Smell-a-thon-cook-fest-wife must stop!

Tell her. If that doesn't work tell her with emphasis.

I have tried both the nice route and the emphatic route:
1) When I explain it nicely she tells me "I'll do my best"
2) When I tell her emphatically she gets defense and angry

The two things I have not tried are:
1) bribes
2) the big-sit-down-intervention

As to bribes,that's not easy because she does not like massages and I already do my share of the housework. She is receptive to cut flowers but I'm not sure they would have the desired effect of abating the stink-a-thons as she might well construe flowers as a symbol of peace, harmony and apology.

As to the big-sit-down-intervention it's really hard to get her to agree to a definitive time and date, and when I finally do it's sometimes tough to get her to stay on topic, and not get defensive and accusatory. So if I want to go the big-sit-down-intervention route, I'm in for a least a few weeks of mind numbing requests for a definitive time, all the while having to field rebukes in the form of phrases such as:
"quit nagging me"
"if you love me you would not keep pestering me"
"I don't want to talk about it because all you'll do is criticize me"
"if we get together I will bring up lots of things that I don't like about you"
"I don't have the time right as I'm too busy"
"I'm too tired to talk about"

I did suggest she use an electric mini-stove and fry all that stinky crap outside, but she gave that ****-this-****-look. However I could just go and buy a mini-stove and table and set them outside to see what she does.

The cooking smells should not last that long nor be so strong that it takes over the whole house, including the upstairs. Some things, like fish and chili, can "stink" up the house, but it is usually an enjoyable smell. If it lingers, then it is around the cooking area, and even on the walls. I find that when frying fish. The floor and partial wall needs a scrub after frying. Seems the smell is carried into the air.

Help with the clean-up, especially around the oven. Be sure to wash down the vents and floor areas around the oven. The food should be put into the frig. ASAP. Pots and pans cleaned up ASAP.

PS - you know that many guys would love it that their wife is at least cooking!!

I always go into the kitchen after she's done and do a complete wipe down with Mr. Clean of all surfaces and the fans etc. I even installed a super-duper multi -speed dual fan range hood that sucks like a whore on payday!

Unfortunately she often gets real pissy when I clean up the kitchen saying things like:
"Don't clean up, I've already done that"
"You're in my way"
"You're wasting your time cleaning the kitchen"
"You're getting Mr. Clean all over everything"

Unfortunately she takes it as a personal offense if I clean the kitchen after her, the inference being (in her eyes) that she did not do a good enough job on her own.

There's no answer to that Chum.

She knows you really hate it, and yet she keeps doing it. How come?



Do you frequently criticize her Chumly?



Why hasn’t she addressed them already? Is she stockpiling them as ammunition for later? Or has she adopted a “bite your tongue and compromise” attitude? IMO good relationships require a lot of that!



That seems fair to me.

What is the root cause of all this cooking? Is in an ethnic thing? If so, your criticism could be seen as more personal than olfactory. Does she harbor a secret desire to be a great cook? Perhaps you could find challenging dishes that are not so aromatic. Can you get the same dishes at a fine restaurant where your could go periodically? (Talking about bribes...)

don't you have a hood vent over the stove?

why don't you invest in good one?

my next door neighbor does a lot of cooking of what you have mentioned.

When we've eaten there everyone sits at a huge marble island in the kitchen, mere feet away from the stove and oven.

You can't smell a thing cooking, which I personally consider really sad, as I'd love to smell the pork roast, vegetables, and dessert.

Less expensive alternative...

I bought off of Amazon, a Hamilton Beach odor eliminator that is next to the litter box. We never smell a thing.
When it needs to, it automatically ramps up the intake fan, and then goes back to normal speed when odors are gone.

When I'm sweeping around the box, it'll automatically start going at the higher speed, until I'm done.

It wasn't expensive.


seems to me though, with all the other complaints you have about each other, you'd rather fight than just find solutions to the problem at hand.

obviously this goes deeper than cooking smells, vehicles, gardening and such.

I'm just sayin'.

As mentioned in my previous post "I even installed a super-duper multi -speed dual fan range hood that sucks like a whore on payday!" That range hood cost me the better part of $500.00 and being an Electrician the install was not too tough.

No domestic range hood will be perfect but to make things worse she won't use the rear burners and thus uses the front burners. She orders me to not interfere if I ask her to put the frying pans on the rear burners to increase the efficacy of the fans. Using the front burners puts the frying pans the farthest from the suction.

Any-who even though I installed about the best domestic range hood fan system one can buy, it can't compete with a commercial roof-mounted install but that's big work to put into a house!

So what does she cook? Brussel Sprouts and other foul smelling foods?
Spices like curry and garlic can smell but are usually a "good smell" - are you
sure you're not too sensitive? Why don't you sit in another room with the
door closed and a scented candle around you and just leave her alone?

She knows I really hate it, and yet she keeps doing it be because (I believe) the assertion of her autonomy takes precedence over martial compromise/peace. She had always been very assertive and proud of (what she perceives to be) her independence

No I don't frequently criticize her, but she would tend to disagree as many things that would be taken by others as "needing to discuss openly about concerns at a mutually suitable time but sometime soon", would be taken by her to mean a criticism because (again) she has a very strong sense of (what she perceives to be) her independence

As to her common response "if we get together I will bring up lots of things that I don't like about you" yes she may well have addressed them already but will indeed bring them up again as a defense tactic should I meet with her about the kitchen smells.

Yes she will sometimes stockpile her issues as ammunition for later but just as likely will adopt a “bite your tongue and compromise” attitude and yes I agree that's good relationship-ism!

I'm forced to wonder how bad the smells really could be.

Let me ask, do you eat the food? Does the food turn out good?

Cycloptichorn

It looks like Chum has lost the power to order his woman about Cyclo. There's only one thing to do in such circumstances and that is to bow down assuming the packed suitcase option is not considered.

I must ask the same questions as Cyclo. I don't quite understand the problem. Are you that sensitive to cooking odors?

No I don't mind the fish or brussel sprouts or cabbage.

It's the combination of high heat, big frying pans (at the front of the stove where suction is the least), cooking oil, garlic, onions and hot peppers plus the fact that we have an open-air house with very few doors, so what you smell in the kitchen is found in most every room in the house, but in particular the master barroom where it hangs there all night and thus why she promised (and often has broken) to cook the really stinky stuff only in the daytime. Plus for reasons unknown she "forgets" to open the doors and windows. If she did I would be happy!

FWIW it is true that my sense of smell (and hearing) and are considerably better than hers.

Give me the names of some of the final dishes. Other than things like steamed cabbage or baked carp I can't think of really nasty smelling foods. Some people have taste preferences, but rejecting cooking smells is odd. I don't particularly like the smell of lamb, but it doesn't freak me out and some people love it. What kinds of food do you LIKE to smell.

Nope I don't eat that stuff. Because the house is such an open floor plan and because she "forgets" to open the windows and doors it gets pretty stinky.

We posted at the same time. All I can think of from your post is that she is literally burning food and that is putting some bad smelling fumes into the air. It can smell like chemicals, especially if she is using non-stick teflon pans - in fact in can make you sick. Garlic, onions and hot peppers should smell good.

I guess the root cause of all this cooking is not an ethnic thing, but there was this nice Chinese restaurant we went to a few years ago that served an oily spicy green bean onion thing. The Chinese restaurant changed hands and went downhill and that's the point she started making her concoctions at home but refusing to take into consideration how best to reduce the smells as discussed.

No my criticism is not more personal than olfactory although she may well see it that way.

I don't know if she harbors a secret desire to be great cook but she does love to cook and she is good at it if your stomach can take it.

I don't eat most of the dishes she makes and as mentioned the only restaurant she found that had this spicy bean thing has gone belly so I don't know about fading it somewhere else, however as mentioned if she put the pans to the back of the stove (to facilitate max suction) and opened the windows and doors (all of who she has premed to do but does not) then I would be happy.

And that not even taking into account the fact that she promised to cook the ultra-stinky stuff during the day to give time for the master bedroom to clear. Note that I would overlook this promise if she at least put the pans to the back of the stove and opened the windows and doors