Thanks for your response.
The control question doesn't seem to apply. There have been plenty of times that one or the other didn't want to get together, and so we didn't. When we are together, well, I guess I have control, since it's at my place usually and I make a dinner, sometimes I can give him a small choice in that area. I don't have a TV, I really focus on my piano and schooling, so prefer not to have a TV. I don't want either of my boyfriends (they both know I'm not monogamous) to just hang out and watch TV. Their visits are pretty focused on dinner, a walk, talking. Sometimes I'm doing chores like laundry and such intertwined with our time together. A couple of times he went to the store with me to be with me while I shopped and he's helped me carry the laundry .... all in all, I'd say I pretty much control the activities when we are together.
One lovely evening, I played the piano while he played a game on the computer and another he read while I was hanging pictures and he would help a little when I asked him too. He's really tall. Otherwise he stayed out of my way. Mostly our time is spent engaged together, but a couple of times like above, we were in the same place, but not completely engaged with each other.
I'm pretty busy, so don't usually have time for many activities. Sometimes we go to dinner and we have gone to see plays and the symphony and have gone to the park. Usually activities I pick. We are planning a camping trip. That's something I want to do more than him, although he has the camping equipment. We aren't going to rough it. We will be in a family camp ground with lots of other campers.
He helped me move across the state and carried boxes of my enormous library for me. And when it didn't work out, he lent me the money to return.
All in all, I'd have to say, it's been all about what I want or need, and little about what he wants or needs. He doesn't seem to have many wants or needs, other than, he really likes to be appreciated and praised! A bit of an ego there. But it's no effort for me. I really do enjoy and appreciate him.