Turned off by wife wearing short cut dresses

So -- this is a one-time thing and you're allowing it to affect everything? Is that what I'm reading?

If so, don't you think you're using it as an excuse to feel a particular way?

dude, i love it when your wife wears that short skirt, she's got great legs

First DestinysDad, I have to say this; It is not about the dress. It is not about objectification of women or about image disorders.

From reading your post, it sounds like part of you understands this.

I can understand your feelings, and I think it is a good thing to communicate them (as long as you accept that the issue is your feelings). I am skeptical that one dress in a fashion show would cause issues in a relationship unless the issues are already there.

The bottom line is that what she wears is her choice. You have several choices. I think communication in a relationship is a very good thing; I absolutely think that you should express your feelings. It seems to me the best response is that after you have expressed yourself you accept her and let it drop. Of course you could leave her over this (it doesn't sound like you want to do this); but, the idea of damaging the relationship over this (i.e. living in a less than ideal marriage) sounds like the worst of all options. On the other hand, you could decide to put your feelings aside a give her the support she is asking for (and yes she has a similar range of options).

I don't think your feelings are atypical. In fact, in many marriages they are common.

The only suggestion is that you should recognize that your feelings are really the only issue here. Express them, accept that this is her decision, and then do what you can do to have a good marriage.

i've not been married, but whenever i've been in a relationship, this is the way i feel too

This event is a one time thing. I didn't mean to sound like it affects everything, it just really bothers me and i'm not really turned on by her while this thought is fresh in my head; and I really want to be ok with it more than anything.

As far as using it as an excuse, that's possible. i am usually afraid to say anything less than complimentary about any outfit my wife or any woman wears .... and maybe this was my opening to speak up.

Men all over the Middle East share your sentiment, so you aren't alone.

If your wife was being forced to wear alluring clothing, your point about objectifying women might have validity, but she is choosing to wear this and perhaps likes to feel attractive on occasion. You clearly have something else going on here. Perhaps her appearing attractive threatens you. Maybe you don't like the thought of other men appreciating her appearance. While you might not like the dress, I don't see how her wearing something sexy on Monday makes you "turned off by her" on Tuesday. It sounds like some sort of power play on your part. Could this be cultural? You don't mention your background, but rules governing women's clothing are different elsewhere in the world.

Very true. one dress does not cause issues. we've actually had somewhat related issues prior to this regarding my wife's image; and how she feels about herself. she's very beautiful, but doesnt feel that way as a subscriber to what popular culture can dictate as being attractive.

she beats herself up over eating, exercises excessively after eating certain things, etc ... and anything i say can escalate into a very unpleasant argument which makes me not want to share anything. She understands these are her issues; but they affect me too.

Since you're an anonymous person, who apparently came here for to hear untainted opinions, I hope you'll take this one constructively. Your wife obsessing about her appearance is hardly abnormal for a pretty woman, and is likely part of what attracted you to her to begin with.

Your obsessing about her appearance is a very unattractive thing. It betrays an insecurity that few, if any, women would appreciate. If she looks hot in the dress, tell her she looks hot! Why would you want to take away from something that obviously makes her feel good about her?

If you're like most of us guys; you probably couldn't care less what you wear. Women tend to like to feel pretty, and it's pretty shitty of you to think your insecurities are more important.

Let her decide.
You'll never hear the end of it if you don't

I agree with Bill! You let your own insecurities project into hers. You should
support your wife and be proud of her, instead you're eaten up with jealousy and insecurities. Those are very, very unattractive attributes your harboring and if you keep it up, your wife will take it face value and will change the things in her life that make her feel miserable.

This may be an opportunity then, if you can get over your feelings and support her in this. Having a supportive spouse is a great help to one's self-image, and it seems that this would be a good way to strengthen a marriage.

Thanks for the advice to you and Bill; and all. I agree these are very unattractive qualities; and i will do my best to support her. i tend to be ok with these on the converse of this. This may be a lousy example, but best i could come up w/ from the other gender-side.

My wife felt the same way i do for going to a high-end strip club in Vegas on a bachelor party. She obviously does not support that and understands i really don't care to go; but i was there to support my friends. To respect my wife, i let her choose what she was comfortable with; and followed that. Therefore, I (despite being VERY unpopular w/ my friends) refused all paid lap dances and other things purchased for me. In terms of jealousy/insecurity, it's somewhat similar. To me, i'm glad she cared enough to not want me in a strip club!!

I was hoping she could just pick the less-showy option for the show, but i will try as advised to support her.

I am glad you have come to this conclusion, DestinkysDad. Your wife will
thank you for it tenfold, I am sure of it.

Somehow I don't see the correlation between a fashion show and a strip club.

Good on y0u for applying reason, dude. Remember, we humans thrive on what the eyes see and the ears hear and the heart believes... You know you love her, so when she comes home, show her with your eyes how sexy you think she is and then whisper it in her ear, before nibbling on her neck... and see if she doesn't respond a bit better than you're used to. (This isn't a bad idea, on any night. Trust me!)

what is in common is an aversion to the erotic.

Down, boy.... haha

Cycloptichorn

You don't see the correlation between a woman dressing in a sexy dress and a man getting someone to sit on his penis and wiggle around? Now that you mention it, that does seem like a strange parallel to draw.

I don't see the difference.

((Other then at a fashion show, the cookie-cutter, unrealistically thin models-- who are trained to be expressionless dummies, are used as props to sell merchandise with no interaction with the audience, and no distinction or creativity permitted.))