17
   

Proved I'm not a Hypocrite Today...

 
 
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Sun 7 Jun, 2009 04:39 pm
Hi Diest,

Personally, if she was only midly intoxicated, then I wouldn't believe her 'I don't remember the conversation'. If she had a lot to drink, then that's a whole different kettle of fish.

Have you actually asked her out on a date?

Btw (I didn't read everything) don't go telling her you're in love with her.
0 Replies
 
churib6464
 
  1  
Reply Sun 7 Jun, 2009 04:40 pm
@Diest TKO,
WOW!! You tell it well!!! I too have been there...it it matters to anyone?
0 Replies
 
George
 
  2  
Reply Sun 7 Jun, 2009 04:47 pm
Yeah, but you kissed her. And she liked it. And you liked it. It didn't turn out
the way you wanted, but you put yourself out there and you learned something.
Now what it was you learned I have no clue, but you sure as hell did and now it's
part of what you know and what you build on as you go on. Someday you'll
look back on it and the sweet will be what you mostly remember.

This is all easy for me to say. I'm just an old fart with memories sweet and sour.
The sour ones can still set my teeth on edge, but man-oh-man those sweet ones.
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Sun 7 Jun, 2009 04:47 pm
@Rockhead,
Rockhead wrote:

I think a lot of times when things happen quickly, and alcohol is involved, it is easier for someone to say, "gee I don't remember that, can I get a do-over"...


egg-zaked-tidly

she didn't have to be rip roaring drunk, just loose enough were it seemed like a good idea at the time.

that doesn't make you "someone's mistake" she just got uninhibited over a couple drinks. She did, you did but with a different end result in mind. It happens.

How many times have women gotten romantic with a guy, just to sit by the phone waiting for him to call? Countless obviously. It hurts, and you don't understand, because there was obviously such chemistry. While you sitting and thinking how perfect you'd be for each other, he's playing softball. I've done it, more than once. I'd bet everyone, male and female has.

I'm not making light of it, but it's one of many of lifes feature presentations. This is the one about unrequited love, like, lust, etc.

I've known a number of women that, even after just a couple of drinks just feel sexier. Hell, I think we all feel sexier, but some are quicker to act on it. Just like some guys turn into Casanova's after a couple of drinks.

You are a born romantic. That's who you are. You have a difficut time believing/understanding that a couple drinks could induce someone to act in a way that you were interpreting as something with meaning.

Count yourself fortunate it stopped at kissing. In college, the best friend of a roommate of mine would have one drink, and I mean one, and would literally be willing to have sex with any man. That really wasn't her. She was actually very proper, and talking about sex in front of her would really embarrass her. My roommate, her friend, was really really a good friend, and watched her like a hawk.

You must remember this....
A kiss is just a kiss....
A sigh is just a sigh...
The fundamental things apply,
As time goes by.




0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Sun 7 Jun, 2009 04:49 pm
@ehBeth,
ehBeth wrote:

You're not dating her. You were out in a group of people with her. Telling her your feelings on an evening that was set up as a group get-together was a bit like slapping her with a wet towel. Unexpected, not the right time.

I know that it's often said that getting older isn't for sissies, but you couldn't pay me to be young and fussing about relationship crap again.

~~~

Try not to think about this sort of thing so much. If you're interested, ask her/whoever out on a date - at least they get some hint/warning where you might be going emotionally.

As a former young dater, I'd say that the evening working its way down to you, her, her brother should have been a warning to you. She coulda sent her brother away if she'd wanted to be alone with you. Having a brother/pal hang until the 'guy' will go away is often a red flag.

~~~

Kissing's fun. It doesn't necessarily 'mean' anything.


Spot on.

I know, I know....us old fogies don't know a thing.
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Sun 7 Jun, 2009 04:51 pm
@George,
George wrote:

This is all easy for me to say. I'm just an old fart with memories sweet and sour.
The sour ones can still set my teeth on edge, but man-oh-man those sweet ones.


Yeah...shut up you old fart Wink
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sun 7 Jun, 2009 04:55 pm
Wise Chai..
0 Replies
 
George
 
  1  
Reply Sun 7 Jun, 2009 04:56 pm
@chai2,
Quote:
Yeah...shut up you old fart . . .

No chance
0 Replies
 
Diest TKO
 
  1  
Reply Sun 7 Jun, 2009 05:00 pm
@ehBeth,
Oh she did send her brother away. She kept sending him off to talk to groups of girls and stuff. It felt very intentional to be alone with me.

The next time I'll see her will be at a going away social for another coworker tomorrow, and then work on Tuesday night. I think I can manage to bring myself to act normal at work even if I don't feel normal. Acting as if everything is normal when it's not kind of makes me feel fraudulent though.

Meh...

T
K
O

ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sun 7 Jun, 2009 05:05 pm
@Diest TKO,
Well, there's your hangup. Needing to be expressive all the time? (stares at herself..)

Self control and acting aren't an equation.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Sun 7 Jun, 2009 05:06 pm
@Diest TKO,
No. Away. Not part of the evening. He was there for a reason. Been there, done that.

Next time you're interested in someone, ask them out on a date, date them for a while, then consider telling them how you feel.

~~~

This whole sensitive new-age guy thing just isn't any better than it was 25 years ago. Feh.
Diest TKO
 
  1  
Reply Sun 7 Jun, 2009 05:11 pm
@ehBeth,
I didn't go there with any plan. I just felt that in a moment when someone is advancing affection towards me, that maybe I was safe to tell her how I felt. I was wrong I get that.

I'm a sensitive person. It's how I was raised. I think it would be a lot easier if I didn't feel as much. Go easy on me will ya? I feel like **** already.

Ouch. Ouch. I get it. I'm a fool. I did it wrong.

T
K
Ouch.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sun 7 Jun, 2009 05:13 pm
@ehBeth,
But, Beth, I keep hearing on a2k that nobody dates any more.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  2  
Reply Sun 7 Jun, 2009 05:17 pm
@Diest TKO,
Good grief, TKO. Why are you battering yourself on this? Can you even conceive that you acted fine enough?
Diest TKO
 
  1  
Reply Sun 7 Jun, 2009 05:27 pm
@ossobuco,
I'm being told to batter myself.

I'm apparently another failed sensitive new-ager. I look at the world wrong. I'm upset, and even being upset, I should be less upset apparently. I can't feel anything in a way that others approve of.

I'm down, and I feel like I'm taking blows here.

T
K
O
Diest TKO
 
  1  
Reply Sun 7 Jun, 2009 05:29 pm
@Diest TKO,
Sorry Osso.

I'm just hurt. It sucks being hurt and then having to feel stupid on top of that.

T
K
O
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sun 7 Jun, 2009 05:52 pm
@Diest TKO,
Geez, tko, I could be you, if I were male and youngaer. Be calm, you're fine.
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Sun 7 Jun, 2009 05:59 pm
@Diest TKO,
Who's telling you to batter yourself?

No one here.

No one's telling you to be less upset, just telling you that we've been there/done that, multiple times.

I sense you're looking for a way in which someone doesn't approve of you.

What? So we can feel bad for making you feel bad?

There's sensitive, and there's looking for the slightest provocation to be called oversensitive.Would you prefer we all walk on eggshells around you? Then you can say we're note speaking frankly, that you can sense we're only placating you.

Learn the lesson
Put it down
Continue on with life.

You're in the process of putting it down, but that's your process, and doesn't include anyone sending you blows.

How about being sensitive to our feelings, that your making us feel like we're beating you up?

The only one getting down on you, is you.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sun 7 Jun, 2009 06:01 pm
@ossobuco,
Re hurt -
ahhhhhhh.

Well, this girl/woman hasn't worked out her own behavior yet, and you haven't either, reasonable for your ages. I think she does like you, but caught herself being, mmm, too open.

As it's a work situation, I'd be careful. There are reasons for all the old comments re work and sex.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Sun 7 Jun, 2009 06:03 pm
@Diest TKO,
I don't think you should be less upset, emotions are what they are.

I keep forgetting something that mrs. hamburger tried to teach me and hamburger - that intelligence doesn't equate to emotional savvy. My expectations of you are different because you are a smart guy. That is my problem - I expect you to be able to be as measured and smart in your social/emotional stuff as you can be in political debates. It's unreasonable of me. I KNOW that, I don't always remember that.

While it is unreasonable for me to expect you to be smart in all areas, I still think it was not reasonable for you to think it was a good idea to tell someone you aren't dating about your feelings for her.

Now, the sensitive new age guy thing. That is a reference to an ancient song (not quite as ancient as I'd thought, but ancient) by Christine Lavin. Apropos, but best listened to another day.
 

Related Topics

 
Copyright © 2021 MadLab, LLC :: Terms of Service :: Privacy Policy :: Page generated in 0.04 seconds on 12/07/2021 at 07:25:33