Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Mon 24 Aug, 2009 10:12 am
@contrex,
My thoughts exactly - doesn't this personality sound pretty much like all those school shootings guys?

Anyone who talks about in such detail of harming others, I'd be worried about.
0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  2  
Reply Mon 24 Aug, 2009 10:15 am
@dupre,
I doubt the writers of movies and books actually show their loved ones how they would like to cut off fingers or strangle some one.

Why did you ask the question then, if you thought he was fine and doing such things was fine? I would think just you asking the question, you think something isn't on the up and up.
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Mon 24 Aug, 2009 10:46 am
@chai2,
I think your answer is right here linkie....

chai2 wrote:

Now stop being like all those females who come on here with problems that are so obvious, but they are looking for this one miniscule reason to stick with the guy.

Be careful how you get rid of this guy. I'm sure anything you do to break up with him will cause his true personality to come out.

On how to stop seeing him, I'm not much help, but I'm sure someone else here will have good ideas.


good lord
0 Replies
 
FreeDuck
 
  1  
Reply Mon 24 Aug, 2009 10:54 am
@dupre,
dupre wrote:

Yes, I think you are right about that. We have a mutual friend who suggested the same.

Any ideas about how to help this guy?

What does someone like that need?



Therapy or A2K. He needs to talk about it. He could also stand to drop some extacy now and again. (Ok, kidding) Seriously, he's not the first guy in the world to be raised by wolves, so to speak. I think he'd find many people who also had abusive mothers who eventually cut the tie of abuse. And by that I mean letting it go so thoroughly that there is no risk of repeating it.
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  2  
Reply Mon 24 Aug, 2009 11:06 am
The story about how he wants to shop with his shopping bag, and not use the cart, reminds me of something that once happened to me.

Years back I was working for awhile at a temp agency, being the one who sends the people out...it was mostly just day labor guys. Well, when I say "just" I don't mean disrespect to them as far as being a person, but it really didn't matter what their personality was like, unless they were seen as aggressive/violent or something. They could be as eccentric as they wanted to, as long as they wanted to put in a days work.

Anyway, this one guy handed me his application, and I looked it over before talking to him. Under the section for who to call in case of an emergency, he had written his doctors name and phone number. I remember thinking about how that's what always occured to me for a second to put down there, as in when I think of the word emergency I think about getting hurt or ill. Anyway, it really wasn't important, it wasn't like we ever used those emergency numbers, you know?

I called him in and was going over a few items, like verifying his phone number, and if he had transportation...then moved onto some other question.
He got all freaky on me because I'd skipped over the emergency contact number, saying "Didn't you see who I put down as who to contact in case of an emergency?"

I said, that yes, I did, and that number was fine, and tried to move on.

Oh no, he was insistant of telling me why he put his doctors number. Not because he had a medical condition, but that, if he was on a job, and there was an emergency involving him, his doctor should be the one who was called.

I said "ok, that's fine"

"No, you don't understand" he told me, "If someone is working, and an emergency happens to them, why would you put to call their wife or brother or friend? If there was an emergency, I would want my doctor to know something was wrong. Don't you see?"

Yes....I see. We'll make sure that number goes in your contact information.

"You just don't GET it do you? I want you to call my DOCTOR if there's an EMERGENCY."

yes, I get it.

It turns out that he was an aspiring comedian, and he was planning on using that material the next time he did an open mike night. He then started in with me I didn't I understand the irony of it, and didn't I realize that was FUNNY to put your doctors name as an emergency contact?

I'd had it with him by this time. I was really busy and really didn't like the job I had, and was looking for another one. Listening to this wanna-be Robin Williams try to argue with me about what was funny or not was stupid.

I remember him telling me I didn't have a sense of humor. I told him I did, and would laugh if he said something that was actually funny.

Then he tried to choke me with his belt.
shewolfnm
 
  1  
Reply Mon 24 Aug, 2009 11:18 am
@dupre,
dupre wrote:

Any more insight into Ian's dad? Can you give me some psychological terms to research? It's just so very odd. Personally, I've got plenty more to do in my life than spend time confronting managers at stores. I really don't get it....


Ians dad is NOT a good example.
He was discharged from the military labeled as a sociopath.

This man was............well


you are not dating a sociopath. Laughing

at least I hope so! haha

Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Mon 24 Aug, 2009 11:23 am
@chai2,
I guess you do have a sense of humor - I laughed at that one. Or maybe you have that same odd sense of humor I do.
0 Replies
 
dyslexia
 
  1  
Reply Mon 24 Aug, 2009 11:26 am
@shewolfnm,
http://maudnewton.com/images/20070224_winners_and_sociopaths.gif
dyslexia
 
  1  
Reply Mon 24 Aug, 2009 11:29 am
@dyslexia,
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_kjo2rYjqxms/SQ8EBSOXvUI/AAAAAAAAAoc/kptaejin9Mk/s320/1010.png
0 Replies
 
dupre
 
  1  
Reply Mon 24 Aug, 2009 12:50 pm
@chai2,
hysterical!!!!

I really laughed at this one!!!
Swimpy
 
  1  
Reply Mon 24 Aug, 2009 02:05 pm
@dupre,
dupre,

The guy has issues. I don't know if he's an anything-path, but the thing with the shopping bag sets off alarms. How long do you think it will be before he turns this side of himself on you? If you want to be his friend, fine. If you want to be his girlfriend, I have to question your judgement.
0 Replies
 
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Mon 24 Aug, 2009 03:39 pm
Quote:
He's very witty and super smart, a bit of a loner. Tries hard and achieves being very charming and thoughtful. I enjoy our time together, both as a friend and as a boyfriend.


Not to scare you silly, but have you ever read anything on the serial killer Ted Bundy? A number of things you said about your boyfriend reminded me of him. Some quotes from Wikipedia :

Quote:
Typically, Bundy would bludgeon his victims, then strangle them to death.

Sort of reminded me of your boyfriends fantasy

Quote:
In 1965, Bundy graduated from Woodrow Wilson High. Awarded a scholarship by the University of Puget Sound (UPS), he began that fall taking courses in psychology and Oriental studies. After two semesters at UPS, he decided to transfer to Seattle's University of Washington (UW).

Bundy was very smart

Quote:
As part of his course of studies in psychology, he would later work as a night-shift volunteer at Seattle's Suicide Hot Line,

He obviously had a thing for death, and I've little doubt people talking about ending it all would have fed his fantasies

Quote:
Bundy became an honors student and was well liked by his professors.[17] In 1969, he started dating Elizabeth Kloepfer, a divorced secretary with a daughter, who fell deeply in love with him.[18] They would continue dating for more than six years, until he went to prison for kidnapping in 1976.
Bundy had a number of girlfriends, and was from somewhere else I read, reported very charming. People knew him for many years never suspected him of what he did.
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Mon 24 Aug, 2009 03:49 pm
@dupre,
By the way, if you really want to be able to find out about him, get some samples of his handwriting and have them analysed (it's actually a field of psychology, well respected in Europe where numerous universities research/teach it - but less well known in America).

Among other things that Handwriting Analysis can tell (which are likely of interest to you) are whether or not people have issues with : Anger, control, sex, parental issues, volatile temper, mood swings, deception, emotional repression, how much space a person needs in their life.

Some forms of lettering are particularly prevalent in felons - eg, a letter form called the 'Felon's claw' appears in 85% of muderers handwriting. A sledgehammer form (I think that was the name of it) appears in numerous convicted serial killers writing (but hey, this form also appears in at least one very well known politician's handwritings - that I know of).

You could pick up a book from Amazon if you are interested (it is actually a very interesting field)
dupre
 
  1  
Reply Mon 24 Aug, 2009 09:03 pm
@vikorr,
I don't know how any of you came up with his having an obsession for death. He tried to pull me in for a hug with a belt he had in his hand.

The other thing was cutting off the fingers of cheaters ....

no death obsession here ...
0 Replies
 
dupre
 
  1  
Reply Mon 24 Aug, 2009 09:04 pm
@vikorr,
does sound interesting ... do you have an online link?
dupre
 
  1  
Reply Mon 24 Aug, 2009 09:21 pm
@dupre,
The follwoing is from the wikipedia article about Bundy--and it totally supports what my former police dept. boyfriend had said about serial killers.

BTW, some of your reactions are way over the top here. There's no comparison to Bundy. Geez!

In December 1987, Bundy was examined for seven hours by Dorothy Otnow Lewis, a professor from New York University Medical Center. Lewis diagnosed Bundy as a manic depressive whose crimes usually occurred during his depressive episodes.[107] To Lewis, Bundy described his childhood, especially his relationship with his maternal grandparents, Samuel and Eleanor Cowell. According to Bundy, grandfather Samuel Cowell was a deacon in his church. Along with the already established description of his grandfather as a tyrannical bully, Bundy described him as a bigot who hated blacks, Italians, Catholics, and Jews. He further stated that his grandfather tortured animals, beating the family dog and swinging neighborhood cats by their tails. He also told Lewis how his grandfather kept a large collection of pornography in his greenhouse where, according to relatives, Bundy and a cousin would sneak to look at it for hours. Family members expressed skepticism over Louise's "Jack Worthington" story of Bundy's parentage and noted that Samuel Cowell once flew into a violent rage when the subject of the boy's father came up.[108] Bundy described his grandmother as a timid and obedient wife, who was sporadically taken to hospitals to undergo shock treatment for depression.[109] Toward the end of her life, Bundy said, she became agoraphobic.[110]

Louise Bundy's younger sister Julia recalled a disturbing incident with her young nephew. After lying down in the Cowells' home for a nap, Julia woke to find herself surrounded by knives from the Cowell kitchen. Three-year-old Ted was standing by the bed, smiling at her.[111]

Bundy used stolen credit cards to purchase more than 30 pairs of socks while on the run in Florida; he was a self-described foot fetishist.[112]

In the Dobson interview before his execution, Bundy said that violent pornography played a major role in his sex crimes. According to Bundy, as a young boy he found "outside the home again, in the local grocery store, in a local drug store, the soft core pornography that people called soft core...And from time to time we would come across pornographic books of a harder nature...."[113] Bundy said, "It happened in stages, gradually. My experience with pornography generally, but with pornography that deals on a violent level with sexuality, is once you become addicted to it " and I look at this as a kind of addiction like other kinds of addiction " I would keep looking for more potent, more explicit, more graphic kinds of material. Until you reach a point where the pornography only goes so far, you reach that jumping off point where you begin to wonder if maybe actually doing it would give that which is beyond just reading it or looking at it."[113]

I know something about the Bundy-type of serial killer from my boyfriend who specialized in sex crimes. The above doesn't fit my situation. Geez!

0 Replies
 
dupre
 
  0  
Reply Mon 24 Aug, 2009 09:27 pm
In answer to the question, so why did I post....

I wanted to know if it's possible for someone to have and to express dark thoughts without that person ever acting on it...more like, what are the chances the thoughts will "bear" fruit to action.

It's been answered.

Most people do not act on their dark thoughts.

vikorr
 
  2  
Reply Mon 24 Aug, 2009 09:58 pm
@dupre,
Quote:
I know something about the Bundy-type of serial killer from my boyfriend who specialized in sex crimes. The above doesn't fit my situation. Geez!

Did anyone say your boyfriend was Ted Bundy? Similarities is what was mentioned.

And, while you think that people are overplaying " I think you’re attempting to underplay his behaviour, as a justification for...whatever it is that you wish to justify - your choices maybe? or your judgement? something else?

Below is how you underplay things :

Quote:
Last night, he shared that he'd really like to cut the fingers off of the cheaters, and he demonstrated what that would be like, with a knife and everything.


Quote:
I don't know how any of you came up with his having an obsession for death. He tried to pull me in for a hug with a belt he had in his hand.
What you originally said was :

Quote:
but he attempted to demonstrate what it would be like to choke someone with a belt.

What happens when you choke someone? They die. And why does he feel the need to demonstrate it?

Quote:
The other thing was cutting off the fingers of cheaters ....

no death obsession here ...

This form of reasoning is a deliberate attempt to dismiss someones behaviour by saying how little it is compared to something else. Everything behaviour should stand on it's own merits - and that behaviour is violently creepy.

And who said death obsession is the only thing to be worried about?

Quote:
I wanted to know if it's possible for someone to have and to express dark thoughts without that person ever acting on it...more like, what are the chances the thoughts will "bear" fruit to action.

It's been answered.

Most people do not act on their dark thoughts.

"Most people" has nothing to do with an individual. "Most people" is not an answer to your boyfriend at all.

Neither do "most people" demonstrate/attempt to demonstrate how their dark thoughts would work in real life.

He may or may not be another Ted Bundy, but his actions are definitely creepy, and probably bordering on mentally ill...people do not for no reason, demonstrate how they would like to maim someone, or kill someone. So what do you think his reason was for doing so?

And you yourself reasonably believed his behaviour over the line (otherwise you would never have used those words). Have you thought about why you have gone from believing his behaviour 'Over the Line?" to defending his behaviour (and the reasons for his behaviour)? Rather than just providing clarification?



0 Replies
 
contrex
 
  1  
Reply Tue 25 Aug, 2009 12:24 am
I agree with vikorr. Very well put. However I suspect that dupre will carry on believing what she wants to.
0 Replies
 
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Tue 25 Aug, 2009 02:34 am
By the way, just had a read of more of the thread, and realised I was the second who was reminded of Ted Bundy by the description you provided of your boyfriend...what a coincidence.
 

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