"If Only I'd Said That Before....."

Reply Fri 15 Aug, 2008 10:41 pm
I have no idea if this thread will work or not, but....

We have now experienced a few deaths here on A2k that have made us very sad.

A few people have said to me privately that they wish they had said something to the deceased person about how much they appreciated them and such before they died, while others have expressed gladness that they HAD told the person the things they wished to.

Anyhoo...here's your chance to tell anyone here the things that you would wish to have said to them if you never got to interact with them again...you can use it any time, for anything, no matter how big or small.

BUT.....I would ask for people to adhere to some rules.

1. Only positives, please.

2. If someone misuses the thread, can I ask that we NOT respond to them, except to vote the post down if that is something you wish to do? Please? Pretty please?

3. People like Craven hate positive comments, because they don't know how/don't want to respond, but feel churlish if they don't. So.....

Let's see how it works, ok? If it doesn't, c'est la vie.
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Type: Discussion • Score: 20 • Views: 6,836 • Replies: 67

Borat Sister
Reply Fri 15 Aug, 2008 10:44 pm
@Borat Sister,
I'll start with something I was just thinking.

Nimh....I really appreciate your amazing thoroughness, rationality and depth of research in politics. It is really one of the things that mean I always learn something when I read a post of yours there. And, I'd love to hear more about your work.

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Reply Fri 15 Aug, 2008 10:45 pm
@Borat Sister,
dag your gorgeous and intesting
rock your a awesome pal
green i love you name
pentacle queen same thing
gustav your hilarious
kicky i like ya for some reason, i cant explain it
jespah your the sweetest person i know here
cj and david, lol.
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Reply Fri 15 Aug, 2008 10:51 pm
deb, i'm glad you do what you do in real life.
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Borat Sister
Reply Fri 15 Aug, 2008 11:01 pm
I would like to appreciate the amazing work Craven and Nick and Jes and Mods (you know who you are) are doing right now in being omnipresent and omniscient and omni-cordial in finding and assisting all we anxious and bewildered and lost (and sometimes very stroppy!) folk having trouble adapting to the new site.

It must be mayhem!!!

Thank you.
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Reply Fri 15 Aug, 2008 11:17 pm
@Borat Sister,
Deb, you're kind of okay -- for a Kazachi prostitute living on an obscure continent far too far away to visit.

Thanks for starting this thread!
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Reply Fri 15 Aug, 2008 11:29 pm
I am bavk!!!

I am dlowan again.

Reply Fri 15 Aug, 2008 11:37 pm
But... I was just gonna tell Borat Sister that... is she gone? Forever?! If only I'd said that before.... damn.
Reply Fri 15 Aug, 2008 11:45 pm
I shall tell her, should you wish to say anything.
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Reply Sat 16 Aug, 2008 04:05 am
Seed, I'm so proud of you and could never do what you're doing. I wonder and fret about your safety.

Joe Nation I wish I could write like you because you really paint with words. I wish I could comfort you now.

msOlga, Izzie, tai Chi, cyphercat, boomerang, so many more, you're always, unfailingly, cheerful and kind and helpful.

Thomas, nimh, fishin, realjohnboy, damn, too many to mention, you're all mensches and give so much of yourselves in subtle and not so subtle ways. You're like pillars, like Atlas, holding up the world.

Thank you to everyone who's been hysterically funny. I need that and always look forward to it. Slappy, kicky, gus, Chai, Og, Rockhead, lots more like you and I'm also forgetting a bunch, I can tell.

Boston folks, you're like family. Every time we meet, it's as if we just started up the conversation again after taking a sip of tea (or, more likely, beer). Many hugs to you, and many more, always.

Moderators/Admins, present and past, you know who you are. You are easily the best people I have ever worked with. You have followed Craven (and me) into all sorts of uncharted territories, and done so with good humor, intelligence and even a little bravery. You've made tough calls when they needed to be made and defused things with jokes and silliness when that needed to happen. I have been able to tell you things that I haven't shared on the boards or much of anywhere else. You've helped me through some scary things. You've rallied, and I wish you didn't have to, after two hard to take deaths in a very short amount of time. It's hard to assemble a good team, and even harder to put together a great one remotely, and we are so in tune it's as if we were in the same room (what are you doing in my extra room? Please don't touch the iron ...). All I want is to meet all of you; I regret I never got the chance to meet timber. But you are all a priority for me to meet.

RP, you know how I feel about you; I tell you every day and I hope I tell you enough.
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Reply Sat 16 Aug, 2008 10:54 am
Love the idea of this thread, Dlowan.

Farmerman, Roger, Dys, Diane, MsOlga, Eva, Mapleleaf, Greenwitch, (I'm sure there are others): I wish you were a part of my family and or that you all lived much closer to me so that I could spend time in person with you.

Dasha, I'm going to miss you a lot.

Craven, I am amazed and grateful to your dedication to this little world of ours.
Reply Sat 16 Aug, 2008 10:58 am
Heehee...I can comment because you didn't really comment on me, just the thread.

The "family" feel is fascinating isn't it?

It's hard not having a real life person who knows about/has any time for the reality of online relationships.
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Reply Sat 16 Aug, 2008 11:09 am
The family feel is amazing. As is the death effect.

fishin you are usually on the other side of the argument, but I like your factual, unemotional approach to a debate. I always get a better understanding of counter-opinons in discussions with you.
Reply Sat 16 Aug, 2008 01:55 pm
What a great idea! Too bad I'm not so good with words. I shall work up my appreciations and present them later, possibly.
I DO think my friends on the trivia and word games threads that I haunt are incredibly intelligent, witty, and kind. Words fail me in telling you how special a great number of you are to me. Others, I don't know but definitely admire from afar.
Reply Sat 16 Aug, 2008 02:40 pm
I think the bunny is one of the good things about A2K.
A combination of insightful and/or erudite comment, and silliness.

There's some wonderful, intelligent caring people. The sense of community and family is amazing. Olga and I talked about it once.

And it's good to see Craven about, bemoaning the loss of his "dynamic signature" Razz (which I love - especially "Bunnymustdie.com")
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Reply Sat 16 Aug, 2008 07:23 pm
You word game folk are a real community here, aren't you?

Very Happy
Reply Sat 16 Aug, 2008 07:32 pm
@Borat Sister,
Oh man, how to begin ... perhaps in chronological order.

Diva, I'm sorry you never made it over from Abuzz to A2K. But it's great to have you as a real-life friend, and being just an hour away from you is one of my big perks for having moved to New Jersey.

Frank Apisa, it's a pity we can't discuss the demerits of agnosticism vs. the merits of my One True Atheism as we've done since Abuzz times. And I'm fully aware I'm a lousy correspondent for almost never saying hello now that you're practically my neighbor. I hope to see you tomorrow in the Pan though.

Sozobe, you've been my best e-friend for seven years now. What can I say? Thanks for that time, and thanks for inviting me to A2K (which I initially, and wrongly, was somewhat hesitant to join).

Craven, thanks for taking the initiative and continuously building more e-worlds for us to inhabit when Abuzz fell apart. And, speaking of falling apart, I'm sorry I over-reacted to forgiveable screw-ups you committed during your falling out with Diva. I was wrong to carry a grudge about it for so long (I was going by the name of "guthobla" back then). You can un-ban me from The Raven's Realm now.

Jespah, thank you so much for co-founding A2K, and for doing so much to make Craven's latest two worlds, A2K and A3K, worth inhabiting. (The thanks extend to your moderators, some of whom I know, some of whom I don't.)

Nimh -- you're an insufferable correspondent who always disagrees with me, always pokes holes in my beloved political beliefs and the arguments supporting them, and always forces me to think in order to fix those holes. I have learned a lot from all the debates I've lost against you, and appreciate it very, very much.

Georgeob1, joefromchicago, blatham and Lola -- same thing I said about nimh

dlowan: Your common sense, your sense of humor, and your quick wit are a breeze of fresh air. Until a week ago, I would have added the manner in which you deftly weave Yiddish expressions into your writing, but Roberta informed me you stole that from her. Shame on you! Nevertheless, I'm looking forward to them every time I check into A2K.

ehBeth: I admire how calm and d0wn-to-Earth you remain in situations were everyone else is agitated. Your warm heart too. I'm very much looking forward to meeting you in autumn.

Setanta: Every once in a quarter, you make me want to reach through the monitor grab your throat, and throttle you. But I wouldn't miss arguing with you for the life of me. I hope you'll eventually show up here.

Dys and Dianne: Your real life friendship means a lot to me. I wish New Mexico wasn't so far away. But I'll make sure I'll be back and visit Chaco Canyon while we can still roam there freely.

Littlek and Dagmaraka: You have no idea how much you remind me of my two beloved younger sisters, A and D, and how frequently you trigger the knee-jerk reflexes I have developed as an older brother. Most of these reflexes are affectionate, some protective, some patronizing and annoying. I hope I catch myself before I hit the keyboard and act on the annoying ones, but please don't hesitate to push back if I don't. My sisters do that, too, and I can take it.

Roberta: I have been reading and enjoying your dry humor and your kvetches for a long time without responding to them (I don't think). I'm glad this is changing, and I'm glad we're part of each other's real life now.

Borat's sister. Sorry you're gone. It's been good knowing you, and thanks for startint this thread!
Reply Sat 16 Aug, 2008 09:42 pm
You word game folk are a real community here, aren't you?

Yeah, I guess we are! Come on over & have some fun with us - we have cookies!
Reply Sun 17 Aug, 2008 07:15 am
dlowan's back! Hooray!

I have to start with her because I think may have had something to do with this thread -- I got all mushy on her via email (I never regret mush though).

I can't remember exactly what I said but it was something about my admiration for her rare combination of intelligence, compassion and humor. She's a mensch. -Ess.

FreeDuck: Fab fab fab. Smart, and a brand of smartness I really appreciate -- logical, measured, but also inquisitive and creative. Not staid. Plus funny! Plus a great mom. I really hope to meet her and her family sometime next summer.

Boomerang: If I'm talking about great moms I have to talk about her. So open, so generous, so intent on doing what is best for Mo. Plus one of the funniest people I know. And artistically wow! Talented, seriously talented.

_Heatwave_: There's something so genuine about her, just a good person. And another great mom.

Cyphercat: Talent up the wazoo, funny funny, and a high emotional intelligence score -- seems like I fairly often see her enter gnarly situations and post just what needed to be posted without pissing anyone off.

osso: Sigh, osso. Up there with Noddy in terms of a pal, so not really a mother-grandmother-whatever role, but someone who I've learned a lot from and who has provided a lot of support. Got quite a brain on her. Again with the talent. (OK, so intelligence, humor, talent and kindness are evidently the way to my heart...)

Roberta: Definitely more of that familial thing with Roberta, mostly 'cause she reminds me so much of my grandma, though she (Boida) is much younger. Pithy. Wordsmith. No flab on her prose. Again with the funny. And a generous heart on top of it all. (I almost said "sweet" but I knew that would get me in trouble).

nimh: God, I tried to get focused by remembering why dlowan started this -- what you wish you would have said before someone died, not just general praise -- and thought of him dying and got all verklempt. Where to start? We have some sort of politics partnership going on (though we've both independently stepped back a bit lately), two active politics people who keep getting compared to each other (I don't know if O'Bill has referred to one of us without mentioning the other in the last five years. Wink ) I've learned so so much from him. I'm way more wonkish now than when I started out, and that's due in no small part to him.

O'Bill: Lookit that smile! That's O'Bill. Warm, generous, rakish, passionate. Not always right Smile but you can't stay mad at him. I've been enjoying this Obama-supporting phase, more fun to agree with him than not (well, sometimes it's fun to disagree -- I haven't settled disagreements with a Scrabble game often). (Hey Bill, did you see that Obama is also a major Scrabble player? He and his sister Maya are evidently cut-throat competitors, will play games late into the night.)

dadpad: Penny-host extraordinaire. Great dad. Mumpad-lovin' husband. Straightfoward, generous, kind. All-around good guy who I'm glad to know.[/b]

DrewDad: Type "great dad," think DrewDad. Love his involvement in his kids' lives, his knowledge, and his warmth of spirit. His "Yaya stories" thread is wonderful, not least because his kiddos remind me so much of sozlet, just littler and cuter. They're lucky to have you, Drew.

JoeNation: Man, what a writer. There are a few people here that occasionally just make me go "WOW" and feel privileged to have access to their brains and their writing, here, real-time, for free -- WOW. Of course it's not just the writing per se, the structure or whatever, but the person revealed through the writing. And that person is pretty damn amazing.

Littlek: I'm so proud of all that she's accomplished so far, and so looking forward to all of that coming to fruition -- a good, steady job. Security. Littlek's such a centered person, and such a good friend. Straightforward, honest, never cruel. Love reading about the many kids she's helped and the creative ways in which she does so.

dagmaraka: Ah, the fiery Slovak. She's gonna be fine. Unfiltered, spontaneous, wicked smaht. When I do the focusing trick ("she's died, what do I wish I would have said?") it seems false. She's immortal, isn't she? But IF (knock on wood), I'd hope she knew that I appreciate her warmth, humor, and fabulous ability to bring us along. Her thread about her India travels was a masterpiece.

diane: Sweetness incarnate. But not cloyingly so. Some of the most spot-on, tone-perfect posts in difficult situations I have ever seen come from her. Patience of a saint. Wink Which of course brings me to:

Dys: Would try the patience of even a saint. But the layers to this guy. Keep learning more. Loved the "insegrevious" story. Has a great skill of saying gruff/ mean things that are taken and understood as support -- but only for the people he really likes (AKA. doesn't like). Seems especially powerful to get one of those.

Lash: Sofia, Lash Goth -- many names, and many lives just in the time I've known her. Always a core Lash-ness, but looks like things are finally resolving to a good place. (Not as quickly as I'd like, but I'm impatient when it comes to my friends' happiness.) Have loved seeing her college journey, and being able to read her poems -- WOW, again. Seriously wow.

ehBeth: This one's tough. I'd hope I've said it all but I probably haven't. Incredibly important person in the A2K community. Probably has more individual connections -- meetings, phone calls, email correspondences -- than anyone else. Thoughtful in many different ways. Often able to say exactly what needs to be said. Kind but also steely. Generous to a fault (I worry about whether she's generous enough to HERSELF sometimes -- so many other people take precedence). Someone I'm honored to call a friend.

old europe: I've always liked him, especially for his thoughtful and informative (while also often light and funny) participation in Politics, but he did me a huge favor out of the blue about a year ago -- extremely generous and gracious throughout. So my already-existing admiration was dialled up several notches.

Jespah: Super-organized. A heart of mush (which I appreciate). I love how she'll be all technical and organized and then wham all of a sudden say something super-funny out of left field. Dedicated cat-herder.

Craven: So interesting to watch his interactions with Ogionik. We met him at about the same age -- these have been a pretty eventful 8 years. He's brilliant, of course, but I'm not sure his generosity is as widely known/ appreciated. He's helped me out in major ways, when he didn't have time and he didn't need to, over and over again.

This list isn't in order of preference, just following thoughts hither and yon. And it is not complete!! I'm certain that later on I'll say "Oh my god I can't believe I forgot _______!!!," and ______ will be one of my best friends here, and I'll feel about 1 inch tall. Will start here though.

(Psst dlowan, I'm a little confused -- can I mention people who have mentioned me, like Thomas, just without responding per se?)

(Eh what the heck, I'll get that in now so even if the answer is "no" it's done, ha!)

Thomas: Kind, funny, generous, loving. Smart smart smart. One thing he might not realize is that I appreciate his obvious interest in and appreciation for sozlet -- I'm her mom, of course I think she's interesting, so it's nice to have an audience that urges me on. A good person and a good friend.
Reply Sun 17 Aug, 2008 08:02 am
(Psst dlowan, I'm a little confused -- can I mention people who have mentioned me, like Thomas, just without responding per se?)

yes. Wink
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