunch with client and co-worker.
Afterwards, co-worker (female) invited him back to her house.
Stupidly, he goes, blah blah blah....
Immediately after, gets a case of the guilties goes home and tells wife. His story is it wasn't actually consumated, but the co-worker took her clothes off and had gotten into his pants.
Whatever, close enough.
Tells the wife he left because he thought of her and realized this was wrong and wanted her to know about this, and that he chose her.
She is obviously distraught and pissed.
When she got to the part how he told her, Dr. Laura said "Well, that was his SECOND mistake" and the woman said "yes, he shouldn't have told me"
Dr. Laura: Why do you think he told you?
Wife: .....silence....she's tense, angry, maybe didn't trust her voice at that moment, I don't know.
Dr. Laura (a few seconds later): It made him feel better, didn't it?
Wife:.....yes...I know that's why he told me.
It wasn't in a tone of "Oh I can't believe it, I just realize it now." It was like "yeah of course he told me so he could feel better since he's now confessed"
Dr. Laura said, well, even though he was stupid enough to go to her house in the first place, stupid enough to let anything happen, and stupid enough to tell you, he is giving you a backhanded complement. In that he chose you. That's how he sees it in his mind.
OK, back to me talking.
Yeah he can feel better, now he can be the sinner and take his punishment. If he's punished enough, he's cleansed.
What about her? He's forced her into a role she doesn't want to be in, and he's just as wrong putting her in that situation.
This isn't about ignorance is bliss, or hiding something because you're chicken ****.
This is about "I did wrong. I'm not going to do that again. If would hurt her to tell her, and that's secondary to what it could do to the relationship. Why should I put her in the situation where now she's got to work through all this stuff? Who am I to put her in the place of being the one who know has to spend sleepless night fighting/working this out with me/deciding whether to leave or not/ etc etc etc?....My part here was easy. I dumped my stupid mistake in her lap, under the guise of having to share this stuff for our sake. I'm not doing it for OUR sake, I'm doing it for MY sake, well, 98%. Now all I have to do is suffer the consequences."
To me, it's like a mother telling her child "you know, when I got pregnant with you, I was going to abort. I even got as far as going down to the clinic that day, and was ready to have you aborted...but for whatever reason I didn't....Gee I'm glad you're here!"
If I was that kid, or the adult child, my immediate reaction wouldn NOT be "wow, I'm glad too you didn't abort me, you really showed how much you love me by telling me this"
After the initial "You almost KILLED me before I was born?!!!" I'm sure I would have said "what the hell did you tell me that for? Now, every time I remember a moment you were mad at me, or every time you're angry with me in the future, I'm going to have to wonder if you ever thought you should have gone through with it."
What if I had been a twin in utero, and that fetus HAD been aborted, but I was somehow missed, and she ended up having me and loving me? Great, you tell me you essentially DID abort me, and it's a mistake I'm here.
Even the people closest to you don't have to know everything about you.
Cheaters tell the other person for their own sake, not for the good of the other person. Telling someone you cheated on that you've cheated only serves to hurt their feelings and rid you of a guilty conscience.
If you are 100% sure you've never do it again, don't tell. If you think you might, leave him.
100% right.
When I told my first husband I wanted a separation, he told me he had cheated. I actually thanked him for telling me. It was all I needed to decide to divorce him. His telling me about cheating was just one more example of his self-centeredness. But it was the last one.
@hello you,
Take responsibility for your own actions..
Or else you would keep it with you forever
even suffering because of it
Unless you can ignore the fact that you did that to him and keep your mouth shut
If not take responsibility for your own actions
even if it might end everything with him atleast you did the right thing
for the better or for the worst
I'm mostly with Chia2 on this. Didn't you, hello me, say that guy had been treating you shitty before the incident with his friend and you were thinking of breaking up with him? Maybe you did break up with him, or it felt that way?
It's not like you are married to this person. And the other guy made you happy. Hey, what a surprise that your boyfriend treats you better. His friend made you happy, and happy people are attractive. So, he began treating you better, he likes yu better.
I wouldn't tell that bf anything. Should he find out, though, tell him about how miserable and unhappy he made you, treating you shitty like that.
Young love...sob
@chai2,
Ahem.
Sorry, I just always thought honesty is the best policy.
I guess that just makes me gullible.
