Ways to pull 10 year old into the real world

Nah, my mother was the shy one who fostered my shy scaredy behavior, undoubtedly not on purpose. I sympathize more with her now than I've done for decades.

I seemed to figure out on my own, not sure when, a gradual glimmer over years, that shyness is a kind of nice sheen on a possible passive aggressive cockroach. Not that all shy is bad, but...
Something made me start thinking more of other people and what was going on with them than my being nervous about talking. I think it was a combo of actually relating to people at work (others have lives!! lots of stories there starting with the hospital cashier who made me choose a horse at Hollywood Park) and a psych 1A class by a fellow who is now, I think, eminent, or is in my mind. Plus, of all things, reading.

I spent a lot of years waking up, and probably still am.

Right now he's doing the stock market game, which he loves. Last year they did architecture studies which he also enjoyed, but not nearly as much as the stock market game.

I can totally relate. For me it was a job as a cocktail waitress.

I'm going to take a wild guess that you don't bother to read much before writing.

No kidding.

Bummer about so few likely connections in aftercare. Aftercare at sozlet's school has probably 25 boys per grade, and I was thinking it was something like that.

You may be on to something with moving, as difficult as that may be. I'm not sure how to find an area that would have more kids...? It sounds like he has the ability, just lacks opportunity.

How is Ducklet's social situation? If it's fine, is there anything that's working for her that could be generalized to Duckie?

Too bad you haven't paid attention, because then you'd know that you're full of "it".

On a number of levels, and not for the first time.

While you seem to not agree with my views on child rearing, you are hopefully in the world enough to know that this is a subject with wide disagreement. It is also a subject that many of us feel passionate about, in large part because raising children well is so important. There are principles, logic, argument and experience behind my advise here. While it is rejected by the current majority for much that same reason that the majority rejects the notion that 15 year olds should be empowered with sexual freedom, nobody has yet convinced me that I am wrong in concluding that we stifle individual development by promoting the smothering of our young. We have taken the relatively new but good concept of childhood, put it on steriods, and thus turned it into a harm.

I have one kid in collage and two in high school, I see the result of our ways. A huge portion of these youth are crap, they are ignorant, they don't want to work, and they are of weak morals. We can do better, but we will not do better until we address our errors in how we raise kids.

Is it a good collage? Do they teach how to write?


When I was a kid, I was already fed up with this kind of hypocrisy.
Fortunately, even at a young age, I distinguished already between the real educators and the demagogues.
It didn't change much over the ages.

So did I. The real educators sold their stuff in a competitive market.

Some of it was parental research, some was observation and some was parental insistence that they try something. My nine year old started with t-ball at five and it was instructive, but not a hit. Next was gymnastics at around six. He had a good time, but it didn't really click. Soccer at seven was frustrating. We did tennis lessons and that worked for a while, but when the pro started to push him to improve, he lost interest. His swimming strokes improved rapidly when we signed him up for that, but somehow he always had a stomach ache during practice. We noticed that he loved to skate, so we started him in roller hockey and HIT, complete happiness, but we had to "highly encourage" him to try it. The thought of potentially getting hit was scaring him off. I also had to basically force him to learn to ride his bike. We worked at a low level, low pressure pace for several weekends until it clicked and he realized that several of his friends are now within easy bike riding distance.

My eleven year old is a very get-along type. He tried everything we asked him to do without complaint and without enthusiasm. I could tell he wasn't really into swimming or piano, but he'd never say anything. I'd use bike challenges to get him out of the house (ride so many miles and I will sign you up for online games, etc) but he's not a biking enthusiast. I started pushing and we found tennis and the guitar. The guitar was ok, but he really wasn't progressing and I figured there was no real interest there. When he came home from school and asked about the trumpet, I knew we were making progress. He loves tennis and the trumpet, but I had to take his case to my wife about quitting piano. It was just clear to me that the paino wasn't making him happy and it wasn't worth the time or emotional units we were spending on lessons and practice.

You're still full of crap. Not because of your views on child-rearing, but because a) you operate on assumptions about others instead of actually engaging with them and understanding their situations and b) because on the one hand you talk about there being room for wide disagreement while simultaneously castigating others about their parenting style.

Just another shallow and hypocritical BS artist.

Does he come home right after school? If so, is there an aftercare program at the school? You may not need it, but it is an opportunity to play with other kids. My kids right now do not need it, but we keep them there afterschool one or two afternoons as this allows them to play with their friends (and they ask all the time).

oops seems I missed this...

My mom would have loved to have this problem with me as a child I hated to read. A few things you could try is see if your local library has a story time kind of thing, that way he can get in some reading but also spend time with other kids who enjoy the same things as him. You can also try reading with him or putting a time or chapter limit like if he had the problem with watching too much tv.

hNot wanting to enteract with kids is a normal part of growing up, he'll go through it a hundred more times before he graduates high school. Besides who knows your son could grow up and be a famous writer.

My mom would have loved to have this problem with me as a child I hated to read. A few things you could try is see if your local library has a story time kind of thing, that way he can get in some reading but also spend time with other kids who enjoy the same things as him. You can also try reading with him or putting a time or chapter limit like if he had the problem with watching too much tv.

Just a note on fencing . . .

Nigel, my youngest was never much for sports. He was a bookworm too.
He did play rec league soccer and took karate. He loved "weapons", padded
versions of swords, nanchaku, and staves.

He went to a high school that had fencing. It was a no-cut sport. He was
fascinated by it and went out for the team. I think because it's not a sport
that attacts most kids, one is more likely to find kindred spirits. Nigel
certainly did. Besides keeping him in shape (the coach was a nut on fitness),
it was great fun, he had the experience of being part of a team and he made
friends that he is still close to (he's in college now).

Yeah--leave him alone. My mother used to try to stop me reading under the bedclothes with a torch and look how I turned out.

Are you trying to persuade, or incite a book burning?

Ducklet is fine and enjoys a wide range of activities. She's just started really reading independently, which is cool. She has a much higher energy level in general and is just a completely different kid.

I agree that he has the ability just lacks opportunity.