Quote:Thay reason that the offense was so unconscionably, flagrantly egregious
that forgiveness is not merited. I understand that and accept it; no objection.
Not everyone sees it that way.
Quote:My take is that forgiveness is not about the person being forgiven,
it is about the person who is forgiving.
Forgiver and forgiven r
BOTH parties to the process,
tho the pardoned offender is not necessarily aware of it; he might be.
Quote:
You forgive because you refuse to carry the offense around with you anymore.
More precisely, u decide not to carry the
ill will
and
vindictive wishes against the perpetrator around with u any more.
Quote:Being angry and/or blaming others degrades quality of life,
and me having the best quality of life is far more important to me
than whether those who transgressed against me deserved to be forgiven.
Not to imply that I was ever the victim of much transgression,
but in my
earlier years, I adhered to the point of vu that if anyone ever
did
transgress against me, then I 'd be happier after avenging myself upon him.
After
THAT, I coud forgive him.
In subsequent years: I changed my mind.
Call me
superstitious.
EXAMPLE #1
In the 1970s, a friend of mine, Donald, intentionally offended me, by surprize,
with gratuitously rude language. I was taken aback; I silently considered the situation.
In my mind, he was on trial, unbeknownst to him.
It was as tho I held him in the palm of my hand.
I knew that whatever I decided was going to happen to him,
was indeed going to happen to him. After considering the different possibilities:
I decided that -- on a whim, because I just felt like it -- I 'd allow
the scales of justice to remain out-of-balance.
On
a caprice: I decided to let him get away with it
(tho I knew that in the future, I coud bring a lot of vindictive power to bear).
About a year or two later, he bemoaned circumstances of emotional distress
inflicted upon him by someone of our acquaintance who used the same words
against him that he had used against me.
HER use of that same language was much worse, more humiliating,
than if I had avenged myself.
It was very poetic justice -- beyond a-million-to-one-shot.
I was very surprized. I reminded him. He accused me of putting a curse on him.
EXAMPLE #2
In 1978, I called the NY Telephone Co. and was informed that
a call from a non-coin operated fone cost 6 cents. In May of 1978,
I attended a convention of a social group that I 'd just joined.
It was in a large Manhattan hotel on the 18th floor.
I wanted to call my dead friend, Neil, just to ascertain that all was OK.
There was a fone on a table in the hospitality suite.
I was too lazy to descend to the lobby to use a fone booth.
I thought it 'd be polite to ask permission, rather than to just call.
I asked one Marlene, who was on the Board of Directors.
She refused. I offered 25 cents for a local call: refused again.
I offered 50 cents: refused again.
$1: refused.
$2: refused. I was silently
boiling mad, but restrained myself,
out of respect for private property.
A metaphysical advisor, Tony, advised that we practice forgiveness --
that we select an instance of resentment and
proceed to forgive.
Marlene became my target.
I did not think much about it, tho the forgiving was rather loathsome.
In 1980, we had another convention.
This time I was on the same Board of Directors as Marlene was
and I was the Treasurer of the Convention,
ex officio in possession of the Treasure.
Marlene called me for reimbursement of $6 for a fone call
for non-Mensa purposes, during the convention.
In keeping with the applicable rules established by the Board
qua personal fone calls: I refused. She was
flustered.
A few days later, she called me again, renewing her demand: I refused again.
A few days later, she called me again, renewing her demand: I refused again.
A few days later, she called me again, renewing her demand: I refused again.
A few days later, she called me again, renewing her demand: I refused again.
In the privacy of my own mind,
I marvelled at the precise ratio of 100:1
of my 6 cent call and her $6 call.
EXAMPLE #3
I rescued my friend, Elliot, from a difficult situation
and took him in as a partner in my law firm,
on condition that he not engage in a particular practice
without my approval: he agreed.
He subsequently violated this promise; flagrant treachery.
I was taken aback. I did not wish to rock the boat too violently
in my own firm. I decided on forgiveness; I 'd developed a good track record with that.
Maybe a month later:
AGAIN, I became witness to
super-poetic justice,
this time at the hand of a respected client, at Elliot 's personal expense.
He was reduced to an embarrassing position.
"The wheels of the gods grind slowly, but thay grind exceeding fine."
EXAMPLE #4
Another time, I had a repairman leave my place prematurely
to attend another job.
I privately n silently forgave him for failure to execute the repair.
The next day, he returned, lamenting his departure:
he said that his van had been broken into and he 'd lost valuable tools.
"Vengeance is mine" saith the Lord.
Is forgiveness
de facto a weapon?
Shoud u need
a license for forgiveness?
Shoud u have to
REGISTER forgiveness?
David
