Love of my life returns, but I'm married already

Note to all....please notice the post before the last couple was dated back in January of 2008.

I wonder what ever happened with her.


For what it's worth, I left my brief first marriage to be with the love of my life that I'd met quite a bit before that first husband.

I left the man I should never have married in the first place, and ran off with Wally.

Tomorrow, Jan 1, 2009 is our 15th wedding anniversay.

I never regretted correcting my mistake.

Reading your story was like if I was writing it my self right about now. I’m going trough pretty much the exact situation, and I feel so sick and confused with all these.
I’ve been married for about a year, my husband is a great guy, he is, but I’m becoming someone I don’t know, I didn’t realize it right away but it hit me, I love the way I am, (it took me 30 years to become someone I adore and admire really) and I don’t wanna change that.
Our sex life is not good, we have been only together like 4 times in 6 months (counting bdays, 1st. anniversary and xmas), we don’t have any other problems, not that I know of, but I feel we just has disconnected from each other. We have drift from each other to the point that if I’m in the bedroom, he’s at the media room, or the other way around. And I ask him if there’s any problem, he doesn’t wanna talk about it, I used to want sex with him but not pushing anymore.
I’m a very caring person, and I love details, and doing nice things for others, but I feel like my husband or the relationship has killed the will to do them, and I really hate it.
With all this situation, that has been going on for about 6 months, THE LOVE OF MY LIFE reappears, we saw each other couple of times surrounded by friends, (I can’t cheat on my husband that’s for sure), but HE was there, telling things that I wanted to hear so long ago, not now of course, but it him, the one and only.
I don’t know what to do, it hurts so much not been able to discuss this issue with my friends or family, and I just don’t know what to do.
I feel I’m dying!!!

listen to me ,your husband sounds great but so does your freind ,soo what i am about to tell you is very inportant ,if you really love this man more than your husband i think you should go for it i mean i wanna grow old with someone i really care about and love, if you truley love this guy and no you will always love him go for it,but if you just want excitment issay stay with your husband i mean if you love this freind of yours and you feel like you deserve him then goooo,you dont really deserve your husband and he doesnt deserve you then WHAT ARE YOU WAITING 4?
--I KNOW YOU WILL DO WHAT IS TRULEY WRITE FOR YOU ,JUST KNOW NO MATTER WHAT FOLLOW YOUR,NOT YOUR MIND!
---<3 ALWAYHS 1 & ONLY ----megancoleman08

Exactly the same thing has just happened to me. I have just met up with the love of my life after 7 years apart. I moved overseas and got married but always kept in touch and she also moved overseas. We both always felt so much for each other, feelings we never had with anyone else, but because of the circumstances the likelyhood of any reconnection was very small.

I had doubts about my marriage and my relationship from day one, but at the same time the relationship was still good, just not to the depth of feeling that I knew possible. Anyway, my wife and I had troubles related to having children and our relationship deteriorated rapidly over an 18 month period. Last Christmas we returned home to see my family and we broke up, she went home and I stayed. I was lucky enough to bump into my old flame, she knew nothing of what was going on between between my wife and I (which is the best way, don't console yourself with an old flame...bad news). Anyway, our feelings were as strong as ever, first time we had seen each other in over 7 years and we are now in the process of planning our lives together and relocating overseas together.

I never thought those feelings would return to me, I thought it was a one off thing, but if you follow your heart you'll do the right thing. I have no issues with my wife, she is a great woman but our circumstances made it very difficult to continue our relationship. Yes, it upsets me but life moves on, as harsh as that sounds. I want her to be happy too, I want neither of us to feel stuck in a relationship.

As for me and my old flame, well, I love her immensely and our future together looks amazing, I am just so grateful for a second chance for both of us. Good luck with your decision, but life is too short to be unhappy, and those type of feelings don't come along very often so follow your dreams and you heart and you'll be happy...x

Im experiencing the same thing. My fiance and I are supposed to be getting married next year, but I dont think I can go through with that. I'm only 20 years old and i was crazy about this other guy before my fiance and I met. We parted ways because I just wasn't sure how he felt about me and it made me afraid to think that I couldn't be with him so I just stopped talking to him. Recently we have communicated and once again im unsure all over again. I now realize though that I shouldn't go through with the wedding next year. My fiance and I have split a couple times before but I always came back so that I din't have to deal with the verbal abuse. Now I feel like i'm in love with someone else and he 's afraid to tell me how he feels because i'm engaged. He says it will only make matters worse, but I really would like for him to tell me because iv'e been waiting for over a year now.

Please stop blaming the guys in your life for what you do, you are responsible for what you do, no body else is.......

Split for good now. Regardless of whatever happens or doesn't with the other guy. Getting out of an engagement -- despite verbal abuse -- is infinitely easier than getting a divorce.

Read this response as a voice from your future! Your situation happened to me ver batim. For the last 20 years my college ex-boyfriend, with whom I was/am very much in love, contacted me sporadically at important points of his life: engagement, marriage, kid, etc. Each time I basically brushed him off because of the hurt I felt at our breakup after a 4 year passionate true love affair; also because I was married with kids. Each time we spoke, neither of us could come clean about our feelings, that we were in convenient relationships, that we were miserable, that we were still in love with eachother. One time after the birth of my first child, and my husband began abusing me, I went to a party with girlfriends and had my tarot cards read, "Pick up the phone, call him now. He will come and get you and the baby." I had told her nothing! I did not heed the advice. My true love was married just one year later. And since then several more events, clues, indications occured that I disregarded in favor of maintaining a disfunctionaly relationship, just as my parents had. Flash forward 17 years, I am divorced, and wishing I had ended my marriage 100 times before because of one important question asked of me: is my relationship the one I wish upon my children? Systems replicate. Your children will follow your lead. AND, more importantly, whether as a result of 1st or 2nd marriages, children must be nurtured in an environment full of real LOVE, not convenient companionship. Today? We're talking again, my x & I - Not necessarily about the future together but about our mistakes of voicelessness and disbelief that true love actually exists, and the importance of it in our lives. Do not hesitate one second. You are worth it, he is worth it, whatever the struggle it takes. It would be 1,000 more difficult after children. If you have feelings that deep for an ex boyfriend, contact him and talk them through. Talk about potential. THat's okay to do without damaging your husband. What will be the ultimate insult to your current husband is if you stay with him and deny the possibility that somewhere out there is a LOVE for him that will be equally transfixing as the one you've experienced. Hope my years of regret helped. Please don't make the same mistake I did. It may be too late for me.

Don't feel bad, I'm in exactly the same situation as yourself! I met a guy many years ago while we were both still in college and became close friends. We were never in an official relationship but it was obvious we had a strong attraction towards each other. We even spent Valentine's Day together once although we didn't do anything about our feelings. I guess he was too immature and afraid to commit back then. He'd give me hints about how he'd reveal his feelings for me if only I made the first move. I was too afraid to say anything back then because I wanted him to be the one to say it first, besides he was too much a ladies man so I was afraid of getting my feelings hurt. Nonetheless, he ended up dating other women right after I went overseas for grad school and that was the time I finally drew a line and caved into another guy I knew in college who was the total opposite, who eventually became my husband.

My husband is a great guy and I love him but it lacks the passion I had with the other guy. I love my husband most days but on days we have arguments, I end up thinking about the other guy...I know its wrong but its hard. We are still close friends and its obvious that he is still attracted to me (to the point that he decided to get engaged on the month I got married out of depression only to have his ex-fiancee cheat on him right after). I know he'd jump at the chance to be with me now if I became single again cause he's ready for commitment at this point but he's still a gentleman for not trying to break up my marriage for it, I applaud him for that.

The reason why I insisted in not getting together with the guy was I knew he wouldn't be 'right' for me even though I loved him. My husband treated me the way I wanted and my marriage offered me the stability that I yearn. There were periods when we didn't talk when I truly thought that I had gotten over him but then he'd always find a way to crawl back into my heart and get in touch with me every so often etc. Also whenever I am upset about something, he asks me questions as though he WANTS my marriage to be the reason why I'm upset.

I guess for me, the issue is that I'd never leave my husband for him because he has issues of his own that I will never be able to tolerate but I still yearn for the chemistry that we still have for each other. I just wish it was like that between my husband and I but he's so busy with his career etc. that we don't act out on it enough. I want to find a way to get rid of my feelings for the other guy to the point where I can have a 100% plutonic friendship with him although its proven to be pretty impossible for me at the moment. I don't want to cut him out of my life cause he still means a lot to me but its bad for my marriage...its so hard to forget about someone that leaves such a deep impression in your life!

It's been just over two years since I first published this post. The responses I received helped me so much while I was going through such a difficult time in my life. Some recent life changes got me thinking about this post, so I figured I would revisit the message board. Long story short - I've been separated from my husband for six months and am in the process of finalizing our divorce. I didn't leave him for someone else, but simply because I've never been truly happy. Lesson learned: I should've followed my heart and left him two years ago when I realized I was in a loveless marriage.

Better late than never, bndfhrses. The best of luck to you for your future!

So glad that you came back to update us! Good luck to you in your new and improved future!

This really helped me a lot to read this post. I am in the same situation, and while we all know what is really the right thing to do - deep down... it's good to hear other people's point of views, espec from those who are emotionally uninvolved. Thanks.

Damn, this apparently is a more common problem then I would have thought!

Cycloptichorn

Hi everyone, i just need an advice. I'm married for 12 years. We have 2 kids. I married my husband thinking he was the right one for me. There's something missing that I can't find with my husband. Recently, I met my childhood crush through networking. I was over the moon when we finally found each other. I've been searching for him for many years and now I found him. He says he love me and he thinks I'm the right ONE for him. What I love about him is his being smart, intelligent, passionate and still a good looking man. I don't know if this is LOVE or maybe LUST. But we want to spend time together and we don't know how. We are miles away. We only communicate through internet. I'm bothered when he is not around, i miss him every single day. I know it's not fair to my husband but I'm just a human being, i make mistakes. I love this man but im worried about the feelings that my husband, my kids and relatives will get if ever we decided to be together. I'm confused now , i can't let go of that man coz i think im falling for him now. By the way, he is married too with 2 kids. What will I do???

Shut off the computer!! You both are married and have each 2 children -
there is too much at stake to jeopardize two families. What you call "love"
is actually "infatuation", and from many miles away, you are infatuated with
your childhood sweetheart, and that's fairly easy to do: you don't see him at 5 am in the morning when he's grumpy. You might not see him leaving his
clothes all over the house thinking his wife is his maid. All you see is his
chocolate side, the one he shows you a couple of hours via internet. How easy is that?
The grass is always greener on the other side, but guess what? They fertilize
with **** too!

I am just stumbling upon this thread...am in such need of advice!! Help...anyone!! Please! I met the love of my life when I was 21. We broke up 10 months into our relationship....had there been cell phones back then, we wouldn't have broken up. Unfortunately, I had a terrible upbringing and was still living at home...I wanted an out...I met my future husband just after my love and I broke up....married my future husband 2 years later. I never stopped wondering about my old love. Never forgot his birthday, never forgot his phone number. Fast forward 20 years, we ran into each other at my son's birthday party. We live just miles away from each other. We reconnected on FB and when we figured out what happened way back when, those feelings came rushing back - to the both of us. We are both married, both have young kids. My husband makes a ton of money, I live in a HUGE house and I do not have to work....my ex love is working part time and is next in line for the first available full position....I have been telling my husband for years and years what are issues are but he dismisses me...we are in counseling...he is still doing the same thing. I want to leave but I can't. He has me by the balls. My parents made me go to college for something that I hated and I had anxiety attacks over it....Corporate America. ...so now I am not capable of keeping my kids in the school district that they are in much less the house....how the hell do I put myself first? I can't??!!!!!!! so depressed...please someone..help

Sorry...I meant to post that it was 20 years ago..not 12...

if there are no children involved, i would say leave the husband. yes, it is a horrible thing to do but if you arent happy, you are just dragging him down with you. he will most likely be upset with everything for a while but in the end he will be alot happier knowing he isnt with someone who isnt happy with him. do whats best for you. its okay to be selfish when it comes to matter of the heart.

HEY SWEETIE, YOU WERE 18--NOT A REAL MATURE AGE. YOU HAD DIFFERENT EXPERIENCES AFTER YOU SEPARATED FROM THIS FRIENDSHIP/PLATONIC/FLIRTING RELATIONSHIP, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, GROWING UP. HATE TO BE HARSH HERE, BUT IT'S NOT YOU THAT HAS THE CONFLICTS--IT'S HIM. MEN THAT CAN'T DECIDE TO PURSUE A RELATIONSHIP WITH A WONDERFUL WOMAN WHEN IT'S AVAILABLE, SHOULDN'T HAVE THE DOOR OPENED FOR THEM AFTER 12 YRS--AND THAT WOULD BE YOUR PERSONAL NEEDINESS ISSUE. THE GUY'S A BUM. WHEN YOU LEAVE YOUR HUSBAND (LET'S JUST PLAYACT HERE), THE MAN THAT ACTUALLY CARED ENOUGH TO LIVE WITH YOU ON A DAILY BASIS AND SHARE HIS LIFE WITH YOU FOR TWO YEARS NOW, DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT MR. CANTCOMMIT WILL BE ANY MORE HONEST AND FAITHFUL TO YOU THAN HE'S BEEN? IT MIGHT BE ATTRACTIVE, BUT QUIT EMAILING HIM, QUIT SEEING HIM, QUIT TALKING TO HIM. IF YOU DID THOSE THREE THINGS, YOU MIGHT HAVE MORE TIME TO ACTUALLY INTERACT WITH YOUR "REAL" HUSBAND. AND IF YOUR HUSBAND ISN'T AWARE OR SUSPICIOUS OF ALL THIS OUTSIDE ACTIVITY, ALBEIT "PLATONIC," THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULD INVESTIGATE THE REASONS YOUR MARRIAGE IS SO DYSFUNCTIONAL AND WHY HE HASN'T NOTICED. MAYBE YOU NEED TO DIVORCE, BUT TO THEN RUN INTO THE ARMS OF A MAN THAT CAN'T COMMIT AND HAS BEEN FLIRTING WITH YOU FOR YEARS--IS HE MARRIED? THAT YOU DIDN'T SAY? IF HE IS, WHAT'S "WRONG" WITH HIS WIFE (ACCORDING TO HIM)? UMMM, ALSO, IF YOU QUESTIONED YOUR DECISON TO MARRY BEFORE YOU DID, THEN YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE--ALSO VERY IMMATURE AND NOT INDICATIVE OF HEALTHY SELF-ESTEEM.

GO SEE A THERAPIST AND LEARN TO CORRECT THE WRONG, AND THEN MAKE, THE RIGHT DECISIONS. YOU ARE, IN EFFECT, DATING WHILE YOU ARE MARRIED. THIS DOESN'T MAKE SENSE AT ALL. YOU CAN'T ERASE 12 YRS. QUIT RUNNING AWAY...AND IF YOU STILL HAVENT MOVED ON AND CANT GET THIS GUY OUT OF YOUR HEAD, WAIT A YEAR AFTER YOUR DIVORCE IS FINAL AND THEN DATE HIM. YOU CANT MOVED FROM ONE RELATIONSHIP TO ANOTHER WITHOUT HEALING TIME! IT'S CRAZY. ONCE THE YEAR HAS ELAPSED AFTER YOUR DIVORCE, DATE HIM AND ALL HIS INNER PLAYER WILL BECOME VERY OBVIOUS--AND THEN YOU WILL FINALLY BE ABLE LET THIS ILLUSION GO. HE'S A LOSER--PLEASE DON'T FOLLOW IN HIS FOOTSTEPS.

ps IF YOUR NOT HAPPY IN YOUR MARRIAGE, IT'S NOT A MARRIAGE OF "CONVENIENCE," FAR FROM IT! AND YOUR FRIENDS, WELL, YOU TOOK A VOW TO YOUR HUSBAND, NOT TO THEM. MAYBE YOUR FRIENDS ARE IMMATURE TOO?