Long distance part 2

JPB wrote:

What were you expecting?

if that were me-- i'd hope he would pay some quality attention to me. i'd be confused too.

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martybarker wrote:

Maybe I am over analizing this. I guess I just had a different idea of how the weekend would have went since I traveled so far to see him.

And as far as the long distance relationship goes, I just think that sometimes if the connection is strong enough then its worth the effort.

dunno, i mean, i think it's normal to run it through your mind, replay how it could be and then be disappointed with the reality-- especially with the distance, which doesn't allow you a lot of flexibilty. face it, even if you saw him every day and things were going well you'd stil have ups and downs.

i also think in texting and emailing it accelerates a sense of intimacy and familiarity which gets ahead of what may or may not be going on.

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Gala wrote:

JPB wrote:
What were you expecting?

if that were me-- i'd hope he would pay some quality attention to me. i'd be confused too.

maybe that came across with a judgemental tone, but it was a completely open question. I'm curious how she thought the weekend would play out.

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Gala wrote:

i also think in texting and emailing it accelerates a sense of intimacy and familiarity which gets ahead of what may or may not be going on.

I definitely agree with this.

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marty, does he know you traveled for HIM? Or does he think you just went home and seeing him was just a nice addition to your already planned trip? If he thinks the trip had little to do with him, then maybe he felt he should keep it on a friendship level. Also, does he do all the flirting, or do you help out?

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Heya Marty - have you heard from him since your text?

His behaviour could be a result of what he picked up from you, mistakenly or not.

How do you think you came across to him? Were you flirting with him? Expressing your interest?

Perhaps you could just call him and ask him or at least tell him what you thought of the weekend?

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JPB wrote:

maybe that came across with a judgemental tone, but it was a completely open question. I'm curious how she thought the weekend would play out.

I didn't think it was a judgemental question, at all. It's a straightforward, and as you said, open question.

I dunno, I answered it because if there was as much build up that MB has been talking about, I'd have hoped for there equal amounts of attention given and taken on both sides, with MB returning happy, not confused.

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JPB wrote:

What were you expecting?

I was expecting to have more one on one time to really talk and get to know each others feelings better. I can say that I felt an instant attraction and after talking with him in April and on the phone for the past month that I've grown to appreciate his personality and views better.

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Quote:

Heya Marty - have you heard from him since your text?

The last text I recieved from him was regarding talking later about why I should have stayed in town.

Now I'm hanging....

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Bummer. I feel for you - I'm involved in a long-distance relationship, too - although we're not really sure how involved you are, aren't we?

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dagmaraka wrote:

marty, does he know you traveled for HIM? Or does he think you just went home and seeing him was just a nice addition to your already planned trip? If he thinks the trip had little to do with him, then maybe he felt he should keep it on a friendship level. Also, does he do all the flirting, or do you help out?

I'm pretty sure he knew I made the trip to see him. And I flirt with him too.

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martybarker wrote:

Quote:
Heya Marty - have you heard from him since your text?

The last text I recieved from him was regarding talking later about why I should have stayed in town.

Now I'm hanging....

He didn't call after saying he would. Why do guys do that?! Shithead.

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martybarker wrote:

He didn't call after saying he would. Why do guys do that?! Shithead.

martybaker, I think you ought to lay low from him for a while-- when he does call, let it go to your messages and don't return his call for a few days, if not more. No email either.

At this point, I don't trust him. Especially considering the beginning of a relationship needs to be full of happy potential.

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I'd call him - not in anger - just call him, tell him you don't want to be left dangling and you'd appreciate hearing what he's got on his mind. Leave it as a message if you have to, but DON'T USE TEXT. Tone cannot be delivered accurately using text.

Don't ask about his feelings, just his thoughts.

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Look, you girls are just guessing what's going on in a guy's mind.

Amazing that you think you can find by creating convulated scenarii.

Just an opinion: drop him, he is not interested, obviously.

It will spare you a waste of time and headache.

Next..

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JPB wrote:

I'd call him - not in anger - just call him, tell him you don't want to be left dangling and you'd appreciate hearing what he's got on his mind. Leave it as a message if you have to, but DON'T USE TEXT. Tone cannot be delivered accurately using text.

Don't ask about his feelings, just his thoughts.

I think he hasn't been able to express himself very well at this point, mb ought to give him a little bit of his own medicine. I don't think he's capable of being straight forward, as in saying-- I'm scared, or whatever...

Think about it-- she flies all the way to Podunk just to see him and he pretty much ignores her, then he sends different signals about why she didn't stay longer, and now he doesn't call when he says he will. Understandably, mb's already disppointed-- and this is the early stages of the her getting to know him.

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Maybe he isn't the kind of guy who can ever express himself very well. Doesn't necessarily mean he's a tosser. She's said he was very shy when they were younger, communication probably isn't his strongest asset. That doesn't mean he doesn't have other assets that would make up for that.

She's invested time, energy, money, and emotions in this guy already. The trip didn't meet her expectations. She's still trying to figure out why. I wouldn't ignore his calls/contacts -- I'd meet them straight on. Actually, I'd initiate it.

OR, the guy could be a total bozo who doesn't have the balls to tell MB that he isn't interested.

I can think of one good way to find out --- have the conversation.

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JPB, you are so much more reasonable than me (this is a compliment).

Buttt, not once have I ever heard of a relationship being successful when one of the party's tossing and turning over things that take place. The rule usually is-- if you get knotted up inside because the potential beloved does not act like a potential beloved then the whole thing is pretty much down the tioilet right from the start.

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Yeah, this is pretty disappoining. I really don't like these mixed signals.

And Francis, what makes it so obvious to you that he is not interested? Why would he flirt with me if he's not interested?

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Thanks, Gala.

I agree in general, but certain folks tend to be anxious about things and lose sleep over things that end up not being what they were imagining. I don't know if MB is one of those folks but if she's a tosser and turner by nature, it's best to have everything out in the open with direct communication.

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Long distance part 2

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