Make it funny in English, please

The title should be short and snappy, just enough to grab the reader's/listner's attention. including to use once is...??? not necessary.
"May I Borrow Your Daughter" give me some idea that the joke will be about someone who wants to borrow someone elses daughter. Borrow rather than use

To clarify the useage of the word USE. I can use an object without problems. May i use your saw/hammer/knife/computer/couch. when the word is applied directly to people there are grey areas. Tone of voice and context of the useage can be important when applied directly to people, as can qualifiers to clarify what use is intended for the person.

"I want to/can I use your wife/daughter" could be interpreted as i want to have sex with your wife especially if i use a tone that indicates sexual interest. I must add that I would never say this particular sentence as I'm sure i would end up getting beaten up. I want to use your wife's cleaning skills is acceptable.

I must qualify the above by saying my interpretation could be coloured by colloquialism. (colloquialism = special local interpretation) but i was immediatly concerned by the word "use" in the title.

The little girl could "cry out in surprise" You have used WOW! Which indicates surprise. In addition the word patience kind of slows down the whole flow of the joke.

perhaps... "the little girl eagerly awaits each new dress and cries out in surprise WOW!..."

EhBeth is a woman.

By the way, this is a really fascinating topic. Thank you for starting it.

Moral: poop jokes are universal. Maybe we can use them to broker world peace.

I agree with dadpad's comments re: "borrow" rather than "use" in the little-girl joke. I might re-tell it along the lines of:

May I Borrow Your Daughter?

A woman and her 6-year-old daughter go shopping for clothes for the mom. The little girl is very patient as her mom tries on dress after dress. Each time the girl cries, "Wow, Mom, you look so pretty!"

After this has happened several times, a lady pokes her head out from the fitting room next to theirs and asks the mom, "May I borrow your daughter for a minute?"


It's more in the "cute/ amusing" category than "funny/ hilarious," but it works better than some others here.

I left out "fat" because it didn't seem necessary -- clearly the woman who asked to borrow the daughter wants to get that sort of affirmation.

The knowledge is useful.
Thank you.

Apparently I have had a problem in recognizing the gender of a username.

Apology to Ms. EbBeth for misunderstanding her username.

But how? How to recognize the gender of those username exactly?

For example, Dadpad, Jespah... Ms. or mister?

Thank you for editing!

With your joining, our joys in cultural exchange get amplified.

Truthfully, I think you've over-stated the success rate of the jokes you've worked on in this thread.

While you've been able to get them translated to the point where we can understand why they might be found amusing, they are not good jokes as long as they need explanations.

~~~

Do you have access to DVD's of North American humorists so you can hear how North American jokes are structured? Can you access Youtube? It seems that you might benefit from really hearing the rhythm of North American humour/jokes.

I'm a Miss (er, a Missus). I'm married to Region Philbis who is another A2Ker (he's obviously a he). Also on my profile I make sure to say I'm a woman because I know my user name is kind of gender-neutral.

Dadpad is a guy (the name "Dad" is the giveaway, it's what a lot of people -- myself included -- call our fathers).

That is true.
Now the success rate has dropped to 20%, so I (we?) are struggling to survive.

I cannot visit youtube, because stuppid Chinese government has blocked it and, well, I tried using proxy, but again the once-worked proxy now failed. PM me if you want to help.

DVD's of North American humorists? Any link online to hint me a bit more?

You've reminded me to click usernames to learn more information about them.

Thanks

Here goes the seventh:

Write More

Translated by OristarA

Dandan and her mommy go angling. After returning home, Dandan quickly finishes her diary: "Today mom and I went angling by lake. We are so delighted that we've angled a 2 jin big fish."

Seeing that her daughter has written so simply, the mom is irritated:"Write more!"

Danna lowers her head. After a pause, she writes it again: "Today mom and I went angling by lake. We are so delighted that we've angled a 5 jin big fish."

That is humerous. the humour comes from the misinterpretation of "make it bigger".

MAKE IT BIGGER

Translated by OristarA (with assistance from members of the A2K online community)

Dandan and her mommy go FISHING. After returning home, Dandan quickly finishes her diary: "Today mom and I went FISHING AT THE lake. We are delighted that we CAUGHT a 2 POUND/KILO fish."

Seeing that her daughter has written ONLY A SHORT SENTANCE, the mom is irritated: "MAKE IT BIGGER! " SAYS THE MOM

Danna lowers her head. After a pause, she writes it again: "Today mom and I went angling by lake. We are delighted that we CAUGHT a 5 POUND/KILO fish."

Notes
Some (American) people might say fishing ON the lake. Most BrE speakers would say fishing AT the lake.
Much of the worlds uses the metric system of weights and measures thus i would use kilograms (or kilos as the shortened form), however the Americans are a bit backward and still use an imperial system I believe thus pounds, feet and inches.

I do like A2K online community. The cooperation between us indeed makes the world a warmer place.

"Longer" could work too...

As in, "Mommy and I caught a 2-foot-long fish"

Mommy says "make it longer!" (as in, the sentence) and Dandan writes "Mommy and I caught a 4-foot-long fish."

("Make it bigger" doesn't strike me quite right as something a person would say about a sentence.)

Here goes the eighth:

Request

Translated by OristarA


In a restaurant, a customer requests the manager:"Please allow me to be a waiter here."

"I'm sorry. We have had enough waiters." the manager replies.

"Enough? Can you show me one? I've been sitting here for more than an hour and no waiter comes to receive me."

Here's how I'd write it:

A customer stops a restaurant manager as he walks by and says "I'd like to apply for the waiter job." The manager replies "I'm sorry, we don't have any openings right now" to which the customer says "that's strange because I've been here an hour without any service!"

What a thorough overhaul!
Thanks!

Here goes the ninth:

Waiting for Green Light

Translated by OristarA

That night Ah Liang drank. He insisted to drive his girlfriend home. At the begining, he drove steadily. When they came to a cross, the red traffic light lit. So he stopped the car.

Strange enough, Ah Liang waited quite a while until his girlfriend urged him impatiently:" What are you waiting for, Ah Liang? Let's go!"

"Oh no!" Ah Liang raised his head, pointed to the moon in the sky, and replied with drawn voice, "Dear, we must abide by the traffic rule. Look, the green light is still not lit yet."

That doesnt work.
traffic ligts are Red (stop) orange (caution) or green (Go).
TThe moon is silver. It could not In anyones wildest drunken dreams be mistaken for any kind of traffic light, red or otherwise.

In DWI, is it still not possible?

The joke was published in the most popular pop magazine STORIES in China. The editor also drew a paint for the joke, which proves that the editor thought it was a good one.