Heaven Can Wait Until Dark
A man is given a reprieve from death and placed back on Earth as a blind football player. Little does he know that his football contains secret documents until some pretty nasty looking spies show up in his basement apartment to retrieve the football. They don't succeed -- he nails each of them with a forward pass to the head, cleverly aiming at the direction of their voices. His girlfriend shows up just in time to throw handfuls of marbles on the floor, creating a comic ending as the spies start flying around the room SPLAT! into the walls.
Dying Young Frankenstein
Julia Roberts plays a spurned lover who falls for a man with terminal cancer. After an interminable amount of time, he finally dies, and in her grief, she goes mad. In her madness, she figures out how to revive him from the dead, by replacing his damaged organs with new ones 'borrowed' from other dead people. She succeeds, but her ex-love turns out to be a monster (wrong brain, it turns out), but a funny monster! The film, achingly boring until now, turns into a high-class comedy! In a brilliant twist on 'The Wizard of Oz', director Joel Schumacher decides to go from colour to black and white, instead of the other way around.
"Joel Schumacher?? Man, if I had known, I would never have come to see this. 'Batman and Robin?' Looked more like the gay Bat Ice Capades to me..." -A viewer
Johnny English Patient
Rowan Atkinson stars as a bumbling would-be spy who's been very badly burned in a plane crash during WWII. He tells his story to the sympathetic Juliet Binoche, who reads his diary.
"I think I liked the scene where Mr. Bean flopped down in front of the plane the best." - Ebert
"Mr. Bean wasn't in the picture!" - Roeper
"Yes he was." - Ebert
"No he wasn't." - Roeper
"Was too!" - Ebert
"Was not!" - Roeper
etc.
Sesame Mean Streets Presents Follow that Bird
After being evicted from Sesame Street, Big Bird goes on a cross-country journey. A social worker tries to intervene, but Big Bird hires some Jersey muscle, a young upstart trying to prove himself, to kill the lady. Charlie isn't as "made" as his brothers, and falls in love with Big Bird, much to the dismay of his uncle, who really really doesn't get this romance... They try to escape to Brooklyn, but Charlie's uncle has already hired the rest of the muppets to look for them. Oscar the Grouch rats them out, and a tragic end ensues.
"Another great children's movie from Scorcese." -Ebert
"What are you talking about? This wasn't a children's movie at all! What about the violence, the gore? Thumbs down for me as a children's movie, but thumbs up as a Scorcese film." -Roeper
You're outdoing yourselves.
Raising Citizen Kane
A psycho nanny (played by John Lithgow) is hired to raise a precocious child who wants to learn how to sled down a snowy slope into an incinerator. Ghastly special effects as the nanny also gets set on fire, storms into an opera house and does a drag version of Faust.
I generally don't like remakes but this one has it all -- story, hook, line and stinker. - Roger Ebert
I like the scene where the psycho nanny tries to run for office with Kane.
- Richard Roeper
The Miracle Working Girl
Patty Duke gets ahead in the corporate world by teaching Harrison Ford how to finger-spell words like "water" and "hostile takeover".
The Bridges of Madison County Over the River Kwai
A chance meeting on the River Kwai between a photographer and a housewife blossoms into a love affair. They both find it cannot last as she is married with children. She returns to re-runs of a sitcom while he blows up his bridges behind him.
I didn't understand the World War II setting with all those Japanese soldiers wandering in and out of the action. - Ebert
This was is a real bomb. - Roeper
The French Kiss Connection
Meg Ryan and Gene Hackman play lovers who smuggle drugs into the US.
"Kevin Kline was fabulous in the car chase scene." - Rex Reed
The African Queen of the Stardust Memories Ballroom
Woody Allen's latest film about a coarse boatsman who meets a prim and proper filmmaker in a dance hall.
I couldn't make head nor tails of this movie -- what were all those Germans doing in that Congo line at the end? - Ebert
You like it more than I did -- the movie lost me with the leeches in the toilet scene. -Roeper
Say Anything Else
Jason Biggs woos Ione Skye by holding a boom box over his head in an oddly compelling scene that makes Woody Allen long for the days of Sleeper.
"John Cusack was totally neurotic in that film." - Ebert
"Like this is anything new?" - Ebert's mom
The Royal Hunt of the Sun Also Rises
A motley crew from the Lost Generation go on a vacation in Peru only to run into Christopher Plummer in high Incan drag.
The cinematography is the only saving grace (sic). - Ebert
I was dissapointed in the costuming. Too many feathers. - Roeper
I'm sure the director thinks there was just as many feathers as was needed. - Ebert
