Useless inventions (invent something stupid today!)

I think it was comedy team Burns & Schreiber in the '70's that suggested the nuclear handgrenade. It made a hole 90 feet deep and 300 feet across. Only problem was, the average soldier could only throw it 20 feet.

Two ideas that friends of mine actually think would make them rich:

Double-sided plates, so you only have to wash them every other time.

A 'clapper' for the toilet so you don't have to touch the handle. Sadly, I saw an ad for this very item about 6 months ago.

That's like the double sided toilet paper?

They have soybean ink- what if they made the whole magazine out of soybean? Then, when you are finished with Reader's Digest, you can actually...digest it. And good for the ecology!

Equus - that would be USEFUL, not the point here!

CdeV - seem to have doubled up on the solar-powered flashlight.

However, a wind-powered fan would do quite nicely ;D

Large-type alphabet soup for people who need reading glasses.

Cocktail galoshes, to go with cocktail umbrellas.

Motorbike with airbags and air conditioning

A parachute that opens on impact.

Re: Uesless inventions (invent something stupid today!)

Silent alarm clock is not a silly invention. Some deaf people use an alarm device that switches on a powerful light bulb in preset hour. It is both silent and efficient alarm clock.
As an example of the useless invention I would propose a coffin that can be used several times.
Or, maybe, a lavatory bowl with upward flush.
Or a chewing gum recycling device.
Thermonuclear kitchen stove would continue my list.
Water soluble wine bottle sounds nice as well.
And what is your opinion on the hand grenade with instant explosion (regular grenades have a delay 3-5 seconds, depending on model)?

Instantaneous hand grenade has already been invented. Booby traps, ya know.

Instead of a car horn, how about a human voice? With car horns, you don't know if someone is saying "Hi" or "Getouttamyway". With a voice horn, you'd have much greater communicative ability. Just push a numbered button on the steering wheel to access a selection:
"Hey, Baby!"
"Learn to drive!"
"Excuse me"
"Look out!"
"Help me!"
"You idiot!"
"Whaddya, nuts?"
"The light changed already"
"Stay the hell off my bumper"
"Get a horse"
"Cop ahead"
"Honey I'm home"

Well jeez, a portal to the Internet that measures the IQ of the poster and cuts them off if it becomes to puerile (just over in ABUZZ, if you couldn't tell).

Well, that could never happen becau....

The chainsaw toothpick. (ouch!)

The rotozip cottonbud.

How about the REVERSE LOTTO. Instead of buying a $1 ticket for a chance at the jackpot-- you go in to a convenience store, say "I'd like a reverse lotto ticket, please." and the clerk GIVES you $1 and a ticket. If your numbers don't come up in the drawing, you get to keep the dollar, tax free. But if by some miracle your numbers do come up, the government confiscates everything you own.

Here's another - http://www.popcornfork.com/

Magnetic dandruff remover!

solar powered lamps
steam-powered tea cooker
plastic-protection covered webcam
blackscreen window
Living computer mouse
Bed made out of rock
Empty book (lol )
Do-it-at-home homegrown plant seeds
Thirty-two-legged chair
Hand-powered spaceship

Some of my favorites:
Non-waterproof toilet
Non-stick tape
Non-stick napkins