Bad mood bashing

Wishing you rest and no bad phone calls.

Land O'Goshen, Geez Louise, Lord Love a Duck, and many more flibbertygibbet epithets of amazement, Chai.
Hang in there.

Here, (((hands Chai her favorite food treat, on a platter))), plus a nice pillow.

Remember that thay want u to scratch their jaws.





David

I wish u and your husband the very best good fortune, Chai.
Your husband has a real TREASURE in u.
From your posts, I see that u r a very logical person.
U have strength and courage.

Your mind is superbly well organized.





David

Than you David.

I take that as a huge compliment.

Like everyone else, I get hit with something, and for a period of time I'll not know what do to.

I think that time period for me is shorter than for many people.
On Thursday night, I got home at 1am (I suppose that make's it Friday morning) and I slept until 10am, when someone knocking on the door woke me up.

I didn't answer it, because it's my right not to answer my own door.

I made some coffee, didn't feel like reading, so I went to some mindless internet games.

After half a cup, I thought to myself "What am I doing?" Then I answered myself, "Letting the back of my mind work", and I kept playing, with no conscious thoughts. When I finished that cup, the server pulled up the information what I had to do, and all I had to figure out were the steps would be.

Prime objective: This man is not coming home.

The rest was all academic.

Facinating.

oh....I really don't know if this is because I tend to be "logical" about some things, but I think maybe that's what enables me to maintain a sense of humor, unless it's in the very worst of situations at the moment.

While driving to the hospital in 5 o'clock traffic, I tried to keep him occupied by occassionally asking he if we knew where we were going, where we were, etc.

He kept doing things like slowly noticing there was a cd sticking out of the player, taking it out, looking at it, then try to stick it in the air conditioner vent. Then he leaned over, picked up a pad of paper from the floor and tried to insert that in the cd player. When that didn't work, he would examine the object in a puzzled way, like "I'm new on this planet. This strange device, what is it's purpose?" I have to admit, watching him made me chuckle a couple of times.

chai2 wrote:

So, it falls to u to decide: "What 's next?"

I completely agree.

I admire your strength and smarts.

Oh, and your humor.

Did u get a diagnosis ?

Well, we are now entering a realm where the only honest answer would be a combination of...

We don't know yet..it's a combination of many things..we will never know 100% accurately..liking the effects of his pain killers... dealing with aging and a preceived loss of manhood ( subsequently trying to proove to no one but himself how tough he is...not taking proper care of himself phyisically...etc, etc.

Re the pain killers, I'll admit I had a wake up call, by something the neurologist said. Funny how we become complacent.

That doctor said that has he was aging his reaction, ability, need for drugs would change, tolerance would surely go down. In other words, cut back, cut out...

My husbands reaction was that "I've been on this dosage for 20 years" as in I've been taking this dosage this long, that must mean I need it.

Doctor: Yes, and 20 years ago you were 42....now you're 62.

As I've written extensively on other threads, he has a heart condition (Vfib), and a defibrillator. There are meds he needs to take for that.

Now the question is...did/does he have epilepsy? Is is that his meds were intacting? Is there another problem? I'm sure a few more monkey wrenches will be thrown in there.

Since he went in Thursday night, he'd been there Friday, then 2 weekend days where it's harder to get things done...now it's Monday and I'm sure things will move faster.

My opinion is that he needs to go into a combo of physical and drug rehab. He's weak, and now in a state where he recognizes that. He said to me last night "Well, we've got that elliptical machine at home, and the rower" I replied that neither one of us were in a position to determine what is the best method for him to regain his strength, and to get a plan for continued improvement at home. He nodded and said "yeah, you're right."

As far as the drug rehab thing, I'm a bit conflicted on that.

A bit of background...my husband and I met 22 years ago at an AA meeting. We've been married 16 years. By the time we got married, neither on of us went there anymore. I can't speak for his reasons, but in my opinion, AA is a big cult.
Everything is fine as long as you parrot slogans on the wall, but as soon as you express an intelligent thought of your own. Dire predictions are thrown at you.
If you don't go to meetings, and aren't drinking, you're "on a dry drunk"
If you express that, no, life is really fine, you're "in denial"
If you say "I think..." you're told "you're best thinking got you here"...well, no, my worst thinking got me here actually.

I'm not concerned if he went to a rehab that heavily stressed AA that he would become reindoctrunated (sp), but it would be bloody annoying.

He needs to develope healthy habits and clear his mind. Not be told that danger is lurking around ever corner...by people sitting there smoking their lungs out.

Go find some of the threads that have started here re AA, by those who are still devotees...

I gotta get ready for work now....

Well, the AA thing really can be abboying. For some. Others need it.

[I don't think it would have been or will be good for me either: thus I avoided it in therapy .... and founded/joined different selfhelp groups, 26 years ago.]

I'm sure, you'll (all concerned) will find some alternatives if the kind of rehab really is an option ...

Oh, AA! I was in ACoA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) some 20 yrs ago.

As a life-long Atheist, I had big problems with the whole God/Higher Power thing. I was told that I would "accept the presence of God in my life" when I was older and more mature. Yeah, well, that never happened.

I think a lot of people have such problems with AA; as a result, there are a lot more alternative programs than there were 20 yrs ago. So AA/NA isn't the only show on the road.

thanks BK.

I get tired that so many people feel they need to tippy toe around AA like it's some sacred cow.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, AA has helped all these people. For some it's annoying, for others it's the only way to go.

The problem is, if someone is really bad and needs help and is the point of realizing they need it, you don't want to rain on their parade by telling them that sure, AA will help them get sober, but if you have any sense, you'll realize in a few years that you have so much more to do that's fulfilling than sitting around listening to the provencial little stories. Stuff that once filled you with awe will become trite.

Oh, then you'll hear that your purpose is supposed to help another suffering alcoholic....problem is, those rooms are full of people who believe everyone is suffering, and on the brink of disaster if they don't make their meetings and contact their sponsor.
There's plenty of people who get off on being there and advising people on how they should live their lives. I'm not one of them.

Shaking the topic up a little bit I guess. I started boring myself.

heh....I rememer hearing the great "AA promises" like they were some sort of mind blowing cosmic experience. Even when I first got there I remember thinking...well, yeah, that's pretty much what I expect would happen when someone stays off the sauce.

Things like...
You'll intuitively know how to handle situations that used to baffle you...
yeah, of course you will, you'll know where your car is, and more amazingly, your car keys.

Financial insecurity will disappear....um....yeah, you'll hold onto a job. No mystery there.

It's like the end of Monty Pythons "The Meaning of Life"....

"Try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in, and try and live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations."

oh...I personally had no problem with the God thing...but that Higher Power thing really ended up getting on my nerves. Especially when you'd hear someone say "I made the box of kleenex on my nightstand my Higher Power, since I can't believe in God...and I haven't had a drink today."

Give me a break.

AA - Cult - yes or no?

Discuss.

Gads, you are so funny! Higher Power = Box of Kleenex! Find your car AND your car keys!

I couldn't do the "higher power" thing any better than the God thing.

When they said (to poor godless me), "Just make the group your higher power," I'd look around and think, "But, this is the most f**ked-up group of people I've ever been with. How's THAT gonna work out?" I might have done better with the Kleenex.

I had an ex-boyfriend in AA who'd send me a letter every couple of months apologizing for being such a screwed-up drunk during our relationship. After many such letters, I found them selfish, stupid, self-serving, and annoying.

I finally wrote him back and said, basically, "Cripes, will you just SHUT UP, and go do your stupid 'Steps' with someone else?"

I don't know enough about AA to say whether it's a cult or not. With ACoA, however, I eventually just got tired of talking about it all the time, and was an utter failure with the God/HP deal anyway.

Others? Discuss, please.

That is an interesting topic, Chai and Boriskitten. I myself have no experience with AA. I have heard a criticism but do not know if it is valid. Someone said they rejected such a program because it is replacing an addiction to alcoholism with an addiction to God. Is that a valid criticism?

ain't that the truth!

Don't know about AA, I am sure it has strong sect-like elements to it. I myself stay away from such things like the devil from holy water, as we say. A friend went through the "Landmark experience" -- and that was a nightmare for me to see... although undeniably he was a much easier person to get along with...but in a slightly creepy way. The way the whole group works sends shivers down my spine...brrrrrr.

To give the devil his due (but not holy water), I made some lasting friendships there.

Thing is, if you've fucked your life up so much that you're there, you don't know how to have healthy relationships. You either isolated yourself, or had a really poor quality of friends, or have pushed decent friends and family away....actually, a combination of all of these.

Really simple, yet important things like that are baffling. That's because you don't know how to do simple. Since your life revolved around drinking, it took a lot of work to keep people off your back, get up in the morning, keep your lies straight, look people in the eyes, etc.

A group of us "girls" would go out to the movies, roller skating, to get a bite to eat....it was in situations like that that I learned to have a good time and be a normal person.

Sure, there was self examination, as in "Man, I was a real **** to that person. I better go apologize and see if I can make it up to them"

It really is no more complicated than that, but if you aren't used to making things right with others, it's hard.

Then, it's like "go and sin no more"...in other words, just be a normal person.

Problem is, people get sucked into the idea they can't be normal on their own.

well, I guess some can't. but they usually aren't too normal sitting in those rooms for years either.

Like BK said, they are the most fucked up people you'll meet, and when you loose your **** upedness...you want to go forth.

Such really can be - and it happens (too) often. (To sum up 130 pages of my thesis and the experience of 25 years in the "alcohol/drug business" as well as that of my life as an alcoholic.)

oh certainly - i was just remarking on Landmark... I don't have any experience with AA. But I am 100% sure it is a whole different thing to be inside and to observe from outside...

Plus, it's a good place to meet guys, as evidenced by 2 husbands and various other liasons.