Ways to pull 10 year old into the real world

@FreeDuck,

I had a feeling that most parents would love to have your problem.

In any case how about finding other children that share his interests and IQ for him to interact with?

Second if he is bored in the classroom and the material being taught it could be because he is too bright for that class.

Suggest you get him tested and find out if he need to be place into a higher achievement environment.

In any case I would suggest not trying to drag the little guy into the so call real world but in trying to find a more interesting world for him to fit into.

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@FreeDuck,

I've got two like that and the rule in our house is that everyone has to have a sport and everyone has to do some sort of basic music. After a few years of piano and trying various sports, my eleven year old has finally found a love of tennis and the trumpet. My nine year old likes roller hockey and is still working on the piano.

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@FreeDuck,

Sorry if anyone has already said this, but my ex-boyfriends brother belonged to an archery/medieval reinactment group, and a couple of times I went with them to dress up as medieval people and camp in front of a castle for a week.
That would probably play on his imagination, and the kids he would meet would probably all be into the same things as him. Plus you've got the sport side too.
That was in England though. I don't know what the options are in the states.

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@The Pentacle Queen,

Civil War in the states would be the same. Hell I knew a gentleman who was alway getting in trouble with the town for shooting off his real civil war field piece after too many beers because of the noise.

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@The Pentacle Queen,

Good thought. DrewDad mentioned Society for Creative Anachronism, which sounds somewhat similar, though in my area it seems more adult orientated. I think it has possibilities, but it would have to be something that he seemed interested in, and I suspect he wouldn't care for something too organized. I haven't met him, so could be wrong.

Not that The Society for Creative Anachronism suffers from organization from what I've seen.

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Lot's happened while I was away, so long post here.

sozobe wrote:

(How many boys his age in aftercare? Just realized I was making assumptions that there are a lot -- maybe not.)

Not as many as I'd hoped. I think there are 2 or 3 others in his age range, maybe just one in his same grade.

hawkeye10 wrote:

Has the kid been asked? I don't see an absence of opportunity for the kid to make other choices, I see a parent who does not like the choices her child has made. Push too hard and the message received will be that what he has chosen is unacceptable, that who and what he is is unacceptable. Much more likely than him changing course on what he does will be him changing his mind about the value of parents, and of what they say.

Well, then you're not looking very closely. He doesn't, in my opinion, have enough unstructured opportunities to play with other kids his own age. His choices are based on his limited opportunities and they're self-reinforcing. I'm trying to help him find a balance so that he can avoid the pain of social ineptitude in the future. And of this I know what I'm talking about. I haven't forced anything on him as of yet.

contrex wrote:

I still see Dad most years, but I don't mind whether I do or not. Don't risk that.

I feel the same way about my father, who completely ignored me growing up and did nothing while I sunk into an anti-social funk from about the age that Duckie is now. Two sides to every coin.

boomerang wrote:

The thing that finally got me a bit more social was photography, but that was back in the dinosaur days where you had to spend time in the darkroom with other like minded kids. I don't know if that would work so well anymore.

Thanks for all your ideas. This is what I'm looking for -- something that would get him interested. I'm looking for opportunities for inspiration. Lots of great suggestions from everyone here.

DrewDad wrote:

What's Dad like? Does Dad have hobbies that he could try to interest Duckie in? (This is Duckie, right?)

Yes, it's Duckie. Dad has been super busy starting a business and doesn't have many opportunities to share with him. That could be part of the problem.

DrewDad wrote:

Social skills were my Achilles' Heel until my Sophomore or Junior year of High School. Introvert is fine; it's a parent's job to make sure he's not socially inept.

Mine too, big time. I love that he's such a bookworm and has such a great imagination, I just don't want it to lead to irreversible social ineptitude.

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@roger,

roger wrote:

Good thought. DrewDad mentioned Society for Creative Anachronism, which sounds somewhat similar, though in my area it seems more adult orientated. I think it has possibilities, but it would have to be something that he seemed interested in, and I suspect he wouldn't care for something too organized. I haven't met him, so could be wrong.

No, you're on the money. Organized = pressure, IMO.

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@sozobe,

Thanks, soz, for speaking my mind when I wasn't here to.

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@sullyfish6,

sullyfish6 wrote:

You mentioned a best friend. If you can develop that more, that would be good. If he is hiding in books ALL the time and hasn't even got one friend, I'd be concerned.

You don't mention other things about him. Is he moody? irritable? eating disorder? over emotional? doing OK at school? flat personality? How is he in school? Many kids are very different when in school.

If everything is OK, I'd say leave him alone.

He's a little moody but nothing beyond normal. Other than that he's ok. I've been sort of just keeping an eye on the amount of time spent in his own head, but two teachers made notice of his lack of class participation on his last report card. That's why I'm thinking I need to start doing some nudging.

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@engineer,

engineer wrote:

I've got two like that and the rule in our house is that everyone has to have a sport and everyone has to do some sort of basic music. After a few years of piano and trying various sports, my eleven year old has finally found a love of tennis and the trumpet. My nine year old likes roller hockey and is still working on the piano.

That's a good rule. How did you go about helping them find their sport or instrument? What did you do if they wanted to change? Duckie did the clarinet briefly last year for school band but it began to conflict with his Challenge class and he had to choose one or the other. We haven't revisited music since.

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@FreeDuck,

FreeDuck wrote:

DrewDad wrote:
Social skills were my Achilles' Heel until my Sophomore or Junior year of High School. Introvert is fine; it's a parent's job to make sure he's not socially inept.

Mine too, big time. I love that he's such a bookworm and has such a great imagination, I just don't want it to lead to irreversible social ineptitude.

I just want to emphasize that I understand that; my post was in response to the "everything's fine, let him deal with it himself" suggestion(s).

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@FreeDuck,

What is a "Challenge" class?

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I've sort of skimmed this thread. Freeduck, ahs anyone mentioned going for a hike? Not so much heading to a park, but going into deep woods where you can't see buildings or hear cars.

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@DrewDad,

Oh, I know that's what you meant, DD. Thanks for getting it.

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@littlek,

That is something we do as a family but not often. I guess that's the thing -- when we go camping or hiking, everything is great. He makes friends very easily in those situations. It's just that those chances are few and far between. That's why I've even been considering whole family lifestyle changes. I'd love to just take a year off and travel all across the US in a trailer, visiting all the national parks and checking out different cities. He's a great little traveler.

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@DrewDad,

DrewDad wrote:

What is a "Challenge" class?

It's a pull-out class for kids who need a challenge. They called it gifted when I was kid.

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Sorry to take the aside, but we just had a professional development on gifted and talented education. What kinds of things does Duckie do in his challenge class?

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@FreeDuck,

I was Duckie too, in my way. I suppose I still am, and maybe many of us on a2k are. I was very shy, though, in contrast to Duckie, had hardly any playmates for a lot of years (another age, another time). I was more interested in adults than other children, on the face of it. I blossomed a bit when we moved to a neighborhood in near Chicago that had almost a built in friend group.. great families across the street - the group that later became the Secret Pine Club, named after a tree in our side yard. Then I was wrenched to a place in California where I had, again, no one to hang out with.

I wouldn't be the sane wonderful outgoing person (snort) I am now if I hadn't gotten a job at a hospital the day I turned sixteen, after school and summers full time.

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@ossobuco,

hopefully by the time you were ten you mother had the good sense to tell you that your behavior would scar you for life, and attempted to save you from your foolishness....

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@FreeDuck,

I am going to take a wild guess that there is no mister freeduck to temper your mother hen tendencies...

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Ways to pull 10 year old into the real world

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