What is one mistake your parents made that you struggle to forgive?

@Diest TKO,

Cease to expect to have your words understood?

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@Robert Gentel,

Quote:

You have to read this funny take someone wrote on one such guy I

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I have a handful of things to choose from to answer this question. The truth is that I have trouble forgiving all of it, and that I don't feel close to either of my parents because of it. My mother: the violence, the adversarial approach to raising us, and the inability to offer guidance. I still cannot comprehend how a parent can treat their children like enemies throughout their lives only to suddenly expect to be friends when they reach adulthood. My father: the indifference, the insistence on holding incompatible beliefs (science and a fundamentalist, cult-like religion) together in his head and then leaving us at the mercy of it. And the willingness to put his children last.

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@FreeDuck,

Sorry to hear that, Duckling.

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@dlowan,

Thanks, dlowan. That sounded a bit more self-pitying than I intended.

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@FreeDuck,

Quatsch.

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@dlowan,

Quite.

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I have to thank TKO for a remarkable thread. I actually called my mom and thanked her for the great job she and my dad did in giving me a safe environment to grow up in.

At the same time it made me wonder why I never elected to have children myself. All I can think of is that I recognized in myself a tremendous tendency to selfishness. Pursuing the life of a musician was not a good recipe for fatherhood.

I'm proud that I recognized this at an early age.

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@OmSigDAVID,

OmSigDAVID wrote:

Diest TKO wrote:

I was asked this the other day, and I think it's kind of a provocative question.

My response:

Quote:
I struggle to forgive their drug use. They were hippies. Smoked pot. Daily. I don't morally object to the consumption of pot. It was the priority it took in the household that I resented. We also didn't have a lot of money, and we didn't have health insurance. I wanted to play sports, but I was afraid to get hurt and what it would mean to the family finances.
I resent them for letting me take that burden,
even if they didn't know about it. As far as they were concerned, I just liked art better.

I struggle to forgive them for the selfish choice to indulge.

So A2K, what do you struggle to forgive your parents for?

T
K
O

That is a singularly STUPID thing to say.
Have u NO ability to reason whatsoever ??
[These utterances r now WITHDRAWN by their author.]

Diest, this has proven to be a fruitful thread, for which I thank u.
Upon reflection, it is my judgment that in response to the words
that I have colored red hereinabove, I OVER-REACTED and that
I perpetrated a caustic failure of politeness which I have condemned
and rejected in others. In retrospect: I wish that I had excerised
better self-restraint in my above-quoted response to u.

The record reflects that at least 7 denizens of this forum have
participated in the condemnation of my response to u,
in which I now join.

Accordingly, upon sober n earnest re-consideration:
I withdraw the above-quoted response to u,
and I TENDER MY APOLOGY for having thusly denounced u.

David

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@Eva,

Just give panz some time. I felt this same way until just a couple of years ago.

The first time I've probably ever did anything that my parents really didn't like. I know there are times before when they might have prefered I acted/did something different, but generally I was a "good" girl. I did what most parents would like - the moving thing was too hard on them and something they figured I'd never do and something they never wanted.

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And to all us current parents - just envision this - in 10. 20, 30 years from now - our own children writing these same things about us!

Or are we all that much better parents???

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some of us r immune to that

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@Linkat,

Quote:

Just give panz some time. I felt this same way until just a couple of years ago.

I didn't understand what you meant, can you explain linkat?

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My father possessed the "chicken little, the sky is falling" mode of operation. He never thought ahead, and planned, but waited for the other shoe to drop, before having to make a quick, and oftimes wrong, decision.

Because of that, he was seldom interested in me and my brother's day to day happenings. But he was always there for us, usually hysterical, when a serious problem arose.

I was very good at day to day things with my son, but even though I still plan and think ahead, the old wave of hysteria still affects me when something untoward happens.

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@Linkat,

Linkat wrote:

And to all us current parents - just envision this - in 10. 20, 30 years from now - our own children writing these same things about us!

Or are we all that much better parents???

I think about this all the time as a way to challenge myself. I think I'm a somewhat better parent than my parents. But I've already told my kids that each generation is supposed to be better than the last -- so I expect them to be better than me.

I recognize quite a few things in myself like my parents. For instance, I hate having my train of thought interrupted so when I'm not paying them the attention I should and am instead trying to focus on something else, I sometimes lose my temper at the distractions. However, I don't go get the belt and just start swinging at whoever is unlucky enough to remain in the room. Instead I start yelling. Then I realize I'm being an ass, and make my ranting purposefully humorous so that they will laugh at me instead of being scared.

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@FreeDuck,

FreeDuck wrote:

Linkat wrote:

And to all us current parents - just envision this - in 10. 20, 30 years from now - our own
children writing these same things about us!

Or are we all that much better parents???

I think about this all the time as a way to challenge myself.
I think I'm a somewhat better parent than my parents.

Do u ask your children 's opinions, in this effort?

Like Mayor Ed Koch asking "how am I doing ?"

David

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@panzade,

I was trying a sad attempt at being funny with a little bit of truth.

What I meant to say was up until a couple of years ago, I would have answered the same as you. Until the incident.....it was possibly the first time that it ever felt that my parents put their happiness before my own. I was always of the impression that parents put their children first so it was eye opening. And also the fact that I do not believe I have ever done anything that got them so extremely angry (I've been the goody two shoes) -

So I was attempting to be funny - like just wait until you do something your parents disapprove of - I didn't mean it seriously.

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@FreeDuck,

One thing I think I do more (if my parents even did this) is shallow my pride and say I'm sorry when I act unreasonably. I explain that adults sometimes lose their temper or do things they are not supposed to also. I shouldn't have beat the crap out of you for instance. (of course the beating is a joke)

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@Linkat,

I think that is a great thing to see parents doing.

Ap0logising, I mean, not the beatings!

Wink

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@dlowan,

To those of you who experienced abusive parenting....do you wish you had been removed from your parents?

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What is one mistake your parents made that you struggle to forgive?

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