FraCtuReD FLicKs III - SPAM-O-RAMA May 2004

FULL METAL MONTY

Sequel:

The troup has gone big time and is embarking on it's first tour. It's their big break.

But the guys are busted at an airline security check point when the metal detector discovers that one of the boys has enhanced himself with a grenade.

They charm the security matrons (played by Tracy Ullman and Julie Kavner in a show stopping performance) and dance themselves out of the situation to the tune of Macho Man. Hillarity ensues and their career is saved.

RAN RAN RAN SO FAR AWAY

Kirosawa's brilliant musical interperetation of Shakespeare's 'King Lear', starring famed 80's band, A Flock of Seagulls.

ATTACK OF 50 FOOTLOOSE WOMEN

Giant, repressed women from a small town in Iowa go to Rockefeller Center and join the Rockettes. They get out of hand and high kick New York into oblivion- destroying everything in their path.

RAISING JOHN MALKOVICH IN ARIZONA -- A former lady cop and her ex-con husband find a portal behind a velvet painting in their double-wide. Thinking they've found a way to buried treasure, they slide into the portal only to find themselves in an upstairs bedroom with five tiny John Malkovich babies.

Yes!

A STAR IS BORN IN THE USA

After retiring from their exploits, Cheech becomes a respected character actor and big TV star, while Chong bitterl\y lives out his days in the "Where Are They Now Thread".

Witness for the Prosecution, Mommie Dearest. (Documentary)

Woman played by Joan Crawford, is observed beating her children. This neighbor calls the police, who charges her with child abuse. The neighbor testifies as to the horrendous treatment that Joan's children have suffered at the hands of Crawford.

The X Files Meets the Wolf Man

Scully and Mulder discover that the beings that they are looking for are not extraterrials. Instead, they find that the person who kidnapped Mulder's sister was a wolfman who immigrated to the US from Transylvania to flee from political discrimination.

Gone With the Yellow Rolls Royce

Story of a Southern belle who runs off with her boyfriend by stealing her father's antique automobile.

42nd Streetcar Named Desire

A new musical. Stella tap dances sexily down the stairs while Stanley is doing an Elvis impersonation in his torn tee shirt, breaking into a chorus of "Jailhouse Rock." Blanche is upstairs staring into the mirror and singing "You're Getting to Be a Habit With Me" (she's considering becoming a nun). The entire cast ends up shuffling off to Buffalo.

I love the smell of LMAO in the morning!

Speaking of which...

La Cage Apocolypse Now

Musical adaptation of the classic Vietnam film featuring an all gay cast, and tons of sass! New numbers include "Why Does War Have to Be Such a Downer", "Where There's Glitter, There's Pride" and the tender ballad "The Horror, The Horror."

Adapted from the Conrad novel, "Heart of Gayness?"

Perhaps

Don't mind me.
I am just reading this, unable to think.
It's amazing, I understood the question.

Alot of hoofing going on here!

An American Werewolf in London Bridge Over the River Kwai

An American G.I. with a dark lupine secret is commandeered to sabatoge a bridge in a Japanese internement camp. His personal struggle is learning to not eat the rest of his team after nightfall, especially during a full moon.

Does that mean he was trying to severe his relationship with the Japanese?

THE BIG EASY RIDER (rewrite)

Captain America and the gang make it to Mardi Gras and live happily ever after. Faaaar out!

"Brother Sun, Sister Moon Over Miami"

St. Francis decides to retire in Miami and immediately runs into Bette Grable. Smitten by her beautiful legs, he's shot full of many of Cupid's arrows and appears to be emulating St. Sebastian the Martyr. Don Ameche has to set him straight in a big finale production number "Kindergarten Conga." Nott to be outdone by another famous martyr, St. Francis is seen at the end of the film walking on water into the sunset (okay, so he had to trek all the way across a bunch of trailer parks to make it to the Gulf -- that's artistic license).

LW, that's a classic! I thought I was the only one who saw "Brother Sun, Sister Moon", but I do admit I missed "Moon over Miami."

A few more minutes on my cake in the oven, must think...

A CLOCKWORK ORANGE COUNTY

Jack Black reprises the Malcolm McDowell role of the original Kubrick flick in this hilarious comedy about how two brothers literally kick their way to college, only to find an evil dean, who straightens them out....or does he?