somebody please help... I think I am going to be divorced

How long have you been married?

about a year and a half

About how old are you and your husband? Do ya'll both work, have children?

we're both in our very early thirties, 2 children both mine from a previous marriage

My husband works in the military, in a very high stress job. I have just now started working part time.

Can ya'll get away for a weekend alone and talk?

He says that I expect too much from him and that nothing he ever does satisfies me. He may be right I dont know... He also has absolutely no desire to talk to me, he says that everytime we talk I make it an argument and so he never wants to talk to me again. The reason why I get so angry and upset with him is because he doesnt talk to me, or take me out anywhere, or pay me any attention or appreciation. I feel taken for granted.

tinan333, just got to the computer. Sorry you have been having such a hard time.

max, more of the backstory is here, (starting with this post):

http://www.able2know.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=352438#352438

I think at this point it is a matter of finding resources. Does the military offer any kind of counselling? Are you on a base?

Not in his job. Plus were new to the area and we dont know anyone here who could look after the kids. He doesnt have any free time at all. Also, he does not WANT to talk. By the time he gets home all he wants to do is either get online or sleep. We have financial difficulties as well which makes everything harder. If I asked him to go away with me for the weekend to talk he would not agree, I think things have reached the stage where talking isnt going to help, if anything, it seems to be the reason for this situation.

You said "he may be right". Try just letting things cool down. Try to not make a drama out of everything.
You said he has a high stress job, maybe he is just too pooped to go out.

They do offer some counselling, but I cant make it in time. they are only open for walk ins between 1 and 3 pm, thats the time I leave work and go pick up the children from school.

Didn't know the back story sozobe,thanks.

tinan333, I think things are at the point where you need to take extraordinary measures. Find a babysitter. Let the kids take the bus home. Work something out with your employer.

Even if the result of counseling is that you agree to split up, it can help with the transition. Obviously there is a tremendous amount of bad feeling right now.

I cant afford to go to a regular counselor either. Hi sozobe, thank you for replying to me.

There is a tremendous amount of bad feeling, youre right. Last night he told me that I probably asked for all the physical abuse I went through in my previous marriage.
He also said that he didnt want to be married anymore... and that this constant arguing has made him fed up, and that there was nothing more he was going to do for me anymore since I had no appreciation for the things he's done for me in the past.

yes he is too pooped to go out, but you know what? ever since we've been married he's been constantly too tired. He was never that way in his previous marriage. He was so attentive and considerate... inspite of being in the same job.

I know comparing is bad, but I havent got a choice, I knew them both, I knew all the details of their relationship, I know too much to be able to keep things unbiased.
He still has letters and poetry he wrote to her, things that would make you cry from the sheer beauty of it...

tinan, first let me say how sorry I am to read of your troubles. I haven't read all of the other posts but one thing is for certain, it takes two to make a marriage work. Of course, we don't know all of the circumstances of your marriage but can only assume that you two started out as a couple in love with plans to be together forever. So, what has happened in just a year and a half to bring you to this point? Things don't break down overnight.
It sounds like there are other issues, you coming out of an abusive relationship, his holding onto momentoes from a past relationship, that are in play here as well. You say you knew his ex and intimate details from their relationship so, just out of curiosity, how did you and he get together? What's the background of your relationship with him?
His utter selfishness with the internet porno (from the other forum you were in) and refusal to stop seems hopeless. There's nothing you can do about it short of getting rid of the computer. But that won't fix his disrespect and resentment of you. Only he can fix that and only if he wants to. It doesn't sound like he wants to.
Bottom line is, are you better off with him or without him? Can you take care of your children on your own? Do you have family or friends who can help? It doesn't sound like a healthy situation for you and your children to be in. Maybe you should think about leaving for awhile, at least. Let the air clear for the both of you.

We were best friends.... we helped each other through some serious crises and tragedies, and when his marriage was breaking up I was there to talk to them both and try to resolve issues. He changed the dynamics of our relationship... I didnt want anything more than friendship to start with, but he changed it. After that he got divorced and then I think we took it for granted that we would marry, just beacuse we were so close. We never had a wedding, I dont even have a wedding ring, nothing. it was a horrible ceremony that I would love to just forget.
I dont know if I am better off either way.... I cant take care of my children on my owm, I have no friends or family here (nowhere even remotely near here), and most of all I hate the thought of depriving my children of a father...