Workplace Courtesy

Had an argument with a coworker today.

Here's the story. I work a shift job that rotates. This means that after 4-5 days of 12 hour shifts, I have 4-5 days off. It's a pretty sweet deal. On those days that I'm off, a different set of teams are at work. These details will be important in understanding the general pattern and time line of events.

On my last day of work before a 5 day break, I managed to forget my coffee mug in a common area at work. Upon returning to to work, and opening my locker, I realized that my mug wasn't in it. I searched the common areas at work, and asked around. The mug was not to be found. I sent an email out to all of the teams (including the teams that were on break) asking if they had seen my mug and described what it looked like.

Today, I received an email from a coworker telling me that they threw away my mug. I was confused as to why a ceramic coffee mug would have been thrown in the trash (as opposed to other options). I had a chance to address said coworker at the end of my shift and they said it was trash. I protested that I felt that he had acted inconsiderately, and that I would have appreciated the chance to collect my belongings. Specifically, my problems was that by time I was aware my mug was not in my locker, it had already been thrown away. The mug in this case was a personal item I was very fond of, and I told him that I didn't understand how it could be considered the same as a wad of paper or a napkin laying around. I certainly didn't mean to leave my mug, and items left accidentally in our work common space is not uncommon. Further, it is not a part of any policy that personal items will be discarded. This was purely his decision to do this.

He was unapologetic. He mocked me, saying that I could stay for the next 12 hours, and I would get no apology. I don't understand the insistence on this kind of stubborn attitude.

The point he was trying to convey to me was that leaving messes in the workplace is inconsiderate to fellow coworkers. I didn't disagree, and I acknowledged that leaving my mug was my fault. I have no history of leaving items behind at work.

I asked him if this is how he would want his items/belongings treated if someone found them. He seemingly intentionally did not reply. I, accepting that I would receive no apology for what had happened, asked that in the future, that he allow for a team to return from break before he threw away personal belongings. This way they would have a chance to know they were missing and to be able to reclaim them.

He rejected my request, instead boasting that he believed he did no wrong. He told me if I have a problem, I should take it to our boss. I replied that this was not an issue that required authority, but rather an extension of common courtesy in the future. Feeling that I was being pulled into a fight, I exited the conversation having said all I could say without repeating myself. I talked with my team on our way out, my team lead could sense I was upset still.

While driving home, I felt myself clinching my teeth. I was angry, and upon realizing it, I knew there still remained a problem. My mug was gone. What was done was done. However, there was the remainder that now I was resentful of a coworker for how they treated my things, and how they treated my grievances.

I've done a lot of conflict management, and mediation, but this topic is about me, so i can't evaluate it without bias. I need to know how I've handled this so far, and how I should resolve this so that I can have a healthy workplace. I have no desire for a conflict like this, nor do I enjoy the feeling of anger. The key word here is "resolution." I don't feel like my grievance was taken seriously because this coworker (while not in my direct line of command, is of a higher position (he is the team lead for a different team). He is amongst 4 people who also ultimately decide how raises turn out. I am having a hard time trusting him after this. I feel he used his position, to ignore my complaint. Should I seek out a mediated meeting with our manager (we have the same manager)?

I don't want to resent a coworker.
I want my belongings to be respected.
I need resolution, so I can trust my coworker.

If any part is unclear, ask me questions. It's 11:18AM and I just got off a 12 hour shift, so I am a bit tired to go into every detail of our argument.

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