Should we retool our response to intimate relationship violence?

....the problem will result in unreasonable punishment of their mates.

Of the 200 Boston youths (ages 12 to 19) surveyed last month, 51 percent said Chris Brown was responsible for the incident, 46 percent said Rihanna was responsible and 52 percent said both were to blame; 52 percent said the media was treating Brown unfairly; 44 percent said fighting was a normal part of a relationship; and a “significant” number said “Rihanna was destroying Chris Brown’s career.” Women blamed Rihanna as much as men did.

There is no unreasonable punishment for a guy who physically abuses his wife/girlfriend.

The act of violence by singer Chris Brown against his girlfriend, the popular singer Rhianna, is a prime example. Both are under twenty-five, both are financially set, yet a pattern of violent behavior has been documented by both friends and co-workers of the two celebrities.

Relationship violence and sexual assault in this age group cuts across all genders, sexual orientation, and racial backgrounds. It is an accepted part of any teen couple's relationship and that is as disturbing as it is sad. The idea that a couple expects some type of abuse in their relationship is frightening. Where did this "it's okay" attitude come from?

In 2006, the American Journal of Public Health reported that over thirty percent of teens had experienced physical or emotional battering in their relationships. That percentage has risen twenty percent in the last two years. Violence is an accepted fact of life to these couples.

I don't believe that you intended this as you wrote it, did you, CJ? For surely there is unreasonable punishment as opposed to reasonable punishment

In a recent survey of 200 teenagers by the Boston Public Health Commission, 46 percent said Rihanna was responsible for what happened; 52 percent said both bore responsibility, despite knowing that Rihanna’s injuries required hospital treatment.

IN the hallway of Hostos-Lincoln Academy in the Bronx this week, two ninth-grade girls discussed the pop singer Chris Brown, 19, who faces two felony charges for allegedly beating his girlfriend, the pop singer Rihanna, 21. At first, neither girl had believed Mr. Brown, an endearing crooner, could have done such a thing.

“I thought she was lying, or that the tabloids were making it up,” one girl said.

Even after they saw a photo of Rihanna’s bloodied, bruised face, which had raced across the Internet, they still defended Mr. Brown. “She probably made him mad for him to react like that,” the other ninth grader said. “You know, like, bring it on?”

The girls agreed that Mr. Brown overreacted. According to court documents, the fight last month erupted after Rihanna read a text message to Mr. Brown from another woman. Mr. Brown, the affidavit said, then punched, bit and choked her.

Should he be punished? No, said the girls, whose names were withheld at the request of the school. After all, they said, Rihanna seemed to have reconciled with Mr. Brown.

“So he shouldn’t get into trouble if she doesn’t feel that way,” one girl said. “She probably feels bad that it was her fault, so she took him back.”

Her friend nodded. “I don’t think he’ll hit her like that again,” she said.

On blogs and social networking sites, teenagers are having an e-shouting match about this highly publicized episode " perhaps the first time their generation has been compelled to think aloud about dating violence.

And what may be surprising is the level of support for Mr. Brown. While thousands of teenagers have certainly turned on Mr. Brown, many others " regardless of race or gender " defend him, often at Rihanna’s expense.

In a recent survey of 200 teenagers by the Boston Public Health Commission, 46 percent said Rihanna was responsible for what happened; 52 percent said both bore responsibility, despite knowing that Rihanna’s injuries required hospital treatment. On a Facebook discussion, one girl wrote, “she probly ran into a door and was too embarrassed so blamed it on chris.”

This reaction has alarmed parents and professionals who work with teenagers, and Oprah Winfrey was prompted to address violence in teenage relationships on her show. Boys who condone Mr. Brown’s behavior disappoint, but don’t shock Marcyliena Morgan, executive director of Harvard’s hip-hop archive. “But it’s the girls!” she said. “Where have we gone wrong here?”

Underneath harsh, judgmental bravado, teenage girls themselves seem perplexed by the unfolding story, whipsawed by allegiance to their celebrities, fantasies about romantic relationships, and the terrifying mysteries of intimate violence " the savagery of the beating as well as the speed with which Rihanna apparently agreed to see him again.

Mimi Valdés Ryan, former editor in chief of Vibe magazine and the one who put Chris Brown on the cover in 2006, said the defense of him by so many young girls can be understood in part because they are adoring fans.

Even before this incident, Mr. Brown’s core fans didn’t like Rihanna, said Ms. Valdés Ryan, now editor in chief of Latina, a magazine for young women. “His posters are on the bedroom wall, the last face they see before they sleep,” she said. “They’re feeling, ‘Why is he with her, not with me?’

As word of the incident spread, girls could not believe he could wreak such violence, she said. After all, sweet Chris Breezy " his nickname " even appeared in a music video with Elmo of “Sesame Street.” Acknowledging his attack would make them feel vulnerable: How could they have a crush on someone who could do that? It was less terrifying to blame Rihanna....

Of the 200 Boston youths (ages 12 to 19) surveyed last month, 51 percent said Chris Brown was responsible for the incident, 46 percent said Rihanna was responsible and 52 percent said both were to blame; 52 percent said the media was treating Brown unfairly; 44 percent said fighting was a normal part of a relationship; and a “significant” number said “Rihanna was destroying Chris Brown’s career.” Women blamed Rihanna as much as men did. (emphasis added)

It is not just teens BTW, increasingly often adult women are refusing to deal with sexual trespass and violence in their relationships because they believe that all efforts to address the problem will result in unreasonable punishment of their mates. The teen response to the beating that Rihanna took does however bring up the question of just how badly has overreaching by the anti abuse lobby damaged long term attempts to work on the problem of intimate violence. Young people don't seem to take as serious the claim that violence in relationship equals abuse. Those who were successful in strengthening the laws and policing of relationship violence may have won the battle but lost the war, as winning would require passing down to the next generation the opinion about violence that the leaders of the generation currently in power have agreed to.

JTT, I realize how it came across, yet it was in direct response to hawkeye
who thinks there should be no punishment at all: women should get out of
the relationship if they don't like it, is his take. He's expressed similar thoughts
when it came to marital rape, as Setanta already mentioned.

This only shows that many teenagers don't understand the difference between responsibility and contibuting circumstances. It's not surprising seeing as many adults don't understand the difference either

I any case I have no opinion in what to do about domestic violence, nor have I voiced an opinion.

It is not just teens BTW, increasingly often adult women are refusing to deal with sexual trespass and violence in their relationships because they believe that all efforts to address the problem will result in unreasonable punishment of their mates. The teen response to the beating that Rihanna took does however bring up the question of just how badly has overreaching by the anti abuse lobby damaged long term attempts to work on the problem of intimate violence. Young people don't seem to take as serious the claim that violence in relationship equals abuse. Those who were successful in strengthening the laws and policing of relationship violence may have won the battle but lost the war, as winning would require passing down to the next generation the opinion about violence that the leaders of the generation currently in power have agreed to. (emphasis added)

This subject has nothing to do with me, saying as set does that the question is irrelevant because someone whom he does not like and who does not agree with him on the current state of sex law is the act of burying ones head in the sand.