I cheated once!!

Keep your mouth shut. Let's face it, you did a hooker, All guys do that once in a while.

I agree. Keep your mouth shut.

I'm a woman, so it may seem strange to some other women to say that, but if this person really is "the one", don't screw it up over something that (hopefully) won't ever be repeated, didn't mean a thing, and no matter how you slice it, is going to cause problems. I've been around the block a few times, and as many "Oh No's" this will get, full disclosure is not always necessary.

Women are all about emotions, talking things out, etc. and men, well, aren't. You'll never get her to stop wanting to talk this out, over and over. This is one of the rare cases where ignorance is bliss.

One thing you MUST do before having sex with your girlfriend is to get tested for STD, HIV, etc.
I don't know the time frame for getting the results on something like that, but DO NOT put this person at risk over your mistake.

If your gf wants to have sex before you know you're clean, tell her you strained your groin or something.

I agree with Chai.

But.. this should not become a habit. You may not be ready to "settle down", and need to understand yourself about all this.

I agree with Chai and Osso., and I too am a woman. There are some things better left unsaid.

Another thought. did you use a condom? If not, don't go near your girlfriend until you have yourself checked for STDs.

I tend to agree with Chai and Phoenix, but...

Were there people at this bachelor party that might tell your girlfriend? Word does get around. If there's any chance that she might find out from someone else, it would be better to tell her yourself.

penetrating question, when's the wedding

Morality aside, let's hope you didn't catch a disease and then passed it on to your girlfriend.

My fears exactly. Did they take pictures?

Deny all.

"baby, those guys are just jealous because they don't have someone as wonderful as you."

I'd deny it too. Most important question though is: did you use a condom!
If not, you better tell your girlfriend and you both need to be tested for STDs.

man, we're a bunch of crafty old broads here, aren't we?

pictures? what about videos? cell phones....duh.

I think the consensus of the worldly wise is to cover this up as best you can, and move on.

Regardless of what you read here, something tells me you're going to end up telling her. Just realize when you do that the only person who can possibly feel better afterwards is you. Guilt is a hard thing to carry. Passing your news onto her might make you feel better but it isn't going to do anything for her.

I agree with others. She's probably going to hear about it. I don't agree that it would be better to hear it from you. Nor do I suggest that you deny it if confronted by her. It happened. You feel badly. It's a pain you've been carrying ever since. You didn't want to hurt her. blah, blah, blah... Don't bring it up, but don't lie to her either.

Unless he doesn't want to have sex with his girlfriend for 9-12 months (the amount of time you need to be tested for HIV, though simpler STD's are much shorter to find the results for), this advice, while it's the proper course of actions, isn't overly helpful. If their sex life suddenly changed, with nothing but rejection for the next year - I'm quite sure it'd raise a lot of questions in her mind, and probably also hit hard on her self esteem....probably leading to her leaving...ie. when someone is in love with a woman and cheats on her with unprotected sex...there is no good solution to this.

As for cheating on your girlfriend, there is a myth going around that people are monogomous (in terms of sexual attraction). The simple fact is, if you can't be attracted to many different women, you would not find the one woman that you want to spend the rest of your life with (and in reality there are many of these also, otherwise, in 6billion people, the chances of you finding 'the one' would be very, very, very slim). That genetic trait of attraction to women doesn't suddenly disappear once you enter a relationship. Many people suppress or ignore it. Many are deeply in love enough with their other half that they don't pay any attention to it - but it always exists in its natural form. If you are one of those who suppress it, then you can bet your bottom dollar that Alcohol will bring it out (alcohol seems to bring out anything that is normally suppressed for some reason).

stiff dick has no conscience. Hush.

But its owner should have one. If I stole money out of your pocket and said "It wasn't me, it was my hand", you'd say I was being ridiculous.

A guy who would have sex with a "stripper", (a prostitute is actually the right word) is a great big SLEAZEBAG. And a guy who would pretend it was not his fault because he was drunk and because his friends encouraged him is DISHONEST.

A sensible girl would not marry such a guy.

Contrex, you are very harsh for a person who is dishonest yourself.

You are also very harsh for a guy who thinks of having sex with girls who wouldn't want you thinking such thoughts about them.

You are also very harsh on the 'stripper' who is also human - a person who experiences all the emotions us humans are capable of feeling : hurt, anger, love, pride, shame, loyalty, friendship, uncertainty, faith, joy etc.

Come to think of it, by your own method of judgement, who would want to marry a person who is so harsh and lacking in compassion?

(if you will notice, that last paragraph is innaccurate for who you are...for the same reasons your judgement also is inaccurate for who the OP is)

Was she any good?

solopsister said:



I totally disagree that you shouldn't tell her. The woman has the right to know who she's marrying - and if you only tell her because she'll find out when people talk or someone may have taken pictures - she's marrying a ******* coward.

She'd probably rather marry a human being who was tempted and made a mistake than a dishonest coward who can't own up to what he did and is.

If I did the same thing - I'd HAVE to tell - as in - I couldn't walk around for fifty years and look the guy in the eye with a lie under my belt.

Tell her - it's her right to know- and it's your responsibility to live with the consequences of your actions.

(I might marry a guy if he did this and told me about it (I'd just make him wear a condom for the rest of our marriage)- but I sure as hell wouldn't marry one who did it and lied about it).

Mouth shut--fingers crossed--deny, deny, deny.