4 years later...

mid-life crises, just means you are ready for a change.

Isn't that exciting?

You can make it happen.

I'm really sorry. I feel like I'm moaning about how horrible my life is but I'm really feeling lost right now. I'm so confused!

How about exuding a few clues to let men know you are NOW ready?

How about smiling more?

How about offering eye contact?

And a pleasant, "Hello" or "thank you."

Do it everywhere.

Supermarket, etc.

I think maybe some preprogrammed body language might need adjusting, is all.

I don't know.

I'm brainstorming.

You would be an awesome catch for any guy.

I think they don't know you are NOW available.

I'm gonna think on all this amazing advice. Thank you, all of you. I'll be back this evening.

Marty--



What is holding you back isn't "the basics of who you are" but the feeling that you have to be someone with more respectability, more "cooth" in order to deserve happiness.

You deserve happiness just as you are.

Mantra for the day: I'm flawed but I'm moving forward--and smiling.

Re: 4 years later...



as opposed to......

the homeless man at the bus depot

a pack of wild dogs

robots from the future

am i missing something here, my guess is your parents are to blame for the way you were raised

as an aside, always remember, what jack says about jill, says way more about jack, than it does jill

Respectability is just the term, I was more hurt by the lack of respect my ex had for me as a human being than I was over the fact that he left me.

Marty--

You did your best with the chauvenist pig, but you couldn't make him into a silk purse.

You're a wicked, evil, inadequate woman--or perhaps you're just well shut of him.

Personally, I wouldn't give the SOB house room.

I dunno, Marty. You seem a fine person to me.

Thanks you guys, I'm really letting this one weigh me down.

Hi Marty,

A few thoughts and questions.

-What did your ex husband love about you? Do those things still exhist? (usually they don't go away)

-are you aware that you simply had an incompatability issue? Incompatability doesn't mean there is anything wrong with either party - it simply means some aspect of one person isn't compatible with some aspect of one other person...meaning there are plenty of people out there with whom you will be compatible.

-In relation to 'who you are' holding you back from having full happiness...I would suggest you read a small book called "Awareness" by De Mello (can't remember his first name) may help...a very interesting/eye openning read in relation to the topic of who you are, love, and happiness (even if I didn't agree with everything in it).

Best wishes for your journey.

Vikorr,

I guess there had to be things that he loved about me but it seems apparant that the things he didn't love about me outweighed them. He is a non-confrontational person, I'm the type that wants to talk and compromise a solution. We seperated after 14 years of marriage and divorced two years later. We started dating when I was 19. After this much time together we have resorted to communicating via email. He stays in the car when dropping the kids home and has never initiated a conversation with me.

I swear I'm not a b!tch. I just can't hide all my emotions and be happy all the time. He actually said this to me once "I just want things to be good and happy all the time" So basically he doesn't want anything to do with me.
I feel discarded.

Hi,

It's natural to feel discarded. For many, if their identity was wrapped up in being a couple, then it can take time to find your own 'individual' identity again.

Everything you describe still sounds like a compatability issue, rather than anyone actually having anything 'wrong' with them.

1. There is nothing wrong with you.

2. Your ex probably hasn't figured out to this day why he left you.

3. It wasn't your fault that your husband left because it was easier than working on the marriage.

4. Nobody is 100% happy. Chasing that illusion is what makes people unhappy.

There ya go. I just read this whole thing and Swimpy's #4 was what I was going to say.



Hello! So you ARE happy! This may not be some huge all-encompassing happiness but it's something. Pushing it aside and looking for something better just reduces your current happiness.

That doesn't mean you can't go ahead and do other things that are likely to improve your happiness even more -- but it sounds like there is a lot to value in your life, now.

Nods to Swimp and Soz...

And Vikorr, you have had a lot of interesting, useful things to say on this forum lately - I'm really appreciating your comments.

martybarker

Did your exhusband not like your parents? It just seems to me that he didn't want to take the blame for your marriage not working out. Was he having an affair at the time. Remember somebody has to be blamed and maybe he just wanted to blame you. Believe me I know how you feel.
Years ago my husband said to me of the females in your family the other two are prettier than you are. That hit me like a ton of bricks and to this day I have never totally gotten over it. He said he was sorry but that just hasn't been enough for me. When he said this to me I had just gotten home from having my hair done at the beauty shop and we were suppose to go out for the evening. I remember I was so hurt that I cried.

My parents are complete opposites from his, so no, he did not like my parents. Even I don't particularly like my parents, although I do love them.

I just feel that this comment meant that he looks down on me as I'm lesser of a person than he is simply because of the way I was brought up.

Lesser in what way? Less loving? Less moral? Less compassionate? Unless his parents were named Mary and The Holy Father, I don't think he has a right to pass judgment. What a petty way for him look at another human being. I think this notion of his says more about his lack of class than yours Marty. Better to have a good heart than a good pedigree.

Thanks,

I really need this. I'm really questioning some things about myself right now. I'm going through a bit of a rough patch