Long distance part 2

Oh -- hey, marty, we cross-posted.

He said he'd talk to you "later". Was he more specific than that?

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Yes, the other night he specifically said that he'd call me tomorrow. That didn't happen.

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I see two clear options:

1) You decide the guys a tosser, don't accept his inevitable apologies, and realize that this is one roller-coaster you don't want to ride. or,

2) Call the man and ask him what's up? (which might bring you back to 1)

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End your agonizing, martygirl, and ask him outright. I thought I read in your post that you guys spent a lot of time talking into the wee hours, and that other than that one night when he went off without you and his two days at work, you thought you were on the same page.

I am surprised, though, that there wasn't more physical activity going on given how well you were getting on. I mean, is he a man or a mouse? I would have expected more snuggling. Maybe I'm just fast?

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Mame wrote:

End your agonizing, martygirl, and ask him outright. I thought I read in your post that you guys spent a lot of time talking into the wee hours, and that other than that one night when he went off without you and his two days at work, you thought you were on the same page.

I am surprised, though, that there wasn't more physical activity going on given how well you were getting on. I mean, is he a man or a mouse? I would have expected more snuggling. Maybe I'm just fast?

I just reread mb's description of her visit and I agree with you. More snuggling at the very least, hand holding, etc.

Having reread it, here's my take: he likes the drama of being so busy and having a woman interested in him, and juuggling a jillion different things. mb, I am feeling for you-- it sounds as if even if you get this squared away with him for now he'd be a real handful in the future.

I think he doesn't know what he wants.

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martybarker wrote:

dagmaraka wrote:
marty, does he know you traveled for HIM? Or does he think you just went home and seeing him was just a nice addition to your already planned trip? If he thinks the trip had little to do with him, then maybe he felt he should keep it on a friendship level. Also, does he do all the flirting, or do you help out?

I'm pretty sure he knew I made the trip to see him. And I flirt with him too.

Marty, this is still kind of ambiguous. Was this a trip the two of you planned together for the explicit purpose of spending the weekend together, or was it more gray in intent.

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Mame wrote:

End your agonizing, martygirl, and ask him outright. I thought I read in your post that you guys spent a lot of time talking into the wee hours, and that other than that one night when he went off without you and his two days at work, you thought you were on the same page.

I am surprised, though, that there wasn't more physical activity going on given how well you were getting on. I mean, is he a man or a mouse? I would have expected more snuggling. Maybe I'm just fast?

hussy

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martybarker wrote:

Yeah, this is pretty disappoining. I really don't like these mixed signals.

And Francis, what makes it so obvious to you that he is not interested? Why would he flirt with me if he's not interested?

Some kind of feeling for the former part.

Kind of animal behavior, like skin to skin proximity, for the latter.

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hmmm. i think it's up for a decision on your part, marty. you can't control his thoughts and feelings, but you can control what you will do.
i'd say either talk to him directly to clear the space (you have every right to do so!), or decide to let it go. if you just wait and speculate you will torment yourself unnecessarily.

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I was thinking along the same lines as Mame, I guess I was hoping for some snuggle time.

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disclaimer: advice is the easiest thing to give... knowing myself, i'd be doing exactly what you are :wink:

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martybarker wrote:

I was thinking along the same lines as Mame, I guess I was hoping for some snuggle time.

Could be that you weren't sending out strong enough vibes or that he wasn't picking up on them or that he froze. Could be he cares for you so much that he scared himself. Could be a lot of positive things.

Where do you go from here, though, is the question. I repeat, I think you should stop agonizing over it and come right out and ask him. You may never know otherwise, and that'd be so unsatisfying. You'd be plaguing yourself with doubts about it till you die and that could seriously hamper any future relationships.

"Hello Bub. I'd like to speak with you. When would be a good time to call?"

followed by the call:

"I really enjoyed myself with you in NN town last weekend. I thought we were really connecting and hitting it off, but from your silence, I feel that you may not feel the same way. Is that correct?"

Something along those lines. In your words, of course. What do you think?

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I do agree that things need to be clarified. I'm a bit of a chicken though. I guess I can do it if he doesn't bring it up in the next conversation, if there is one.

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Sorry to report; my initial reaction was pretty much the same as Francis's. It sounds like you made yourself plenty available, and he didn't bite. Only you know if you made it clear you were ready to move to the next level... and it would be pretty weird for a dude to just walk past an open door if he's interested.

I suppose, he could just be dense. One thing is certain; Slappy hit the nail on the head. The guy is a bit of a wuss for not making it clear he is interested, or for continuing to lead you on if he's not.

The answer: Ask him. At worst he'll be flattered or embarrassed depending on how clear you've been. Maybe he'll say "well yes I am, I'm just too big of a wuss to let you know because I wasn't sure how you feel". Maybe he apologizes for not knowing how to explain he's not.

Either way you'll feel better two days from now than you do today. I gave you an extra day to feel bad, just in case. It probably wouldn't hurt to remind yourself that if he's not interested; it may very well have nothing to do with you. Try not to waste too much time trying to eat the fish you don't catch.

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OK, I feel really stupid now. I sent him a text last night to try to initiate a conversation and he didn't respond.

I just think that him saying that he'd call and then not do it is pretty rude. I mean if he's not into me fine but man up and say something rather than act like a teenager.

Don't you think its wierd to go from talking almost every night to nothing?

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maybe he's a wuss that doesn't know how to weasel out. let it go, i guess. wait for him to respond....or not, either way, next step should be his. if he does nothing, well then....nothing it is.

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Gee --- my daughter's boyfriend broke up with her this way too. They were 13 at the time.

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Wow. Barring something bad happenning to him and he's unable to contact you, he is not worth your time and energy.

I still think if he does contact you that you Not return any of his messages for a while.

I also still think he's a drama King.

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martybarker wrote:

OK, I feel really stupid now. I sent him a text last night to try to initiate a conversation and he didn't respond.

I just think that him saying that he'd call and then not do it is pretty rude. I mean if he's not into me fine but man up and say something rather than act like a teenager.

Don't you think its wierd to go from talking almost every night to nothing?

Right on all counts.

Yes, it is weird. You're not stupid. And yes, it is rude and immature.

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Holy ****.

The ball is in his court now.
Leave it there.

( big hug)

how.. RUDE..
I thought grown men didnt do this ****? Confused

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Long distance part 2

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