What is one mistake your parents made that you struggle to forgive?

Undoubtedly. Females r MUCH too nice to do that.





David

Most of the time, when I mention man,
the reference is to the species, with no intention of leaving out chicks.





David

Yes.
He and I were very different.
He was a Roosevelt liberal and I was strident in opposing Roosevelt
and later Kennedy, in favor of personal liberty and individualism.
If my father were posting here, he 'd be hugely more popular than me,
tho when verbally attacked, he 'd not say much in his own defense,
whereas with me: that 's reflexive, unless I am too lazy.
Altho he woud not disagree with me about possession of guns,
he 'd advocate very different political principles than I do.





David

I shoud clarify:
altho this thread is about struggling to forgive parents,
I never felt bad about my father 's remark,
nor have I ever held it against him,
ergo: there was nothing to forgive.

I was only mildly amused by it.





David

There's been discussion here about "bad" parents hoping to have grandchildren. My father adored his grandchildren. He was a terrific grandfather. One Saturday morning during the time my sister had moved back home with her 2 year old daughter we sat stunned as my father got down on the floor on his hands and knees and gave my niece a "horsey ride" around the living room. Sis and I looked at each other in shocked amazement at seeing him play with his granddaughter. I'm not sure where her thoughts ran but mine were certainly toward wondering who this person was. He certainly wasn't anyone we knew.

Later, once I understood the pattern of his detachment from us, I realized that this fit as well. His grandchildren all had parents. His wife wasn't expected to be their mother. They weren't a threat to him the way we were. The difference between how he felt about his grandchildren and how he felt about his children was night and day opposites.

Grandkids aren't the threat that his own children were? That's a very interesting analogy, JPB. I've heard of people behaving so much differently with their grandkids than they did with their own children but this explanation is unique (to me) and I'll bet it's on pointe more times than not. We've all heard of parents becoming jealous of their kids with a spouse so this isn't at all far-fetched.
It helps when the reasons for someone's whack behavior becomes clear, doesn't it?

Indeed....though I think, sometimes, people also grow in wisdom and emotional intelligence through life....I have known several men, in particular, who were much better fathers to their children conceived in second marriages than they were first time round.

I wonder whether that has anything to do
with the different personalities involved.





David

You'll need to expand on what you mean if you want me to comment.

Different personalities of the fathers?

Of the grandparents?

Of the children?

Different people of all ages engage with one another
better or worse, depending upon how well thay reciprocally like
or enjoy each other 's personality.

Some people get along better with one another better than others.

With some people u have an almost instant liking;
with others an almost reflexive repulsion.

This applies to all generations that are actively involved in social contact.

I have heard fathers attribute different established personalities
to their different individual pre-verbal babies.



David

Yes, but I suspect it's more than that going on generally.

Very much agreed here, Bunny.

I've forgiven my mother a long time ago for the physical, verbal and emotional abuse while we were children. She was a very unhappy young woman and I believe she took her misery out on her children (and husband at times). While she was a complete bitch a certain amount of the time, she did have her moments where she showed us amazing love and caring and support and it was those moments that override. My dad allowed her to be overbearing and brutish and while I was not pleased with his "weakness" at the time, I do love the softie that he is. Years later, with us kids all grown, we love and adore our parents to pieces. We have all definitely forgiven, although I do remember Mum asking me why I have always been completely against marriage and having children and, before I could edit myself, it popped out of my mouth, "because I'm too much like you!" After a few moments she asked me to explain. I did and told her that I recognized that she and I were very alike in personality and I caught myself treating boyfriends just like I remembered her treating Dad when we were young. I also realized that I am a selfish person and it would be unfair to have children since I was concerned that my selfishness would lead me to be the type of parent that I would not wish on any child. While she cried about this, I told her I do not blame her or my childhood for my decision to never marry and remain childless. It would have been my choice anyway, regardless. I am not maternal and I am too selfish to give enough to another person to be in a happy marriage.

Compared to a lot here, I have really not suffered any great trauma and I think many people can look back at their childhood and will find something that needs forgiving. The hope is that the something is not too damaging and if it is that the damage can be repaired or somewhat mended. That is my wish for all my pals.

I have no doubt that if I were a parent, I would be the one complained about by my progeny. I already knew that I would make a lack-lustre parent. Good job I realized it before a poor child had to put up with my crap!

Nice post. It's good to have you posting again

Yes it was.
And yes it is, Heeven!

Can u be more specific ?

My father is a very difficult person to know. I had to forgive him for multiple wrongs that he did to me. It's still an on-going process - repeatedly forgiving - which is so difficult because my father is a strong personality.

Oh, gee, I do miss Heeven.

Thanks for starting up this thread again.

For the most part there's nothing to forgive them for. They were 2 individuals struggling with their own demons and flaws who did the best they could.

For the most part. Still deal with one huge issue placed upon me by my mother.

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