Gently chastising other people's kids, or the home field disadvantage

@ebrown p,

ebrown p wrote:

Quote:
OmSigDAVID wrote:

I was witness to something a little bit like this a few years ago.
Someone had thrown coins around in the grass (dimes and up)
to children gathered around.

I do hope the police were called to report this evident case of attempted child-luring.
It is simply dreadful when people do things like this.

This is a bit of an overreaction I think. Throwing coins is not a crime...
and I don't think you can (or the law should) judge intention.

When I do this sort of thing, I superglue the coins to the pavement.
It makes things a bit more entertaining.

Sometimes the guy drops coins
from passing hot air balloons.

Its entertaining as thay flash in the sun on their way down into the grass.

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@JPB,

JPB wrote:

sozobe wrote:
Still going for whether you're comfortable reprimanding someone else's, and if so what the stakes would need to be. (What if sozlet had won both fish, given one to K, and then K had been the one to ask for sozlet's prettier fish?)

I've reprimanded other people's kids. Not in a harsh, "You're a bad kid", way but in a way that got my point across. Case in point... I had a van load of 14 year old girls that I was driving to the mall. One girl in the back was talking about this girl and that girl (none of whom were in the car) and saying what she didn't like about this one and that one. Some of the other kids were agreeing with her assessment, others were agreeing by their silence. I stayed out of it until she said, "I can't stand her! All she does is talk about everyone behind their backs." Some of the kids agreed with her. I couldn't help myself and said, "Not that anyone in this car is doing the same thing, of course.", with heavy sarcasm. There was some nervous giggling and M quickly turned the discussion to which stores they were going to visit once they got to the mall.

That was clever and to the point, JPB.
When I have had occasion to do that (with friends, not strangers)
I went out of my way to do it on a plane of equality and collegiality,
simply explaining principles of fairness thay might not have considered,
so that no one thinks that he is being ordered around by some big-shot adult.

David

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Forgive me for not reading all responses..
but after reading the first page and skimming through the others..

My idea is that A) I am happy to hear that a child is confident enough in being able to speak up for what she wants to the point of asking for the better fish. I see nothing wrong with that at all. In fact, I would be MORE offput by the child who would say nothing about what they wanted as if their own feelings were not important.

Children trade things and ask for better things between themselves all the time.

Yes, the other girl got the prettier fish and it really was not selfish that she decided to keep it.... Again...with may children taught to be seen and not heard, Im again glad to hear a child speaking up for themselves.

It isnt as though sozlet was handed a dead fish. In that matter, I would have felt a need to step in as a parent.

But this situation? Nah. No need unless sozlet or friend is ever wanting to revisit it because they feel bad.

I tend to think that allowing children to work out their own issues between themselves is best. Even if we dont always see it as fair, we have to remember that we do not spend the majority of the time in their relationship with their friend to see the big picture. Maybe at school, or the park, or while they are playing.. etc, the tables are turned and Sozlet is given the better items, or more of something.. etc..etc.

We have a lot of these little issues pop up too. How DO you talk to someone elses child. it is always a touchy situation..

1 Reply

@shewolfnm,

Quote:

We have a lot of these little issues pop up too.
How DO you talk to someone elses child. it is always a touchy situation..

How about Lyndon Johnson 's maxim: "Come . . . . Let us reason together."

just one person to another

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@chai2,

To complete that saying....you get what you get and you don't get upset.

I think Sozlet was a doll and very generous and thoughtful. I would give her praise and perhaps even reward her in a small way. She is smart beyond her years - she realized that her friendship and making her friend happy over a little thing was more important than getting the "pretty fish" and she was also insightful enough to know that you can look beyond the beauty and see something more precious in what is unique about her fish.

1 Reply

@sozobe,

Ah - after going back and reading this - I see what you are getting at. If you feel that another child in your care at the time does something you feel isn't right - how do you handle it? In most cases, if it were more moral, I wouldn't say anything. It is up to the child's parent to correct certain behaviors.

However, seeing I have often chaperoned field trips I have had to deal with such situations. And I admit, I have "corrected" a child. Usually though I make it lighter than I would of my own child. I would suggest this is a better way to say something or maybe they should consider this - or do you think that is very nice? I soften it in a sense.

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@Linkat,

Linkat wrote:

To complete that saying....you get what you get and you don't get upset.

I think Sozlet was a doll and very generous and thoughtful. I would give her praise and perhaps even reward her in a small way. She is smart beyond her years - she realized that her friendship and making her friend happy over a little thing was more important than getting the "pretty fish" and she was also insightful enough to know that you can look beyond the beauty and see something more precious in what is unique about her fish.

I just voted u UP.

Its fun to be kind to our friends-- to dump
surprizes of joy on them unexpectedly.

David

1 Reply

@OmSigDAVID,

Quote:

Linkat wrote:

To complete that saying....you get what you get and you don't get upset.

I think Sozlet was a doll and very generous and thoughtful. I would give her praise and perhaps even reward her in a small way. She is smart beyond her years - she realized that her friendship and making her friend happy over a little thing was more important than getting the "pretty fish" and she was also insightful enough to know that you can look beyond the beauty and see something more precious in what is unique about her fish.

Oh yes Linkat

Me too David.

Giving kids encouragement over being giving and generous is a great thing. And I love ugly fish. Anything that is not so pretty seems to need it more to me.

It is hard for Moms...I want my kids to be happy. And not disappointed. I love that Sozlet was so giving and in the end seems so happy with her Mohawk fishy.

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Sorry if this has already been said..

I would have done exactly the same thing you did Soz, but also, later, I would have talked to the Sozlet about it, ask her how she felt, ask her if she would do the same thing if the situation was reversed. I'd get her to think about how K was feeling and why she may have done that. It's a chance to practice deliberate empathy, I guess. I'd probably also tell her I was proud of how she dealt with her guest.

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I remain perplexed and uncertain of whether I was morally right or rong
to have done nothing and kept my mouth shut when that 7 year old girl
traded her $10 gold piece for a larger size Morgan silver dollar
(which was obviously worth much less [not obvious to her]).

The father of 11 year old boy who traded his silver dollar for the gold $10
owned a coin store. Before having thrown the coins,
the donor showed him the silver dollars and the $10 gold pieces,
because of his expertise in coins.

The boy 's father was not a witness to the trade in question.

I am a long time believer in laissez faire capitalism.

I wonder whether I was right or rong
to have said nothing.

David

1 Reply

@OmSigDAVID,

Oh David...I would have said something. If the little girl did not have someone there to let her know that her trade was not fair. She is 7. She needed someone to let her know what the value of each of the coins were so she could make a decision from that. As it was it sounds like she was taken advantage of. But that's just me - I would have stuck my nose in there especially if she did not have a parent there to help her make that decision.

1 Reply

@mismi,

mismi wrote:

Oh David...I would have said something. If the little girl did not have someone there to let her know that her trade was not fair. She is 7. She needed someone to let her know what the value of each of the coins were so she could make a decision from that. As it was it sounds like she was taken advantage of. But that's just me - I would have stuck my nose in there especially if she did not have a parent there to help her make that decision.

I understand.
I was not sure of whether to do anything,
or if so: what.

It was a question of whether or not I shoud meddle in other people's business.
I just did not know what was best.

Something similar in principle (whether or not to offer unsolicited advice)
occurred at another time n place:
I was walking toward the entrance to a restaurant.
Next to me there was a boy who looked about ten years old or so,
who was also approaching the door. I 'd never seen him b4.

I saw him look at his hand for a few moments, which was very black with dirt.
Somehow, the question came into my mind of whether he was thinking
of licking his hand. (I have no idea of Y I thought that.)
It occurred to me to raise my voice, but I remained silent.
He was a total stranger; I was no one to him.

I was right; I saw him lick the palm of his very black hand.
Again, I said nothing. I respected his privacy.

My mind was full of doubts and uncertainties.
Again, the same as the lost $10 gold piece,
I did not know right from rong as to what to do.

I still don 't.

Sozlet understands right from rong better than I do.

David

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Gently chastising other people's kids, or the home field disadvantage

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