Re: OK, all wise ones
BumbleBeeBoogie wrote:OK all wise ones. Answer this question.
Statistics demonstrate that children, both boys and girls, but especially boys,
that are sexually abused in their childhood often repeat the behavior
of their abusers in their adulthood, often against their own children.
Why does this repeat of child sexual violence occur?
BBB
I am not sure whether the answer that I have to offer
is responsive or not, because my efforts to get a definition
of "child abuse" as used within the discussion of these threads, have been futile.
Do we define all sexual activity of children as being abusive ?
Including children among themselves ?
I believe that some people do.
I don 't see it that way.
To my mind, "child abuse" means rape, sodomy,
or something very close to it,
NOT the technical legal definitions
whereby a child who actively and eagerly desires to participate
is deemed not to consent, because it is
impossible for her or him to consent.
I have posted this before; forgive my redundance.
Among the happy experiences of my life
are 2 occasions, when I was 11 years old.
I consider these to have been "getting lucky" not abusive.
I am glad that thay r part of my life experience.
Something over half a century ago,
when I was 11, I was on a bus from Los Angeles to Phoenix, where I lived,
a trip of several hours, begun in the evening.
A girl who identified herself as being 17 sat next to me.
She successfully made overtures of amour,
and we disembarked at a rest stop, and used a nearby motel;
a classic one nite stand.
That same year, another girl in her early 20s was similarly motivated,
to my delight and delust. I value these memories.
However, I was a child myself, the last time that I entertained
any such notions or desires
; contrary to the mental experience of Agrote,
I have no thoughts nor desires toward children nor teenagers.
On a non-sexual basis, on a platonic basis, I am not a snob
and I consider myself to be approachable by by anyone
and I have shown equal respect to everyone regardless of gender or age.
I prefer to respond to everyone as an individual.
U asked about violence.
These incidents were eminently peaceful.
We got there first, long before the frase "make love not war" became popular.
Again, if this is not responsive
to your question, BBB, I express my regrets.
U asked:
" Why does this repeat of child sexual violence occur? "
It seems to me that this is not limited to matters of sex, nor violence.
I am put in mind of the radio personality, Don Imus,
who described his childhood, during which his father was a nasty drunk,
preferring Scotch, who knocked Imus around for however many years.
Accordingly, Imus said that he despised and detested his father
(and probably did not like getting knocked around much either).
He said that he vowed that he 'd never drink
and that he 'd
ESPECIALLY not drink Scotch.
After growing into adulthood, he became an alcoholic whose drink of choice was Scotch.
My point is that there appears to be something in the subconscious mind
that drives children to emulate parental behavior. In the early 1990s,
a family in upstate NY befriended me, whose father I observed to be
very, very rude to his 3 boys. He embarassed them in public.
I remember advising the oldest boy (who confided to me that he despised his father)
to be very actively careful, when he 'd become a father to avoid
replicating the offensive behavior; that he needs to remember how it feels.
As I think of this, I remember a similar incident, years before
on my graduation day from the 9th grade in school.
I liked my next door neighbors, some Italians.
Their oldest son Joe was about my age, and he befriended me.
I liked their mother; young -- she looked Irish slim, with reddish hair
and her daughter was an identical duplicate of her; nice.
The mother, Angie, invited me (insistently) to join her and Joe
in a restaurant for celebration of the graduation.
With some doubts, I accepted.
In my presence,
Angie demanded something of her son that tended to humiliate him,
insulted his intelligence, and put him in an awkward position,
in front of his friend (ME). Not wishing to be embarassed, he resisted.
Angie then asked my opinion, apparently expecting my support.
I argued successfully in his defense (at some length)
that he shud not be humiliated in public, in front of me.
Angie understood my reasoning and agreed, to Joe 's relief.
Upon reflection, Angie then related to us
as how
her mother had done the same thing to HER in childhood,
and she felt the pain of embarassment which she had on that day
endeavored to perpetrate upon Joe.
The moral of the story is:
parents shud
be careful of what thay imprint upon
their children 's subconscious minds and that is
NOT
limited to sex nor to violence.
David
