The Lion King in Winter
In this Disney adaptation of the acclaimed film by almost the same name, the story of Henry II, Eleanor of Aquitaine and three sons vying for the throne of England is inexplicably moved to Africa. Animated jungle creatures, including lots of lions, replace Oscar-winning actors. Some changes were made in the story, to the dismay of many fans of the 1968 original. A Disney spokesperson had this to say:
"Sure, we did adapt the original to be kid-friendly....we decided to remove the Katherine Hepburn character, you know, she was locked up in a creepy castle, and we didn't wan't that to be traumatizing to the children. Then, in a brainstorming session, we thought, why not move it to Africa, with a positive father figure, to appeal to the 'ghetto market'...ooops, I didn't mean 'ghetto', umm, 'urban' is the word I was looking for. Then someone said, "What about the three sons without a mom?" Well, we didn't want to imply in any way that Africans breed more than regular people, so we cut out two sons. However, we think that Scar was a pretty good Prince Philip, and the whole 'intrigue' thing was kept in the film, but watered down a bit. Go ahead, just try to sue us."
"Why try to reinvent history? I really don't get it." -Ebert
"I agree....this is the worst Disney travesty since they watered down, no pun intended, Jaws, with Finding Nemo. Oops, that wasn't Disney, was it?" -Roeper
I can hard wait for the musical stage version!
A few Elton John tracks from the long-awaited stage production of 'The Lion King in Winter', bound to be hits:
"You Didn't Kill Your Dad, You Just Want His Throne"
"Don't Ask Questions 'bout Mom"
"Yes, It's Africa"
"Simba's Theme: It's Hard Being a Lion in Winter"
That would be good...he'd look hilarious in the lion mask, and he's done enough bad films (and great films as well) in his time to merit the role. Hey, at least he always had work.
He was too tall to play Lawrence who was only 5'5"!
Inherit the Wind in the Willows
Ratty and Mole face off in court in this animated classic about teaching evolution in the public school system.
What? We're all descended from moles?
(Well, at least those in the CIA).
Well, I might be descended from a mole. I've got somewhat strong prescription eyeglasses.
I would rather believe that than Ratty!
(Of course, Ratty could merely mean one is having a bad hair day!)
Wild Things to Come Back to the Five and Dime, Jimmy Dean, Jimmy Dean
The Disciples of James Dean meet up on the anniversary of his death and mull over their lives in the present and in flashback, revealing the truth behind their complicated lives. Before they can accomplish anything the Disciples are overthrown by black garbed men leaping from sky machines resembling Howard Hughes' The Spruce Goose in shiny black paint (look, Mom, no parachutes!). They build a future city in the Earth and send Karen Black to the moon. Finally! Meanwhile in south Florida, a high school counselor is accused of rape by a manipulative rich girl and her trailer trash classmate. The cop on the case begins to suspect Karen Black and sends a space shuttle to the Moon to pick her up for questioning. It's all so complicated.
This film goes on and on and on with more of a capitulation than a climax (that, of course, came during the rape scene). - Ebert
I love the race to the Moon with the space shuttle chasing Bruce Willis (an uncredited appearance) in a rocket propelled Yellow Cab. - Roeper
(I think Bruce Willis' meter has run down).
(And Robert Altman thinks he came up with the longest title for a movie!)
When Harry Met Sally Worlds Collide
Two planets collide producing the universe's largest fake orgasm.
Glad you resurrected this thread, Wizard. I'll have to put my thinking cap on.
Oh, this is too easy.
Dances with Ninjas
Kevin Costner goes East to fight some savage insurgents and ends up joining them to become the last Samurai.
The Last Samurai Picture Show
Cybill Shepard gets medieval on Tom Cruise.
Last Samurai in Paris
A 19th century Samurai comes to the city of light and of Tulouse Lautrec for R&R and parties at the old Moulin Rouge. Kate Winslett plays Jeanne Avril.
The Last Seven Samurai
Villagers enlist the help of seven samurai to protect them from a wondering band of thieves. All the samurai require for payment is some rice. The villagers meaning well give them a rice byproduct -- saki. They all become drunk and when the thieves attack, they instead join the party and turn it into an orgy. The samurais ashamed that they were compromised fall on their swords. The end.
