Useless Theories

You're calling this theory useless???

My current useless theory is that the space-time-continuum must be warped in New York's Central Park: Whichever way you run around it, you run uphill for the most part. I'll need to read up on the geometry of space-time to develop a more sophisticated useless theory.

The theory stands as useless in my scientific study.

Too bad. I bet it has remarkable predictive power.

My final useless theory for today is this: Whenever the Supreme Court hands down a decision, it will cause a certain amount of outrage on the one side, triumphalism on the other, and sheer noise just in general. The amount is inversely proportional to the degree to which people have read and understood it.

If, when playing my son @Scrabble, I have played a word which can only be played upon to join to a nearby Triple Word Score by a single, rare lettered tile, the chances of him having that tile are 100%.
If, same scenario, but playing against LittleK, the chances are 200%.

Joe(followed by me selecting all vowels for my rack)Nation

Aw. I actually have a theory about FB Scrabble. I think the games are stacked. For a long stretch of games I couldn't get much higher than 200 pts per game. I have been playing scrabble for decades, I don't think I am getting better at it. i think that there is some program enhanced luck involved (I remember Joe Nation kicking my a$$ by big numbers for a while there).

I had just been thinking about FB games when I popped in here to see Joe's post. I have a theory about them. I see Ivy League business management types developing games (involving risk, playing odds, cost-analysis) to study human decision making. In fact, I theorize that this has already begun.

That must be why after every game they send me an email survey about your attitude.
Joe(My theory is that they are interested how often you are in the shower.)Nation

So I presume that the amount of noise the President made in using terms like "devastating to the public interest" and "undermining" democracy is mathematical proof that he hadn't read it or hadn't understood it in the slightest. It was large noise.

Which is surprising.

Last week I saw a guy at the bar wearing a T-shirt that said:

"Tell your boobs to stop staring at my eyes"

I have a theory that Americans have a thing about the word "tits".

It's understandable I suppose.

In the UK it means an imbecile.
Want to provoke a titter from a Limey? Just utter the word "knickers"

I'm afraid I'll have to disqualify this theory of yours for being useful.

David Friedman, an economics professor at Santa Clara U and one of my favorite authors on the internet, has proposed just that on his blog last year (using World of Warcraft, not Facebook). I'm pretty sure he has written earlier posts on a Usenet group for science fiction writers. (Friedman is also an author fantasy-ish fiction. Although Baen considered it good enough to merit printing, I don't think fiction is Friedman's strong suit. But I digress.) Anyway, here's his blog post:


Full Post

Not really. An imbecile is a mentally retarded person and as such often envied by those burdened throughout life with being mentally advanced. In this context a "tit" is someone who does some things in an odd way but is perfectly rational and normal otherwise. Affected speech for example or a particularly exaggerated mode of dress. In some peoples eyes Black Rod looks a "tit" when he performs his state functions. A referee is often considered to be a tit. Or someone who dyes his hair. Or has a funny walk.

When "imbecile" is used loosely it is usually to express disagreement with a viewpoint not agreed with. Liberals resort to such inane subjectivities when faced with views they have no answer to as can be seen almost daily on the evolution debates on A2K . To avoid embarrassing repetition and the impression that can be given of a limited vocabulary other synomyms are often employed such as "dipshit", "idiot", "moron, " or the assertion that one has one's head up one's arse.

Similarly a "boob" is a mistake. And tits as female secondary sexual characteristics are definitely not mistakes. In fact tits are a wonderful example of bounteous nature in her most delightful aspects and to categorise them as "boobs" suggests a certain shame in regard to them which I have to say I do not share. A puritanical euphemism on the verge of pretending tits don't exist or, if they do, should be dealt with as neutrally as possible rather than with the appropriate respect and considerateness which these items obviously deserve and, indeed, have a right to expect.


[/quote]Want to provoke a titter from a Limey? Just utter the word "knickers" [/quote]

This is true. We do find "knickers" a word which elicits a certain frisson of joy and provocation. There are many words of this type which comedians are practiced at inserting into their routines in order to keep their audience attentive. "Breech clout", which is an alternative, is only considered funny in centres of the higher learning or other locations where intellectuals are known to gather. "Trollies" is more cynical. "Panties" we find here to be a trifle juvenile. Schoolgirls wear panties. It would be a dire solecism to refer to Baroness Trumpington's personal attire in this respect as panties. "Bloomers" has gone out of fashion which I find rather sad.

It might be because it rhymes with snickers and other words which it might be considered indiscreet to mention.

I assume pan that you have a tendency to blush when you hear the word "knickers" in company.

It is a very interesting subject actually and much information can be gleaned concerning the national character when the matter is studied with the scientific empiricism which it is my settled habit to bring to bear upon on any matter which piques my interest.

Why, you form a guild and go raiding, of course!

I have a theory that diet soda changes the acidity in your mouth and prevents tooth decay. (Of course I say that with a diet soda on my desk.)

I have a theory that caffeine causes me not to sleep well at night, resulting in ever-increasing caffeine intake in the morning.

Eventually, I will cause a caffeine singularity.

DIY projects are twice as hard and will take three times as long as you estimate.

Knowing this rule will prevent you from ever doing a DIY project, because it results in infinitely expensive and infinitely long projects, as you go back and recursively revise your estimate.

I have long subscribed to the Mylastname Theory of the Inverse Ratio of Expectations to Fulfillment, finding that if I worry about something negative happening, it won't, and that if I don't even consider worrying, it will.

This of course is based on my own behavior of only noticing this inversion when the ratio occurs and not the non-inversion when it doesn't (if you follow that).

Yes, but cognitive biases are a hobby of mine.

The amount of pleasure derived from completing a crossword never exceeds the amounts felt while doing the puzzle itself.

Joe(perhaps why I hardly ever finish one.)Nation