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What exactly do you say in a rememberance speech?

 
 
Reply Mon 28 Dec, 2009 04:39 pm
That sounds really stupid but i actually have no idea what to write. I asked my parents and they said "write from the heart"...
Oddly enough, that didn't help.
What kind of stuff am i supposed to say? I've never even been to a funeral before.
I'm like, the first one to speak so i don't know if that makes a differnce.
I just though i'd ask if anyone has any tips, or has anyone wrote one before, i just don't know what kind of thing to include. Any idea's?
Neutral
 
Mame
 
  2  
Reply Mon 28 Dec, 2009 04:47 pm
@AbbieMcKenley,
Well, usually the speeches concentrate on what you liked, admired, loved about the person. You can say how she affected people around her, how funny she was, talk about the things stuck on the wall in the hospital, things she liked and used to do. How much you'll miss her. Things like that.

For example:

I'm really going to miss Lilia. Even though she was only 10, she was a real character. She used to do .... and .... and .... We were really close. She always made me laugh and she was so spunky. (Give some examples of what made her special). Etc Etc Etc ... She told me she was scared to die, but at the end, she was with her family, in my dad's arms and she went very peacefully. I'll always be grateful for that. I'm always going to miss and love my special sister.
````

You can try it out here, if you like, Abbie. All the best, hon.
Izzie
 
  3  
Reply Mon 28 Dec, 2009 05:01 pm
@AbbieMcKenley,
My friend had a speech, along with her two children, when her husband died unpextedly in their home - he was not it- it was shocking, heartbreaking.

It was not your run of the mill funeral. She didn'l look at the speech she had written - she just couldn't - but she found a voice to speak with when she stood up - she looked directly at Michaels coffin as if she were talking to him - she spoke from heart, midst tears. So did the children (young kids - 11 and 13)

she remembered things and said them, places they had been, her comfort and love for him - she laughed annd cried, said how much she would miss him - everyone one of us was deeply affected. You see, she talked to "him" and him only - we weren't even in the room in her eyes - to her husband - she spoke of things we didn't know abuot.. that gave an insight to their relationship which no-one (bar a couple) knew about. People learned a lot about her departed husband with what she said.

it was very different and difficult, uplifting to see her strength of character, tho she had a friend along side of her to support her from behind, should she not be able to continue.

It will come from heart - but whatever you say - it is a conversation between you and Lilia - your way of letting her be at peace and knowing you will always love her.

After the funeral, we celebrated his life - people found it hard to look her and the kids in the eye - they avoided her - that continued that for a long time, weeks, months, people did not know what to say, so with eyes down they would say nothing about Mike, even crossing the road to avoid having to ask how she was. The pain that caused her was inimaginable. He did exist - he was worth talking about.

Eventually - she wished to shout out loud "don't you all realised he's gone and i have to continue - don't pretend he didnt exist" - she did that a few times. Quite loudly.

Very difficult.

Talk to Lilia as you would have spoken to her if she were here. Tell how much you will miss her , remind everyone of the things you got up to that you'll hold in your heart forever - it;s your time to let her know how special she is to you.

(apols for typos - late in the UK... need sleep)

Do whatever you can that feels right for you - play her favourite record, leave the service feeling as tho are never walking away from her - she'll always be in your heart.
0 Replies
 
msolga
 
  1  
Reply Mon 28 Dec, 2009 05:11 pm
@AbbieMcKenley,
I think it would be lovely if you included one of the poems you've written for your sister, Abbie.
0 Replies
 
Intrepid
 
  1  
Reply Mon 28 Dec, 2009 09:00 pm
@AbbieMcKenley,
Abbie, I really can't add much to what others have already said. When I saw this thread title, I was not aware that it was about your little sister. I had followed your original thread about her. I am so sorry that you have lost Lilia, but you knew you would. You seem to be handling things in an incredibly mature manner and I applaud you on this.

Your sister, based on what you have written, sounds like she was an incredible little girl. You are fortunate to have had each other.

As for what you could say. You have already written many things in your "How come when someone dies, everyone acts like they never existed?" thread. These are the kinds of things that people should hear.

Also, I know that it can be very difficult to speak without emotions overcoming one when they make such a speech. Some can do it and some cannot.

I was recently at a funeral where the mother and sisters of the girl that had passed made a rememberance speech. They were so overcome that nobody could understand what they were saying. It would have been nice to hear their words.

One funeral that I attended earlier this year was for the mother of a woman we know. She was very close to her mother and knew that she would break down when it came time to speak. What she did was write everything out that she wanted to say. She had a very good friend who had the ability to make good speeches read what she had written. Her friend put the words into a meaningful memorial for our friend's mother. This is just another way that things can be done.

You seem strong enough to do the speech on your own. Speak as if you are talking to your sister, not those in attendance. I wish you all the very best and you can know that there are many people on this forum that wish the same for you.
0 Replies
 
AbbieMcKenley
 
  5  
Reply Mon 28 Dec, 2009 09:39 pm
@Mame,
Quote:
Lilia, I can honestly say you are the most amazing kid ever, however much you would have protested against me saying that.
For half your life you’ve battled cancer. You had so many intense courses of radiation and chemotherapy so many horrible side effects, but somehow you didn’t once complain about it. I’ll always remember how you kept smiling even when she didn’t have the strength to talk. When you went into remission you were so happy and ready to get on with you life. Even when you relapsed, you took it in your stride. I don’t know how someone so small could have so much strength. I don’t think I could have been as strong as you were, you fought for so long and there were so many things you wanted to do.

On Boxing Day we spent the morning playing hangman and noughts and crosses, we made biscuits and messed about with make-up. You put so much effort into doing that and making sure you had fun, made memories. That evening you lay on the couch and we spoke about how much you were looking forward to being an angel, you told me how much the last few days had meant to you and Lilia, I know you knew that you were ready, so thank you so much sweetie for letting me know you’d be okay. It hurts so much every time I remember that I’m never going to hear you singing or laughing again. I’m never going to watch Harry Potter with you and its hell to remember that I’m going to have to grow up without you. I can’t wait to be with you again, time with you was the happiest moments of my life and I don’t know how we’re going to carry on without you but like I promised, we’ll try.
Everywhere you went you brightened up; you inspired everyone you met with your continuous bravery and optimism. Lilia, you will always be my hero, I will never forget the conversations we had, the moments we shared and the fun you gave everyone.

Lilia had a saying, “if you don’t push away, it’ll push you down” and she is so right. We need to push away the pain we’re all feeling in losing our little angel and know that cancer can’t hurt her anymore. Wherever she is and whatever she’s doing now, she left behind her diseased body and is free to run and dance again.

I’d like to say that all though my sister has passed away, we do still want to talk about her and remember her. Many of you have avoided saying her name since she went, I appreciate that you’re trying not to upset us but by not talking about her it feels like you’re forgetting our gorgeous little girl. We need to know that you miss her too, we still want to cry about her and we certainly don’t want to act like she never existed.
Thank you for coming today and saying goodbye to Lilia with us. In the end, she'd just had some of the happiest days of her life, she died so happy and peaceful that none of us have any regrets about the way she went. Thank you all for the support you’ve given us for the last 5 years.


Thats what i've written so far, i'm sure i'll change it millions of times but the first one i wrote was about 6 pages long. It really is impossible to get everything down to a few paragraphs. Everything i write i can just imagine her sat in the audience laughing at everything i say. I did at first write it to the people there but i liked what you were all saying about writing it for Lilia, so i changed it to that. Thank you all for the idea's. Once i started it was easier.
Mame
 
  2  
Reply Mon 28 Dec, 2009 10:03 pm
Oh Abbie, that is beautiful. Beautiful and perfect. Good job.
0 Replies
 
Intrepid
 
  2  
Reply Tue 29 Dec, 2009 12:56 am
@AbbieMcKenley,
You are amazing. Beautiful words.
0 Replies
 
Butrflynet
 
  2  
Reply Tue 29 Dec, 2009 01:39 am
You might get some ideas from this:

When my dad died a couple years ago, I collected some favorite photos, momentos and other silly little items that reminded me of him and talked about each item and why I chose it. At the end, I put them into a small box and asked that they be buried with my dad's body.

Some of the silly items I collected were seashells and rubber worms to remember all the fishing we did together when I was a kid. Another silly item was a small bag of peanut shells because as my dad got older and dementia started setting in, the family always knew where he was by following the trail of peanut shells he left behind. I also included a handful of almonds because that was his favorite gift to each of us at holiday times and birthdays. He'd send us each a 5 pound bag of shelled almonds and we never understood why but loved that he did. I included photos of he and I doing chores around our various houses when I was little. In one of them I was wearing his big work boots and straw hat and he was teaching me how to mow the lawn with a push mower. That's where my love of gardening started. In another, I was at his office learning how to sort and file invoices from him. That was the inspiration for my career in accounting. Another was me hugging tightly to him in a swimming pool when I was a kid and how he made me feel safe.
0 Replies
 
OmSigDAVID
 
  2  
Reply Tue 29 Dec, 2009 02:20 am
@AbbieMcKenley,
AbbieMcKenley wrote:

That sounds really stupid but i actually have no idea what to write.
I asked my parents and they said "write from the heart"...
Oddly enough, that didn't help.
What kind of stuff am i supposed to say? I've never even been to a funeral before.
I'm like, the first one to speak so i don't know if that makes a differnce.
I just though i'd ask if anyone has any tips, or has anyone wrote one before,
i just don't know what kind of thing to include. Any idea's?
Neutral

I 've never done that, but I suggest that u interweave
interesting, fun and memorable incidents and events.
Look upon it not as a burdensome task,
but as a fun opportunity to tell everyone about the best of Lilia.
Enjoy your opportunity to show your love and admiration of Lilia.

Tell them what were the most important things in your relationship with Lilia.
What are the most important things that people shoud remember about Lilia?
What was she good at? What did she like?
If Lilia were delivering the address, what do u think she 'd include?
What woud she wish to be remembered for?
Decide whether u want to organize it based on a sequential time line or not.
0 Replies
 
OmSigDAVID
 
  2  
Reply Tue 29 Dec, 2009 03:04 am
@AbbieMcKenley,
That is really very, very good, Abbie. U r a talented writer.
That 's a beautiful job.

I especially liked your skillfully drawn
and very well articulated last 2 paragrafs
about continuing to talk about Lilia, continuing to recognize her life.

GOOD WORK!!!


David
0 Replies
 
dlowan
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 Dec, 2009 03:49 am
@AbbieMcKenley,
Wonderful, Abbie!
0 Replies
 
msolga
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 Dec, 2009 05:01 am
@AbbieMcKenley,
Quote:
Thats what i've written so far, i'm sure i'll change it millions of times...


That's just terrific, Abbie.
Can't tell you how impressed I am by what you've said.
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 Dec, 2009 06:42 am
@msolga,
Excellent, truly perfect.
0 Replies
 
mm25075
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 Dec, 2009 10:21 am
Lovely Abbie!
0 Replies
 
OCCOM BILL
 
  3  
Reply Tue 29 Dec, 2009 11:15 am
@AbbieMcKenley,
Wow! Hellova speech Abbie. Enough to make this grown man cry. I surely can't improve on that, but I did want to tell you that I've admired your strength and character from your opening post. Brilliant work on Lilia's speech. She's already smiling down on you for writing it. ((((( AbbieMcKenley )))))
AbbieMcKenley
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 Dec, 2009 02:16 pm
@OCCOM BILL,
I just wanted to share this with you.
This is how lilia's funeral will be, my uncle wrote it and i think it sounds perfect;

Quote:
Lilia Skye McKenley was born on February the 12th 1999. She was ten years old when she died on Boxing Day of 2009. Her cause of death was Neuroblastoma, a rare childhood cancer.

Lilia’s coffin will be lilac as she requested and will be brought to the service in a white hearse, adorned with Lilies. This has been arranged with your funeral director. She will be brought to the front at the beginning of the service and will be buried after.
Lilia’s family do not wish for an open coffin, as they want their little girl to be remembered as the healthy happy girl she used to be and not how she was at the end of her life.
Lilia’s mother has provided a dress that she wishes Lilia to wear and also a photograph that she wishes to be displayed. I have also enclosed a disk with the songs the family have requested. I plan on coming up an hour before the service to set up decorations. Lilia was young girl and her family and I wish that the final goodbye should reflect this. I may say in advance, this funeral will not be your normal funeral. Lilia was funny, happy and sweet and her funeral will be a tribute to that. Our guests have been informed that black clothing will not be necessary for this; we have asked they wear bright fun colours. The decorations will be anything from colourful spirals to balloons; this is a celebration, not a dismal affair. I noticed on the email you sent us that you provide refreshments in the form of hot drinks for adults and juice for children. However, i will be bringing our own refreshments that we feel relect Lilia better.
All intending to speak have their own speeches that they wish to read out themselves. Her parents have informed me that they expect upward of 200 people to attend the service but only wish for a select few to be present at the burial. All though Lilia’s family are not religious they have arranged for a priest to lead the burial due to Lilia’s personal interest in religion.
If you have any additional queries please contact me.
David McKenley
Lilia’s Uncle


Its written to the funeral home that the service is going to be, i don't think he could have planned it better for her.
These are the songs we're playing, if you'd like to hear them.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xenSzMQfaug
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yt7z_qllu64
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xiSuw-lA3E
Butrflynet
 
  2  
Reply Tue 29 Dec, 2009 02:45 pm
@AbbieMcKenley,
It sounds like your uncle will be a source of great comfort to you and your family and I think your sister would be very pleased with how you are celebrating her life rather than mourning her death.

How are you doing, Abbie?
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 Dec, 2009 02:55 pm
@AbbieMcKenley,
I'm really liking your uncle, Abbie! Sounds very appropriate to Lilia - I'm so glad it's a celebration rather than a somber funeral deal. Let us know how it goes, eh?
0 Replies
 
AbbieMcKenley
 
  2  
Reply Tue 29 Dec, 2009 02:59 pm
@Butrflynet,
Not too bad.
I can't believe it's been 3 days since i last saw her smile , hugged her. 3 days since i last heard her laugh. It feels like forever.
My little brothers been really angry all day he "just wants too see Li-Li." It's been something of a challenge to try to explain everything to him, he's only 6.
My mum and I went into town today, we got Lilia this dress, it's really beautiful. A couple of my friends came over and i surprised how much they wanted to talk about her, considering how everyone else has been. The funerals on Thursday and it's been differcult for everyone. So many people have replied to say they'll be there, i'm so proud that Lilia touched so many people.
 

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