oh jeez shewolf...your post does make me want to post again....
hehehe.. you dont need my permission
I too think sometimes people are looking for someone to be looking at them in disapproval, when there is none.
Speaking only from my experience here..
I have never had a real racist remark thrown at me as an adult until I came to Texas.
In general, I almost always dated white men.
Not that I am racist. And not that I don't LIKE black men, it is just that I ended up dating white men more then anything else. Especially in high school. I never liked 'rap', hip/hop or soul music , so I did not hang out with most of the people who DID like that music . In my schools, this amounted to most of the black population. Which was verrrry small. Since school kids defined themselves by what they listened to, I found myself in mostly white circles and maybe a few spanish circles.. but rarely if ever was I friends with a black person. Again.. not that I am racist.. that is just how high school was for me .
During my teen years through about age 28 ( maybe younger..) I lived in New Mexico.
I dated many men during that time and frankly I can only remember one man who was hispanic.. the rest were white.
In the mall, at a restaurant, in a park...... No matter where we were, no one ever said anything. I never received any glares, and no one would ever point and sneer.
Until I arrived in Texas
It took a few months before I saw something.
Ian and I were in the mall ( this was before Jillian was born ) and we passed a group of young black guys .. maybe early twenties at best.. and one of them turned around and said " It is sad to see people stealing our women. Disgusting."
My mind did not even register his comment until later. And then I realized he was talking about ME. As if i was HIS property. That pissed me off.
But I passed it off as just an arrogant, full of himself, child's remark and forgot about it.
Until a spanish woman muttered under her breath while standing close to us in line about how "forward interracial couples are getting, and how it isnt right"
Then there were white kids with obvious racist symbols on their jackets
then there were single black men
you name it. It happens a lot more then I am comfortable with. And it is a real shock to me.. even to this day almost 10 years later.
I am positive that some of that IS my projection. Im so worried that someone else will say something or do something I do
watch for it. And I find myself peeking over my shoulder more now then I ever did when it comes to matters of race.
Projection? I'm probably the queen of it.. but it only started AFTER it happened.
paranoia I guess..