How can my husband and I get to know each other after kids leave the nest?

Forums: Marriage, Rekindling Romance
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My husband has recently said that he doesn't feel anything for me or our marriage as our oldest of 2 gets ready to graduate from college. We are both busy professionals; he's an account manager for a large, prosperous company and I am a school teacher. We have always put our focus on our kids and now that they are one foot out the door, my husband is questioning the foreverness factor. I have too, at times. Did we do the wrong thing by doing so much for the kids, and never really allowing time for us? We never fight and don't dislike each other. It's more like a brother-sister relationship. What can we do to find each other again? Should we go to a marriage counselor?

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Type: Question • Score: 2 • Views: 1,254 • Replies: 4

[+3] - mismi - 11/16/2008Go on dates! Plan things for you and him - find out what he enjoys again...and do it with him! My older friend felt the same way when her son left for college a few years ago. Her husband loves to...

@mamamia84,

mamamia84- Welcome to A2K!

I think that what you are experiencing is a rather common scenario. A couple is so involved in their own careers, and the raising of children, that they find that they have not grown together as a couple.

As far as your husband questioning the "foreverness" factor, talk to him about that. He may be going through a mid-life crisis. Ideally, you would want to nip that in the bud, before he decides to try out his "wings", so to speak.

You married the guy for a reason. At one time there must have been a spark. The embers may be flickering, but they can be renewed again.

What drew you towards your husband in the first place? What made you fall in love with him, and he with you? What did you do together as a team that you stopped doing when the children arrived? Discuss all this with him. Go on a romantic "date" with him. Return to a place that you went to when you were first married, or even dating. Let him know that you love him, and want the marriage to work.

If you are having difficulty doing this yourselves, a marriage counselor might be a good idea. Good luck, and let us know how you are doing!

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@Phoenix32890,

Go on dates! Plan things for you and him - find out what he enjoys again...and do it with him! My older friend felt the same way when her son left for college a few years ago. Her husband loves to fish and to golf. She went and bought herself a fishing pole and him too...she took him somewhere for a weekend and they had a wonderful time. She bought herself golf clubs and learned to play. She now takes him to great places to go golfing....even in the evenings now, they will just go hit a round...they are fine. It may take some effort - but if you remember, so did dating. Good luck!

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@Phoenix32890,

Thank you, Phoenix! It is nice that both responses have shown that what we are experiencing is normal - maybe not fun - but normal none-the-less. I will print this out for him and we will talk when he gets home in a bit. Your heartfelt response is much appreciated on this snowy day in Ohio.

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@mamamia84,

What you are experiencing is the "empty nest" syndrome. And men get it worse than women do! VERY common!

Kids gone; dog dead; you look over at him - and he looks over at you - and both think "Is this all there is?" No wonder there are so many divorces after the kids leave!

It would be fun to try and seduce him again - change your hair color, gain or lose weight, dress differently, change the bedrooms around. Put him on Viagra. The point is: reinvent the marriage.

Good luck!

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How can my husband and I get to know each other after kids leave the nest?

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