Green Card Quandary

(listening while kvetching with no useful ideas..)

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I think I should print out this thread and read it over after a few weeks of vacation, which is coming up over christmas, thank heavens.
can't think straght about this now, i don't have the energy or will to focus on solutions - i guess that would be the burnout/depression part. i know this. it's three people quitting in short sequence, which is a lot to take in, it is disappointment with the boss i believed in, it is a collapsed vision of what i hoped to achieve. but i do know that my current funk is influencing my optimism, so i'm not hanging my gloves on the hook yet.

i do need a break bad. it's coming. i can't wait to not think about work for a few days.

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Just found this thread & have read it right through.

So much good advice & concern for you. People here really care about you, dag! Very Happy

Of course, ultimately you will make your own decision & it will be the "right" one, whatever it is. All you need is a bit of a rest & a chance to properly process all the different arguments cursing around your brain.

Just one word of advice, if I may: a person can't work so hard indefinitely, no matter how worthy the cause.

So don't forget about your health & also your personal hopes & dreams, when weighing up your options!

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dagmaraka wrote:

I think I should print out this thread and read it over after a few weeks of vacation, which is coming up over christmas, thank heavens.
can't think straght about this now, i don't have the energy or will to focus on solutions - i guess that would be the burnout/depression part. i know this. it's three people quitting in short sequence, which is a lot to take in, it is disappointment with the boss i believed in, it is a collapsed vision of what i hoped to achieve. but i do know that my current funk is influencing my optimism, so i'm not hanging my gloves on the hook yet.

i do need a break bad. it's coming. i can't wait to not think about work for a few days.

You sound as if you could use a hug, too.

{{{Dasha}}}Now cheer up, young lady! Don't make me come up to Boston to give you a hug in person.

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Well, today is naturally a little better. I am dealing with my frustrations through spewing a strategic plan for 2008, so that I have something to beat against the boss's head when he tries to assign multiple new priorities to me.

Meh.

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(I see upon re-reading that ehBeth suggested the strike out on your own thing before I did. You obviously have the smarts and the capability, and that coupled with smart, capable people who are leaving your current place of employment seems like a golden opportunity.)

Nothing to decide anytime too soon though.

Enjoy your much-needed vacation...

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Today, I received a report from my colleagues in Cambodia. It was from their work in one village. One tiny remote village, where we started dialogues about the Pol Pot time, took the villagers to Phnom Penh to see the Tuol Sleng Prison (where some 30,000 died) and to Choeung Ek killing fields, with mass graves and stupas. The villagers found two of their relatives among the photos in Tuol Sleng... They held a ceremony at the Killing Fields with two buddhist monks to give peace to theirs and the deceased souls. The dialogues in the village opened the topic for the first time since 1979. The young generation, which largely does not believe genocide ever took place (it's not taught at school or talked about) heard the stories of their parents and grandparents and for the first time believe them. That brings an enormous relief to the elders who are worried about the future.... The work done in these villages changes people's lives and brings peace to entire communities.

In any case, selfishly, it couldn't be more timely. It reminds me why I'm here in the first place and why the mundane daily crap is worth enduring.

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dagmaraka wrote:

In any case, selfishly, it couldn't be more timely. It reminds me why I'm here in the first place and why the mundane daily crap is worth enduring.

I admire your stamina. I see how important your work is. Still, if I was in your place, I doubt I could endure the mundane daily crap in the amounts that you do. More power to you!

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Well, it's been this way for about a month or so. It hasn't always been this way.

But it does need to change.

I am sending my CV to one UN office. We'll see what happens.

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dagmaraka wrote:

I am sending my CV to one UN office. We'll see what happens.

Wow, that's exciting!

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Ok, I'm an ignorant farm boy, what might a CV be.... Embarrassed

The Germ taught me about TPS, I'm assuming this is RIS (really important s**t....

Clueless in Kansas.

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Dag,

Advice is always risky when one doesn't know all the facts, and would not likely understand them fully even if they were available. However, I offer this in good faith.

Your problem with your boss appears to be centered in your reaction to him. You can either change his behavior (not likely), or decide to simply quit reacting to what you don't like. A synthesis might be to focus more on what traits you do find admirable in him (I assume there are some) and give him some positive feedback on them. It just might alter the situation and it will likely improve your state of mind.

You appear a bit conflicted in your expressed concerns that if you return home you will your identity suborned by that of your father, and that if you stay here, you may not get to know him as much as you wish. This might be worth some more reflection on your part.

As others here have suggested, I wouldn't worry about lingering obligations to your employer after you get your green card. Both you and they are acting on the implicit understanding that no restriction on your future freedom is involved.

You appear to be (understandably) strongly motivated and satisfied by many aspects of your work. That there are some that you don't like is almost everyone's fate. Often the ennui you describe is a result of unresolved, and often unnecessary, internal conflicts. Alter your focus on these things a bit. Make some compromises - work here and travel home periodically, for example. Perfect solutions to overlapping problems aren't generally available. However, positive action to implement partial solutions can significantly improve your outlook on them all.

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Rockhead wrote:

Ok, I'm an ignorant farm boy, what might a CV be....

The Germ taught me about TPS, I'm assuming this is RIS (really important s**t....

Clueless in Kansas.

Her curriculum vitae.

I'm willing to bet you thought it meant constant-velocity ... am I right?

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I'll deal with your car humor attempts later, but thanks for the info, Ticomayanator dude... Cool

(and a really helpful barrister woulda just said it was a resume for educated folks that speak Latin, huh, George?)

RH

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georgeob1 wrote:

Dag,

Advice is always risky when one doesn't know all the facts, and would not likely understand them fully even if they were available. However, I offer this in good faith.

Your problem with your boss appears to be centered in your reaction to him. You can either change his behavior (not likely), or decide to simply quit reacting to what you don't like. A synthesis might be to focus more on what traits you do find admirable in him (I assume there are some) and give him some positive feedback on them. It just might alter the situation and it will likely improve your state of mind.

You appear a bit conflicted in your expressed concerns that if you return home you will your identity suborned by that of your father, and that if you stay here, you may not get to know him as much as you wish. This might be worth some more reflection on your part.

As others here have suggested, I wouldn't worry about lingering obligations to your employer after you get your green card. Both you and they are acting on the implicit understanding that no restriction on your future freedom is involved.

You appear to be (understandably) strongly motivated and satisfied by many aspects of your work. That there are some that you don't like is almost everyone's fate. Often the ennui you describe is a result of unresolved, and often unnecessary, internal conflicts. Alter your focus on these things a bit. Make some compromises - work here and travel home periodically, for example. Perfect solutions to overlapping problems aren't generally available. However, positive action to implement partial solutions can significantly improve your outlook on them all.

George, I wish it was in my reaction to him, but no. Remeber three people are quitting right now because of my boss's behavior, including a woman who came on board to, among other things, coach him on communication and people management. I hold her in high esteem as she helped the rest of us a lot, but she pronounced the boss irreparable (can't blame her, i witnessed one of these sessions) and quit 6 months before her contract, foregoing $18,000. That bad... nothing to do with me or my reactions. I have in fact lasted far longer with the boss than anybody else. At this point in time he is HARMING my work, thus i simply cannot afford to ignore his behavior. He is in my way. I get along just fine with him on personal level, but he is a lousy manager. I have avoided that too long if anything.

I know well that perfect solutions are not available, and I am not looking for one. But I am also not looking to avoid solutions at this moment. I am also not going to alter my outlook to make it more positive - my outlook has been naively too positive for three years, I have now stepped up to deal with the crap that piled up; and that largely due to far too many compromises. So I believe it's actually quite the opposite. I have been all that you suggested and far too much of it. Won't go there anymore.

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I'll read George's post in a bit, but first to the cv. They tend to go on for pages, with citations for papers authored. Very cool within the realm.
Useful within that realm, though carping within that sphere does occur..

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Ah, well, I understand George's points, and Dag's response.

I'm guessing some folks don't make it all the way up there in a more military circumstance, but I could be wrongo.

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but, I forgot what TPS means...

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Just read the news on Mame's thread.

Good.

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dagmaraka wrote:

I am handing in my 8 months notice tomorrow. Have been overwhelmed at my current job with no management to speak of (if, then only for the worse), so I'm quitting in August (when my lease expires) and moving back to Europe. Meanwhile, I have a dissertation to finish, submit, and defend before I move.
Yes, definitely overwhelmed.

Dissertation. Do you need another support group run at that?

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