9
   

Make it funny in English, please

 
 
oristarA
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Nov, 2009 03:29 am
I'm encouraged, guys. Thank you for commenting.

And please don't forget to provide your opinion grammatically rhetorically to polish it.

Here goes the fourth.


The Murderer

Translated by OristarA

A cloak-and -dagger drama is being staged in a theater. When an ordience suddenly stands up and cries out, because he is too absorded by the performance, "Where on earth is the murderer? We'd get to find him out soon."

A cold voice comes from behind:"The killer'll be right behind you if you still don't sit down."
dadpad
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Nov, 2009 04:17 am
@oristarA,
The joke was immediatly apparent in this one Oris.. chuckle worthy at least.
below are a few changes IN BOLD and red

A cloak-and -dagger drama is being staged in a theater. When an AUDIENCE MEMBER, because he is SO absorded by the performance, suddenly JUMPS up and cries out, "Where on earth is the murderer? WE NEED TO KNOW WHO HE IS SOON"

A cold voice comes from behind:"The killer'll be right behind you if you still don't sit down."

[/quote]

Omsigdavid would be proud of your attempt at "ordience".
0 Replies
 
oristarA
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Nov, 2009 07:17 am
Thanks for polishing, Dadpad.

Now goes the fifth:


The Interesting Little Tiger
Translated by OristarA

A little tiger comes slowly to a little squarrel. Blushing, he says, "Please, please... can I eat you?"

The little squarrel thinks that the little tiger is very interesting, so he replies, "Is it the first time that you eat animals?"

"Yes, it is." is the answer. "Mom is not at home today."

Amazed. The little squarrel asks him again, "What have you eaten then?"

"Sucking my mom's breast," so saying, the little tiger's face flushes redder.
engineer
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Nov, 2009 07:30 am
@oristarA,
Is there a punch line coming for this one? It seems incomplete.
panzade
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Nov, 2009 07:33 am
@engineer,
this one might have at its core, the cultural view of breast feeding...I'm guessing.
0 Replies
 
oristarA
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Nov, 2009 08:08 am
Oops!
This one is a failure.

I've ever read Bill Clinton's My Life, in which he says when his boyhood female friend called him "Billy sucks bottles, billy sucks bottles" , he got mad because he thought he was already a big boy and no longer sucked bottles at all.

That is why I deem "sucking breast" is an embarrasing thing and can serve as a punch line.

And you two think that is a failure.

Thank you. Get it improved if you are free.
panzade
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Nov, 2009 08:17 am
@oristarA,
Quote:
And you two think that is a failure.


Not a failure....more like a cultural divide that doesn't allow the joke to be translated.
oristarA
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Nov, 2009 08:22 am
@panzade,
I wonder what cultural divide do you think is there?
engineer
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Nov, 2009 08:23 am
@oristarA,
Can you explain why you think this is funny? It's not offensive or anything like that, I just don't see any humor in it. Should an infant lion be embarrassed to be breast fed?
0 Replies
 
panzade
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Nov, 2009 08:26 am
@oristarA,
I'm not sure if I know. I just know there's no way I can rewrite your joke to make it funny to me.
0 Replies
 
oristarA
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Nov, 2009 09:32 am
I got it, guys!

I know what is the cultural divide interfered here.

Yes, the breast feed is great (scientifically speaking , it is) in western perspective. Chinese people think so, too. But more than that, Chinese folks also think admitting sucking breast is a behavior of being naive and immature. The cultural divide is in fact huge here. Children in the West are respected by adults, who, for example, in middle schools, call students as Mr. or Miss. And such respectful titles are unimaginable for students in China's middle schools. Chinese adults, when in anger, would reproach young people as a brat whose mouth still has the trace of breast. No Chinese child would like to admit that he is still sucking breast, because which would be one of most embarrasing things in their lives...

ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Nov, 2009 12:13 pm
@oristarA,
oristarA wrote:
No Chinese child would like to admit that he is still sucking breast, because which would be one of most embarrasing things in their lives...


this explanation makes your "story" even less of a joke than it seemed before

http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/english/doc/2004-04/06/content_321053.htm

Humor is difficult to translate at the very best of times.
Francis
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Nov, 2009 12:22 pm
@ehBeth,
Good link, ehBeth.

Reminds me some stuff I experienced myself...
0 Replies
 
BorisKitten
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Nov, 2009 04:40 pm
@oristarA,
oristarA, I've really enjoyed reading your jokes, and trying to help with your earnest efforts to learn another language.

Too bad that last one "was a flop."

What's the next one? I'm looking forward to it!
0 Replies
 
BorisKitten
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Nov, 2009 04:47 pm
@oristarA,
Quote:
Thank you. Get it improved if you are free.

Let's see here:

A young tiger approaches a baby squirrel, asking, “Excuse me, please, but can I eat you?”

The little squirrel is mystified by the tiger's question, so he says, “Why do you ask? Have you eaten animals before?”

“No,” the tiger replies, “I've never eaten a squirrel, or any other animal.”

The squirrel replies, “What have you eaten, then?”

“Only my mommy's breast-milk,” replies the tiger, blushing.
BorisKitten
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Nov, 2009 04:48 pm
@BorisKitten,
It's still not funny, but the language is a bit more smooth.

Next joke, please?
0 Replies
 
oristarA
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Nov, 2009 10:40 pm

EbBeth has offered us a good link to better understand the way of translating jokes in different cultural background.

Let's thank him for that.

Indeed, the article is an enlightenment. However, we have had 2 out of 5 jokes that successfully transmitted its humor from one culture to another. It is inspirational. It tells us that we may continue this journey, at least from which we can learn more about cultural differences.

Here goes the sixth (don't forget that we will only have 40%
success rate in translation. So if this one still fails, please don't be frustrated, we will have another, and another, and another. Smile )


May I Borrow Your Daughter to Use Her Once
Translated by OristarA

A woman with her 6-year-old daughter goes to a clothing shop to choose her new dresses. The little girl looks at her mom with patience as she tries to wear one by one. The girl would cry with surprise every time the mom has dressed a new one: "Wow! Mon, you look really pretty!."

At that time, a fat lady comes from the fitting room next to theirs, asking the mom, "May I borrow your daughter to use her once?"
dadpad
 
  1  
Reply Tue 10 Nov, 2009 01:41 am
@oristarA,
Yup that one works.

oristarA wrote:


EbBeth has offered us a good link to better understand the way of translating jokes in different cultural background.

Let's thank her for that.


May I Borrow Your Daughter to Use Her Once
Translated by OristarA

A woman AND her 6-year-old daughter go to a clothing shop to choose some new dresses for mom. The little girl IS VERY PATIENT WITH HER MOM as she tries ONE DRESS AFTER ANOTHER. Every time the mom TRIES A NEW DRESS ON THE LITTLE GIRL SAYS "Wow! Mon, you look really pretty!." BUT THE MOM IS NEVER SATISFIED.

JUST THEN, a fat lady EMERGES from the fitting room next to theirs, asking the mom, "May I borrow your daughter WHEN I TRY MY NEXT DRESS?"



NOTES: the term USE can have a sexual connatation. especially when applied to women/girls. I would avoid saying "I want to use your daughter" unless i was able to qualify that with the purpous. ie "I want to use your daughter as a baby sitter". in most cases i would further qualify by saying it is the daughters skills i wish to use. ie "I want to use your daughter's skills as a baby sitter"
"use' can be seen as taking advantage of. ie "that couple are not really friends with your boss, they are just using him to make business contacts".

oristarA
 
  1  
Reply Tue 10 Nov, 2009 04:13 am
@dadpad,
Thank you dadpad.

How can we avoid use the word "use" in the title? I 've never thought of that the word has a sexual connatation.

Oh I see, you've amended the problem by pointing out the purpose of decent use.
0 Replies
 
oristarA
 
  1  
Reply Tue 10 Nov, 2009 04:20 am
@dadpad,
I wonder why you used " the little girl says " but not " the little girl cries with surprise"? The latter is the same as original Chinese.
0 Replies
 
 

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