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Mon 9 Jun, 2008 04:46 pm
I really need some input here, trying to figure out what just happened this past weekend.
I was re-acquainted with an old highschool friend in April. My sister was with me and said that she had never seen a greeting quite like that, that he must have been really happy to see me again. While talking she got the impression that we had made a connection or whatever you call it, instant attraction? Went to see him the next night and we talked alone for hours. The evening ended with an exchange of email addresses.
Since April, he has either texted me or called me every other night, sometimes every night. We made plans to definitely see each other again. Then a week before my scheduled trip back there I had to have my gallbladder removed urgently. He talked to me every night I was at the hospital. Some of his texts were so flirty that at one point I texted back and asked him if he were flirting with me. His response was Absolutely!
I took this as a positive sign and was really looking forward to the visit. He picked me up from the airport and baought me coffee and drove me around to see some of the new sights in town and then to my families home where I was staying. He said he'd call later and that we'd hang out.
Now, he had just recently opened up a cafe/bar so I had to meet him there. He took me to his office and again, we talked for hours. After closing he walked me to my car(and this is about a half hour after spending time completely alone) gave me a huge hug and a big kiss on the cheek.----I found this completely puzzling after all the flirty texts.
He said he'd call tomorrow and we'd hang out. Tomorrow came, I went to his business, we talked but he was extremely busy and I said"If I'm keeping you company, great, if I'm keeping you from doing your work then let me know" He said he really needed to get some work done so I left. No phone call came later after the rush died down and I was a little disappointed.
The next day I knew he wouldn't be available, he said he had to drive about 3 hours away to house sit for his mother and watch his brothers dog because the family was vacationing. I totally understood that I wouldn't hear from him. Later that night, my sister took me out for a drink at a neighboring club and I ran into a guy that my friend had just intoduced me to the night I came in. We chatted briefly and he told me that my guy friend went to a concert that night.
Now why would my friend lie about this? I figured that maybe he had a pre-arranged date and didn't know how to tell me. The next day he called and apologized profusely for not calling because he forgot his phone charger. He then asked if I'd like to go to dinner.
I accepted because I was really hoping we could establish what exactly was going on between us. I met him and he introduced me to a friend of his who was joining us for dinner. I actually enjoyed this guys company as well as my friends and mentally chalked thing up to the fact that my friend was just happy to reunite with an old friend and that's all this really is.
We went back to the bar and the three of us enjoyed more conversation and of course my friend continued to flirt with me. We closed the place down and we were again alone for about a half an hour. He walked me to my car but this time he gave me a big kiss on the lips. Now I'm really puzzeled. This is at 2am and I was to catch a 9am flight. So no time to waste here, I had to get home and pack to leave.
He asked me to call him when I got home. I texted him 4 hours ago and haven't heard anything.
What do you make of all this? Should I ask him what's up if he were to call me again? Should I call him and ask him what happeded if he doesn't call in a few days?
What the heck just happened? I definitely got a vibe that we liked each other and now I can't tell what he was doing?
HELP!
You made a special trip in just to see him, right?
Here's what my crystal ball says...
He was doing precisely what someone would do that was interested in slowly reconnecting with an old friend. Not scaring her away by coming on too strongly, not turning her off by not coming on strongly enough. BUT -- he had this dilemma of a concert that he'd planned on attending for ages and couldn't take the new chick because.... maybe he only had one ticket, maybe he was someone else's guest, maybe any one of 100 other reasons, but the bottom line is he lied to you about his availability that night.
I would set it aside for now (I didn't say forget it) and see how the relationship progresses. At some point, when you think it might become something real you can bring up this one thing that has been bothering you since that weekend back in June...
The rest of it is completely plausible.
OMG--thanks for getting back to me so quickly. I'm so completely confused by the mixed signals.
So he finally just texted me saying that I should have stayed longer. I replied"Whys that?" He replied" for a number of reasons that we would have to talk about later"
How do I find out what his feeling for me are?
Either two things: he's a complete wuss who's too afraid to take the steps to move along the physical connection, or he's involved with someone else.
Sounds to me he's just a wuss. If you want to go see him again, you're going to have to be more aggressive.
Ya wait.
:-)
I know, that's the un-fun part of early romance.
I liked what JPB said, one thing to add -- of your guy friend and HIS friend, someone is lying. But maybe it's guyfriend's friend. Maybe HE has a crush on you and wanted to make your friend look bad. <shrug>
Point is it's hearsay at this point, probably can't read too much into it.
Hm, could he be gay? Why would he bring a friend along to meet you?
Something doesn't add up here.
martybarker wrote:How do I find out what his feeling for me are?
maybe he needs some time to figure that out as well
give it a chance - relax with it
yep, re waiting --- don't be pushy or withdrawn. Assess the weekend on a grander scale than the minute details. Did you enjoy yourself? Do you like him (which has nothing to do with how he feels about you)? Do you want to talk to him ever again? Maybe next week once you catch your breath? Maybe in five minutes?
Quit thinking about what he's thinking and think about what you're thinking. What are YOUR thoughts on the weekend in a big picture kinda framework?
Next point -- don't put much credence in anything r'cd via text message. It's no way to communicate other than saying, "Hi" or "Pick up the phone -- we need to talk!".
I'm just a little bummed that nothing was established while I was actually face to face with him. Now I'm home, thousands of miles away and honestly, I don't want to play games.
martybaker - he's got to consider the distance as well. Does he want a long-distance relationship? he's establishing a business - does he have time for a local or long-distance relationship? does he just have time for a little text flirting?
Establishing something might be a bit of a push at this stage.
Do you like him? does he like you? those would be two important questions to answer right now.
ehBeth wrote:martybaker - he's got to consider the distance as well. Does he want a long-distance relationship? he's establishing a business - does he have time for a local or long-distance relationship? does he just have time for a little text flirting?
Establishing something might be a bit of a push at this stage.
Do you like him? does he like you? those would be two important questions to answer right now.
I like him and he seems to like me, but I'm not sure how he feels! And I'm willing to work with the distance thing for the short term since I have the option of flying standby fairly often.
I completely agree with ehBeth that his feelings may still be developing. How do you feel about him? Was the kiss a good one? Do you think about him mostly in terms of "but does he like me...???" or "it was so nice to talk to him... I can't wait to see him again..."
(He's probably saying to his friends, "I'm just not sure how she feels about me...")
It's early yet, neither of you really have to have feelings except for "I like [him/her] and would like to see [him/ her] again at some point." Then go from there.
MB, you're thinking about things that don't enter the Y-chromosome until much, much later.
I'd be surprised if he 'feels' much of anything after one hectic weekend other than whether or not he'd consider another hectic weekend down the road with as-he-can-swing-the-time contact in between.
JPB wrote:MB, you're thinking about things that don't enter the Y-chromosome until much, much later.
<raises hand>
it's not just the Y-chromosome
6 years of border-crossings to visit Set, and the border guards started to ask me if I had a commitment problem
oh, is it that obvious? remember me? I had an empty fish tank for 2 years before I could commit to a goldfish, slept on an air mattress for close to 3 years before I could commit to a bed frame
Some of us take a LONG time to figure out how we feel about things - if we ever do figure it out.
I think Slappy might be onto something with that wuss idea.
Of course, Marty, you know the guy better than us, so maybe you should think about how he is in general. Is he outspoken or timid? Loud or soft-spoken? Boisterous? Is he a take-charge kind of guy? It sounds like you've spent enough time with him to get a feel for how assertive he is, so what do you think? Could it be that the guy is simply chickenshit?
kickycan wrote:I think Slappy might be onto something with that wuss idea.
Of course, Marty, you know the guy better than us, so maybe you should think about how he is in general. Is he outspoken or timid? Loud or soft-spoken? Boisterous? Is he a take-charge kind of guy? It sounds like you've spent enough time with him to get a feel for how assertive he is, so what do you think? Could it be that the guy is simply chickenshit?
We were both extremely shy in highschool. He even mentioned that he was afraid to talk to me back then. But now,as adults, he seems to be a pretty outgoing guy.
I guess what is puzzling me is that we are both 42. Don't you think we are too old to play this type of game?
I had a very difficult divorce and 4 1/2 years later I'm able to put that behind me and trust again. I can say with sincerity that I am ready to open the possibilities to a new relationship.
Why didn't you just ask him about the evening.
He either went house-sitting for his parents, or he went to the concert.
I cannot think of any reason why he would have to lie about it.
He already told you he wasn't available, why make up a story?
Maybe his friend was mistaken.
However, this would be an important question, and the answer would decide which direction further efforts might be heading.
kickycan wrote:I think Slappy might be onto something with that wuss idea.
Of course, Marty, you know the guy better than us, so maybe you should think about how he is in general. Is he outspoken or timid? Loud or soft-spoken? Boisterous? Is he a take-charge kind of guy? It sounds like you've spent enough time with him to get a feel for how assertive he is, so what do you think? Could it be that the guy is simply chickenshit?
This is funny and on-the-mark. MB, I wouldn't be too preoccupied with what his feelings are for you so much as what your feelings are for him.
If you really, really like him, then give him a lot of room. Allow him to be exactly how he was this weekend. If you can live with this then you'll have yourself a relationship.
Maybe I am over analizing this. I guess I just had a different idea of how the weekend would have went since I traveled so far to see him.
And as far as the long distance relationship goes, I just think that sometimes if the connection is strong enough then its worth the effort.
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