Shallow Hal Grave
After a new fat roommate is discovered dead by several Scottish friends sharing a flat, they turn to Tony Robbins for advice on how to deal with the situation. Tony hypnotizes them into believing that the dead fat girl is a huge trunk of money, and that it would be in their best interests to start killing each other for a big hunk of the pie. Hilarity ensues with a tirade of "fat cat" jokes, and murder.
Ebert - "Thumbs down for me. What's up with the Scots these days? I thought Braveheart was very good."
Roeper - "Thumbs down as well, I just didn't buy the whole Tony Robbins thing, and the jokes were pretty low-brow."
Ah, we're back in the fun again (and I got to correct my title of my last entry -- have no idea where "Plunder in the Sun" came from., as it is "Plunder of the Sun" and is with Glen Ford, having nothing to do with Peru.) Now I'll have to think of a new one! Anyone else out there want to play?
Anne of the Thousand Days of Wine and Roses
Anne and Henry flirtingly get together over flagons of wine and drink themselves into a stupor. They marry but Henry ends up in Middle Ages AA. Anne becomes a lush at the local tavern and now appears in the streets with wine stained clothing. Henry finally can't stand it anymore and has her beheaded to stop her from drinking. Now that's intervention.
An extremely lush (you said it) production with some extraordinary drunken performances to rival "Leaving Las Vegas." - Ebert
I didn't buy into the romance, there being no chemistry but cheap wine. -
Roeper
Sadly, I must go, but I am working on a title....love this thread.
You certainly use your imagination, cav -- you really need one to come up with the quirkiest and funniest concoctions.
Good to see this thread still has life in it.
Thinking, thinking. . .
<snicker> This thread rules!
A Mystic River Runs Through It
A girl is murdered in the West. Brad Pitt was fishing and saw the whole thing. He and Tom Skerrit are now suspects.
- "Clint Eastwood was great!" - Ebert
- "You're just saying that 'cause he can beat you up." - Roeper
- "No I'm not. But he can beat you up, too." - Ebert
- "Oh yeah?" - Roeper
- "Yeah!" - Ebert
<fisticuffs ensue as the popcorn flies>
I've always wanted to see Ebert and Roeper end up with two black eyes!
HARRY AND SALLY ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE WEST.
The tragic tale of Harry and Sally's dinner at The Lovely Widow's Cafe in a small town in the old old West. A dinner that starts out serenely enough- soothing candlelight, and a luscious spread of barbecued ribs, until we are startled by strange, unearthly sounds erupting from Sally's throat. Ever the gentleman, quick to the rescue, dinner guest Charles Bronson whips out his Marine Band Harmonica, and begins playing a tune, louder and louder and louder, to quell Sally's increasing wailing and ease the embarrassment of the other guests, one of whom is a tall, lanky gunfighter (played by Henry Fonda). Believe me, you'll feel the goosebumps rise as Fonda ,rising ever so slowly, aims his gun at Bronson's head, and in a slow drawl, speaks the words that are sure to go down in cinema history, "I thought I told you never to play that song again. I told you I never want to hear "Dixie" again.
And that's when all hell breaks loose, but, I'll not say anything further -you must see it for yourself. Believe me, it's a three hour tragedy you won't forget.
Ebert: I think the close-ups of Ryan's and Fonda's eyes are unprecedented. I mean, every eyelash, every vein, stood out.
Anon.: Yes. and I particularly appreciated the teeth close-ups, although, they might have considered using "white strips" for Henry's shots. But all in all, a really authentic western with a magnificent musical score. Never before have I been so touched by "Dixie".
That so twisted, Raggedy (and also funny). It's truly surreal and it's going to take all day to get that harmonica music out of my head.
(It could have been worse -- it might have been a banjo).
Yep. It could have been My Darling Clementine on banjo. That would started a duel.
All that's missing is a ukelele -- a trio of cacophony.
But, then we couldn't have Duelling Banjos.
And then Burt Reynolds could kill them all with a bow and arrow.
That sounds like the makings of a great new movie, L. W. Go for it.
We could call it:
Stand and Deliverance
A dedicated teacher goes on a journey down the rapids to inspire his dropout prone students to learn about the sex habits of the descendants of the Hatfield's and the McCoy's.
The film is anti-climatic after the huge band of harmonicas, banjos and ukeles perform the Ode to Joy from Beethoven's Ninth. - Ebert
When one of the students pops the first banjoist with a bow and arrow the plot sinks beneath the river but I did like the surprise dream sequence at the end where the hand emerges holding the offending banjo. - Roeper
The Two Jakes' Towers
Gollum and Jack Nicholson team up in this sequel within a sequel.
"I thought Nicholson made a convincing hobbit." - Ebert
"And Gollum (Andy Serkis) turned in a fine performance as a gangster, but he did hiss a lot." - Roeper
Far From Heaven Can Wait
An angel who is new on the job plucks the soul from the seemingly-murdered body of a gay football quarterback (Warren Beatty) about to lead his team to the Superbowl. When the angel discovers that he was not ready to die, and that the body has been cremated, a new one must be found. He is reincarnated into the body of a closeted sales executive (Dennis Quaid) in the 1950's who shockingly discovers that he has a wife and children, and a white-bread New Hampshire society life. He does his best to keep up the charade, but eventually cracks and goes back to what he loves, playing football and sleeping with the tight end.
"I would have preferred this movie if the jilted wife did get involved with the black guy, and he became father to a mixed-race family. That would have broken up the contrived conventions a bit, but thumbs up for me." -Ebert
"Well, I really enjoyed the end, when they win the Superbowl, and he plants a big wet kiss on the tight end. It had that feel-good sense of Rudy, but more grown up. Also, both Warren Beatty and Dennis Quaid are so handsome, they always light up the screen. Thumbs up for me as well."
Mulholland Driving Miss Daisy
An elderly Jewish woman finds she can no longer drive, so her son suggests she hire a driver, which in the 1950's meant a black man. She resists the idea at first, but he wins her over with his charm and good graces. On their way to the grocery store, they take a wrong turn and end up in Los Angeles where they meet two strange but beautiful women involved in an intriguing, surreal mystery. They spend about 2 1/2 hours with the women, and 20 years getting to know each other, wondering to the end how the hell they ended up in a David Lynch film.
Dialogue clip:
"You know Hoke..."
"Yes, Miss Daisy?"
"That Eraserhead...I just didn't get it."
"Heh heh...me neither, Miss Daisy, me neither. Can I take youse home now?"
"Yes Hoke, that would be nice."
"I thought the Miss Daisy storyline added a simplicity to what was otherwise another overly-long pretentious Lynch piece." -Ebert
"I have to disagree with you. I didn't buy the Daisy/Hoke characters, there was no reason for them to be there, how they get lost on the way to the store and end up in L.A. is completely implausible...." -Roeper
"Well, I'm giving it thumbs up. I thought adding the Miss Daisy story made it his most accessible film yet." -Ebert
"Well, thumbs down for me...okay, so next on our list...." -Roeper
