@engineer,
That's awesome, engineer. Yeah, I can tell when stuff is just not clicking with my kids. You know right away when it's a hit.
@Linkat,
Linkat wrote:
Does he come home right after school? If so, is there an aftercare program at the school? You may not need it, but it is an opportunity to play with other kids. My kids right now do not need it, but we keep them there afterschool one or two afternoons as this allows them to play with their friends (and they ask all the time).
Yep, that's exactly why we do it. Even though it's slightly structured, it's the closest thing we can get to the neighborhood gang of kids doing spontaneous things environment. They'd be bored to death if they came home instead.
@FreeDuck,
I'm with the leave-him-be crowd.
There's too much emphasis on trying to raise a "well-rounded person", which usually involves trying to repress the genius elements of each kid, and trying to get them spending more time doing things they are bad at and enjoy less.
I'd go with the "Soar with you strengths" theory. I'd let this kid read as much as you can get into him. I'd challenge him with more books. Dickens and Tolkien springs to mind.
Quote:The book begins with a parable of the rabbit who went to animal school. He did great at running and jumping, but climbing wasn’t so good, flying wasn’t even a possibility, and swimming not only terrified and nearly drowned him, but it humiliated him in front of all the other animals. He went home hoping his parents would understand and help, but they said he had to get a diploma. So, the next day, he went in to talk to the guidance counselor. The counselor diagnosed that he didn’t like school because he wasn’t doing well in swimming, so she arranged for him not to go to running any more (after all, he was doing fine there), and to take TWO periods of swimming!
Of course, the parable illustrates the point that the Gallup organization is making: we are too focused on weaknesses. Time and energy spent trying to improve a weakness could far more productively be focused on maximizing a strength. We should just “manage” weaknesses, not try to “overcome” them, because it is our strengths through which we can best contribute to the world and that will bring us our greatest satisfaction.
Source:
http://www.shearonforschools.com/soar_with_your_strengths.htm
@DrewDad,
Quote:You're still full of crap. Not because of your views on child-rearing, but because a) you operate on assumptions about others instead of actually engaging with them and understanding their situations and b) because on the one hand you talk about there being room for wide disagreement while simultaneously castigating others about their parenting style.
My position is that we do an overall lousy job of producing adults (raising kids), and there is wide disagreement about how to raise kids, and Freeduck is making a mistake. These are not contradictory positions.
Also, it is a serious argument about a serious subject which is supported by sound argument. If you want to determine that I am a shallow and hypocritical BS artist that is your right, but I doubt very much that you could support your position.
As for engaging and making assumptions, I don't know who freeduck is in real life, so I am making evaluation based upon what she says here just like everyone else (most every one else?) is. If I am wrong to do so then we all are wrong. The person we should be hearing from is the kid, what does he want, what does he think of his mom's opinion's?? At ten years old he should be mostly running his own life, mom trying to do it for him is a disservice to his long term needs and best interests. I don't need to hear from the kid to know that his mom is micromanaging his life.
@hawkeye10,
At ten years old he should be mostly running his own life, mom trying to do it for him is a disservice to his long term needs and best interests. I don't need to hear from the kid to know that his mom is micromanaging his life.
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You are without question a nut case a 10 years should be running his own life?
Other then NAMBLA I had never seen anyone else take the position that a ten year old have the judgment to do anything beyond deciding what toy to play with next.
@BillRM,
Perhaps not running his own life, but making appropriate decisions on his own -- like what books to read for pleasure, and whether or not competitive sports are fun. I personally hate sports, always have. The exercise I prefer is calisthenics and walking... and I'm not really enthused about that. I don't see that any kind of parental persuasion would have changed that.
I think Freeduck is too worried about this. If she wants to make opportunities available, like a fencing or martial-arts class, go for it. But there isn't, to my mind, any reason to shove the kid into activities he hates.
@BillRM,
Quote:Other then NAMBLA I had never seen anyone else take the position that a ten year old have the judgment to do anything beyond deciding what toy to play with next.
obviously you don't get around much. The kid is 10 years old, not 4, treating him like a little kid will not get you a good result long term. At my house at 10 I want to know where my kids are, what they are doing, they have rules to follow and chores to do, but other than that they do what they want. If I have concerns I talk with them, if they are in my opinion missing out on something I encourage them to try it and I might very occasionally order them to try something once.
But talking about moving the family home because ten year old Johnny reads too much for mommy's liking and does not play enough??? THAT is crazy talk from a nut case. Trying to find activities for him as if he were 5 or 6.....that is an obvious BAD idea, for the kid's sake, her relationship with the kid, and for the rest of us who are depending upon her kid growing up to be a well adjusted adult with the ability to make his own way in life.
Trowing NAMLBA into your post was a cheap shot, and is a poor reflection upon you and your ability to discuss things reasonably and rationally. Kindly attempt to grow up.
@hawkeye10,
Neighborhoods can matter - they mattered very much in my life. I went from Dayton, Ohio (1 girl across the street I met a few times when I was three or four, no preschool, only child) to west los angeles (kindergarten, no neighborhood kids but two cousins I saw once in a while, to new york city, large apartment building, there were three of us kids in the whole building, one a friend - to a chicago neighborhood which sounds to me now like out of nice books. It was there I learned to play, argue, socialize at all.
And then back to west LA, no people my age anywhere near.
That time in that very particular Evanston neighborhood was lifetime precious.
I wasn't a miserable kid - there were benefits to my childhood as well as this drought of kids to play with.
I was also set up to learn to be alone. This became larger for me when I saw contemporaries who never lived on their own.
@hawkeye10,
hawkeye10 wrote:
The person we should be hearing from is the kid, ...
I don't need to hear from the kid to know that his mom is micromanaging his life.
Do you need to hear from or do you not? On what do you base your certitude that I am micromanaging his life?
@hawkeye10,
hawkeye10 wrote:
But talking about moving the family home because ten year old Johnny reads too much for mommy's liking and does not play enough??? THAT is crazy talk from a nut case.
You really dont read, do you. Environment matters. Having the opportunity to run wild with other kids your own age matters. You cant tell me otherwise.
Quote:Trying to find activities for him as if he were 5 or 6.....that is an obvious BAD idea, for the kid's sake, her relationship with the kid, and for the rest of us who are depending upon her kid growing up to be a well adjusted adult with the ability to make his own way in life.
The thread title is "ways to pull 10 year old into the real world" not "help me find activities for a 10 year old". You made it about activities. Im just listening to suggestions. Clearly you came here with your own issues and are projecting them onto this situation.
@hawkeye10,
obviously you don't get around much. The kid is 10 years old, not 4, treating him like a little kid will not get you a good result long term. At my house at 10 I want to know where my kids are, what they are doing, they have rules to follow and chores to do, but other than that they do what they want. If I have concerns I talk with them, if they are in my opinion missing out on something I encourage them to try it and I might very occasionally order them to try something once.
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A ten year old is a kid and a little kid at that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@FreeDuck,
what about a reading club at the library?
I know here they give out awards to the kids for reading as much as they do and they have ...depends on the branch.. a once a week meeting to discuss their books.
Lemme tell you about my experience.
As a kid, I was torn between my parents' pushing me into "academic" stuff (they used to brag my "exploits" among their friends) and their following scare about me being "too bookish" and "out of their real world".
I wasn't really that bookish (according to myself), since I enjoyed comic books, and their simple stuff so much (but, heck, I wasn't reading Harry Potter at 9, but Don Quixote, The Divine Comedy, Ivanhoe, Dickens, Dumas, Verne), I'd play some with my neighborhood friends, but somehow they tired me off.
My parents did 2 things that ended up throwing me into "the real world".
One is my dad took me, at age 10, to Little League Baseball in a working class neighborhood (and when I say "working class" in Mexico in the 60s, I mean some of the kids had no shoes -let alone snickers-, more than half didn't own a glove -there was a communal cage-, and at least a couple of them worked as shoeshines and pump-gas attendants). I became a good player, learned to swear & spit, had to fight with one of the tougher kids to gain their respect, endured the trial & enjoyed the experience.
The other is that, at age 13, they sent me as a boarder to a school in the US. It was quite hellish for me. But I came back tougher, more independent and rebellious, a person I liked better than the former child. Now, if my mother had seen how much her 13-14 year old suffered with the 17-18 year old Gringo bullies (who were in a boarding school for a reason) she would have withdrawn me from that school and be happy with my being so "bookish".
As a teenage, I was good at sports & somehow popular (as one of the school's left-wing rebels) but most of my closest friends were the nerds ("bookish", like me) and the outcasts.
---
So, my first reaction was "let him be!". It was me, at 9 or 10, yelling it.
My second reaction was: yes, you can help him get into the real world, but it goes beyond having playpals. If it goes beyond, it will be good for him. But it won't be easy on him. It shouldn't be.
@fbaezer,
Thanks for your story, fbaezer. I wont forget it.
I mentioned that this was also me at his age, and it was let go to the point of not being healthy. I dont intend to change who he is but some things you cant learn from books. Your experience is incredibly relevant.
@FreeDuck,
I always listened to Baez, even if he disses me in fantasy sports.
@FreeDuck,
Not that you have to send him to a really tough boarding school, though.
@roger,
Hey, it never done
me no harm!
oh, wait a minute... (checks baggage) ... mmm
Scratch that.
