Everytime I think I have gotten the hang of the parenting thing, something else comes up

How old were they?

Did they know they drew blood? That might be my starting point if they were pretty young -- "Hey, you made me bleed!" <pause to let that sink in, look at blood in a concerned way, dab at it to see if there is more, etc.>

Then, "This is serious. Stop... NOW." (Accompanied by physically going forward a bit, intense eyes, etc. The mom voice/ look.)

If they were young, there's a chance they really didn't get how damaging they were being. Impulsivity/ not thinking things through/ not realizing likely consequences.

Well, being a parent is complicated for sure, but I think you'd be good at it.

Which is to lead up to, at this point, (we'll see what happens when she reaches her teens), she's very good about figuring this stuff out herself and won't hang out with a brat because SHE doesn't want to hang out with a brat. I haven't felt the need to step in.

"Our findings clearly indicate that spanking affects children's development," according to Lisa J. Berlin, research scientist at the Center for Child and Family Policy at Duke University and the study's lead author. Specifically, children who were spanked more often at 1 behaved more aggressively when they were 2 and had lower scores on tests measuring thinking skills when they were 3. These findings held up even after taking into consideration such family characteristics as mothers' race and ethnicity, age, and education; family income and structure; and the children's gender. The study also found that children who were more aggressive at age 2 and had lower cognitive development scores at ages 1 and 2 were not spanked more at ages 2 and 3. "So the mothers' behaviors look more influential than the children's," said Berlin.

Thing is, I've always believed, in my resistance to corporal punishment that this is the kind of thing you can teach into any kid, but then I've been faced with a few cases where it just doesn't seem to work.

The basketball thing worked, but it probably reinforced the behavior -- they're probably more likely rather than less likely to do it next time. (Next time can be other people, not necessarily you.)

Again, there's just so little control you have in that situation, which is frustrating. Presumably the school has more control, which is why my instinct would be to get them involved (I see belatedly that FreeDuck said the same thing).

Well, my husband worried about the same things and he loves being a dad but still hasn't come around to the dog thing...

Having a kid is genuinely rewarding at like the molecular level, but I know that there are some exceptions there too, so I won't say HAVE A KID ALREADY! But I'm a worrier and a second-guesser and am glad (can ya tell?) that I went for it.

Would love to see some input from other parents here on this issue. What do you do when it comes down to running-away from a violent kid or physically reacting?

I don't think physical violence is ever an option, unless one is seriously attacked by a kid big enough to do serious harm....I'd certainly confront and yell...and possibly physically restrain....as in, "I won't let you hurt me, and I will let go as soon as you stop."

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Would love to see some input from other parents here on this issue. What do you do when it comes down to running-away from a violent kid or physically reacting?

That's a real killer.

I am not a parent, but I have to deal with violent kids....but the crucial thing is I have some sort of relationship with them, in that SOMEONE has brought them to me, so it's not quite the total stranger scenario.

With kids I see I would certainly not, of course, hit them....but I have never run away.

I have been lucky with adolescents...been threatened with chairs held over their heads, secateurs, scissors, broken glass....but oddly not been frightened, and simply calmly insisted they behave.

Of course, there'll always be the day one doesn't.

With smaller kids, if attacked, I have simply taken their hands and stopped them.

This usually has worked in a couple of seconds, but I had a 7 year old attack me consistently for an hour a little while back.

This is the sort of situation where your career flashes before your eyes, as this was a kid who habitually makes false accusations that people have hurt her. I thought of stopping the session....but decided that, as there is literally nobody in this kid's life who can control her, that doing so would send a final message to her that nobody can, and she is already the most disturbed little girl I have seen in a loooong time.

With strange kids it's a nightmare!

We were in a restaurant a while back, with a family nearby, with about four kids.

The kids snuck up behind me, and one of them gave me a hard poke. I have a very exaggerated startle reflex, so the experience was very unpleasant.

I ignored it, assuming the parents would do something.

Poke two, I was annoyed....and turned round, saw the parents couldn't give a damn, and said calmly but firmly that their behaviour was inappropriate and not to do it again.

Poke three, and I was angry....parents still not giving a damn...so I repeated the words more intensely, saying if they did it again I would approach their parents.


NOW a parent responds! Not to the kids, but the father stood up and began a tirade of screaming and swearing at me....and advances like he's going to hit me.

I was actually angered enough by his behaviour that I felt like behaving in the same way.

Instead I just told him that he was being a poor example to his children, and that he should have acted a lot earlier. His wife, who was clearly very embarrassed, controlled him.

In the situation you describe re the gravel, where the kids were hurting and frightening people, I would likely try a calm and pleasant approach, and if the behaviour went on, tell them I would call the police if the behaviour continued, and do so.

But I am in a country where police deal pretty well and appropriately with naughty kids, and would likely actually respond, too....if they had time...when behaviour had escalated to that point.

As you say, kids need reasonable consequencing for such behaviour

There would be lots of countries where I imagine that would not be an option.

Re the beggar kid...damn.....that's hard. I don't think physical violence is ever an option, unless one is seriously attacked by a kid big enough to do serious harm....I'd certainly confront and yell...and possibly physically restrain....as in, "I won't let you hurt me, and I will let go as soon as you stop."

But your situation? That's tough.

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Lol!!


The father's comments were so disgusting and nasty
that I certainly won't be repeating them here! And,
I am a happy swearer, but I'd not repeat such a torrent.

From your response, now I see that I misunderstood the situation.
My mind was still running in the spirit of rock-throwing kids.
A few years ago, while driving in heavy traffic in the Bronx,
my car was hit with rocks from above when I drove under a bridge.
I complained to police 5 minutes later, at the side of the road,
giving a summons. I 'm sure nothing came of it.

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Secondly David, you really do seem to live in great fear.

If I have given that impression, Dlowan,
then I have been in error, and for that, I apologize.

In the fullness of sincerity:
I am in no fear. Nothing and no one has threatened me.
I have never had any enemies. No one is out to get me.
In my life, the most and only thing that I fear
is a slow loss of personal freedom. Honestly, I live in contentment and tranquility,
with all of my needs being well satisfied.
I lead quite a happy and undemanding life with no peril.
Thank u for your concern; its very kind of u.

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These were KIDS poking an adult inappropriately and somewhat painfully,
but it was uncomfortable not dangerous!!!!!

I see.
Indeed, some of my girlfriends have had children,
including some who have lived with me and I have been poked.
Truth be told: I LIKE it; to me, it feels good.
I have never told them not to do it, nor did I imply it.
(To me, when someone just brushes against me, going past: it feels good.)
I have never been attacked in earnest by any of them,
tho I have been by their mothers.

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The father? He was doing territoriality and, I suspect, the kind of
mis-reading I alluded to above, and thus thinking he was being
protective as well as reacting to thinking I was being critical of
the fruit of his loins, and thus of him.

I see. It sounds like alcohol was involved.

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I was clearly implicitly being critical of his parenting,
in that he and his wife weren't DOING any.

U clearly had a right to demand that thay restrain their children,
if u wished to assert such a demand.