Everytime I think I have gotten the hang of the parenting thing, something else comes up

Wait until sozlet is a pre-teen. Somehow it never gets easier - well, perhaps
when they're happily married.

True that.

Ah, yes. I remember some great mother-daughter moments back then.
Coward that I am, I hid in my work room.

Yes.


Need a hug, a gin, or a cool compress?

Well, of course something else comes up. You're trying to hit a moving target.

This is beginning with me (she I never thought I'd be shaving someone else's pit) - fortunately my daughter is a tom boy and loves sports so I think that keeps her mind occupied and her body busy with other things.

Although I love the comments about the boy/girl stuff at that age. Mom it obvious that Ernie loves me - he gets nervous when he talks to me and he stares at me.

Trifecta?

Oh, yeah....

I had bought my daughter these little pink battery driven shavers - they're great
and I don't have to worry that she cuts herself. Luckily, I have a tomboy too,
but she's so animated and fun to be around, the boys are already quite attracted
to her.
Yeah, I have a few comments too: one boy wanted to touch her and she was
saying to me "Can you imagine? The nerve of this pervert!" I had to contain
myself very hard to not laugh out loud.

Trifecta would be nice, yeah.

It's not that big of a deal, just Major Drama and I'm not at all convinced I handled it well.

Good Girl!

Whenever my daughter talks about stuff like that - my husband looks ill either that or he is ready to kill.

I don't envy any boy interested in my girls. (former Marine, ya know)

Oy Linkat, a former Marine dad will not be for the faint of suitors.

sozobe, tell us about the major drama - chances are that some of us have been
through it already with their kids.

Ugh, it's complicated.

Some of you may have seen my post on "Random Observations" about sozlet, her good friend Kay, and a third friend, S ("Esse" seems more name-ish). Esse wrangled a playdate for the three of them on Wednesday, which is usually sozlet and Kay's standing playdate.

We frequently do ad-hoc playdates too, and since sozlet and Kay didn't get their chance for their usual one-on-one playdate Wednesday, I told sozlet she could invite Kay over today.

Long story slightly shorter, Esse got involved again. I had to say outright that I wouldn't allow her to come over, or let her come over. I went with the latter, which was a mistake.

The girls were outside playing and I saw sozlet grabbing the other two girls' arms as they were digging -- it turned out they were digging up my lily of the valley but I couldn't see that at the time. I watched to see whether it was playful or not, sozlet seemed stressed and was getting more upset as I watched. She eventually clearly was screaming at them to stop, and they weren't. I knocked on the window... the girls looked at me and stopped what they were doing. I went outside. The other two girls ran away.

OK, ran away. That pissed me off.

Figured out some of what was going on from sozlet. Lily of the valley (+ bulbs) all over the driveway.

I waited for them to come back. They didn't.

I finally saw a head poking out pretty far away. Went after them, got them back, had a discussion about wtf was going on.

They wanted to dig up sozlet's pet snail. She's a very animal/ nurturing-oriented kid who has an allergic/ non-animal-liking father and the snail was her first pet and one of only two (the other was a fish) she's really managed so far. She had the snail for a year and made a gravemarker for it and buried it. They saw the gravemarker and were trying to dig it up. She was trying to stop 'em. Etc.

This was all complicated with back and forths and excuses, eventually I said that I was really not happy that they ran away when they came out and I'd be mentioning it to their parents.

Back story to this is that when Esse is over with a group, stuff always happens (by herself, its usually OK). The last time she was over she was playing "cops and robbers" and grabbed really special stuff off our mantel and dinged it up a bit when it was all jostling around in a paper bag. Just, head-smacking "what were you thinking?" stuff. I felt like I had to put my foot down.

OK, anyway... so that was wrapping up, there were mutual apologies in process, then Kay whispers in sozlet's ear and runs away (different direction) with Esse. Sozlet stands there with her mouth open. I ask what happened. Kay had said "this is a waste of time, I want to go play."

ARGH.

Sozlet's upset, I'm pissed. I decide this playdate's over and I'm taking everyone home. I go out to talk to them. The girls say they're sorry and they want to stay. Sozlet decides she wants them to stay too. They seem sincere/ apologetic. I decide to let them stay but reiterate that I'll be talking to their parents. I go inside, text a heads-up to Kay's mom.

Sozlet comes in, crying. Esse is having a meltdown because if I tell her mom, her mom will spank her and never let her come to our house again (as per Esse). Sozlet's upset on her behalf and also had evidently, outside, gone over the line by trying to explain how upset the snail thing made her by trying first "what if I dug up your pet gerbil?" no reaction, "dog," no reaction, "grandpa" oh god. Both Esse and Kay have recently lost grandparents. This cause fresh gushes of sobbing. Sozlet apologized up the wazoo. Etc. (Very stupid thing for her to say, she's far from blameless here.) Everyone's super upset

Kay's mom texts back, should she come get Kay? I decide yes.

I rub backs and get Kleenex as everyone weeps and talks to me. (Hard to lipread through sobs.) Kay's mom shows up and helps out. Says that the running away thing was just not OK, etc. We tag-team and by the end the girls have hugged and hopefully it's all resolved.

Kay goes home with her mom, Esse stays a bit and then I take her home and tell her mom, emphasizing that sozlet messed up too, etc.

Ugh ugh ugh.

Oh, man. This is painful just to READ, never mind having to live through it!

Am I ever glad I had a boy!!! We get none of this stuff. Boys barely talk to you, and certainly not about anything important. You have to spy on them, then you have to figure out how to bring stuff up because they really don't want to talk about it. It's a guessing game.

Still, girls sound WAY harder.

Have a drink, I say.

And I meant to say, I don't see how you could have handled it any better. I'm not sure I could've managed to keep all of them friends, handle their parents, and not kill anybody. Really good job. I think you DO have the hang of it!

<exhale>

Thank you!

I'm still tense.

Did I already say "ugh"?

Ugh.

Are u able to relate to that
by thinking back a few years ?

Yes Eva, girls get into these things.

sozobe, I don't see how you could have handled it any different either. I have
learned to never have three girls in the house (even now that mine is older).
There is always trouble with three girls. Two are fine, and four and more too
but three is an unfortunate number. There is always one girl that is left out
as the other two side up. I've seen it over and over.

I think that you were a bit at fault with sozlet though. To her, the pet snails
were very important and she did try to get some empathy out of the girls with
different animals and only the grandparents did produce results. So she tried
and did not give up until they truly understood how important the snails
are to her. Kids have their own lingo and understanding and I think it was perfectly all right for sozlet to make her point.

If sozlet really likes hanging out with "Esse" perhaps it would be worthwhile
to check up on her Mom if it is indeed true that she gets a spanking now and then. It certainly would explain her motivation to initiate conflict.

Oh God, the title says it all. I've said variations of this many times and it's so true. Just when you think you have the little buggers figured out, bam, they change.