Green Card Quandary

Bookmark -- I'm afraid no good advice immediately comes to mind.

Agreed with dlowan, picking up what ehBeth is saying.

Your boss, bless his heart, reminds me.... of my Mr. Fire and occasionally Wise, but most often full bodied Resentment amid Confusion. It's like dealing with a morphing sponge. Only boss I've ever said f*ck you to.


Years later, at a party among colleagues, he met the guy who later became a many years' boss/mentor and told him I'd said that to him. New Guy said, well then, f*ck you too! Heh, he was nicely stoned, but I laughed when I heard about it.

Not that you should follow my lead. Just sayin' I've been around this block, but without your complications.

this sounds probably pretty corny , but here it is anyways ...

i read this in a book an old seadog wrote in the 1920's . he'd started out as a sailor and eventually became a famous german in his days - his name was count luckner . he is considered by some to be the last german pirate (a comerce raider) .
the advice came from an old sailor who befriended him when at the age of 14 he ran away from home and was loking for a sailship captain to hire him .

the advice was quite simple :
" ONE HAND FOR THE SHIP , ONE HAND FOR YOURSELF " .

and it applies in any situation . you must NOT give both hands to the ship when you are working in the sails or when you are working anyplace .
one hand must always be reserved for yourself !
if you give both your hands to the ship - or the work you are doing - and you fall overboard , you have not done anyone a favour : you can no longer help your shipmates and you can no longer help yourself either !

you can replace the word HANDS with anything you choose , your knowledge , you brain power , your hard work .. ..
and you can replace the word SHIP with your workplace situation .

to put simply : if you give EVERYTHING of yourself , you have nothing left for yourself , but in the end ONLY YOU are responsible for yourself .

this may sound selfish , but i don't think it is - unless you are looking for sainthood and have decided to give up all wordly goods .

perhaps this does sound corny , but i've always tried to run my worklife that way .
hbg

Good advice Hamburger. Too often I've let go for the company, and been burned.

Dag, you have to watch out for you, too. I think your conscience is maybe oversized.

I've worked with a number of H-1B folks who were basically indentured servants until their green cards came through. Then they split, pronto! If you decide to stay until you get your green card, there is absolutely nothing wrong with running with it when you get it. Rather than staying on to pay him back, consider that you're already paying it forward.

Sigh, I hear youse.... beth, you're so right that i for so long didn't see or even refused to see though it was staring in my face what SOB my boss can be. I only saw it when this new girl, now friend, came on board and through our discussions i had less and less to defend him. when i realized that his basic values are irreconcilable with mine, it all kinda fell apart and so now I finally have to deal with it.

And yes, hamburger, Rockhead, JPB, othes..... I was giving it my all. This was my life. I suspect that that was a subconscious choice.... precisely so that I can pospone dealing with my life. It was convenient that way. Now the bottom fell off and the pot is leaking all over, as we clever Slovaks say.

I think the plan is to talk this through with my parents. Of course they want me to move back, but they do also understand the value of the green card. And look around when I go back home what organizations sprung up there...

I WAS also talking with a few friends about establishing our own non-profit in Central Europe. But: I am not interested in Central European toics (sorry homeland) unless it's working with the Roma, but that's more of a human rights orientation. There is one center - Partners for Democratic Change Slovakia that I have an eye on - they do lots of mediation trainings and interventions, lead community mediations. I think they would be interested in my line of work. Plus, sigh, my parents know the director (who DON'T they know...). But they are poor just as most of the NGOs in Central Europe - it's hard to find money nowadays. Soros moved eastwards... USAID pulled out, too.... There are more European Union funds...but it's harder than it used to be. I imagine I would have to come with my own funding.... anyway, it's a possibility, especially if the current boss will want to keep me on in one way or another (highly likely).

Well, I guess it won't hurt to go pay them a visit while at home. I shall do that.

Good. Find your feet.

Back on my story of the colleague party and the new mentor saying f/y in camaraderie to me, on exceptionally short acquaintance and while stoned... to my previous Difficult Boss...

he was and still is a peaceful man, in contrast to the first. Must've reacted by sheer instinct.

Not words I ever heard him say since, nor words I use much - in fact I think I've said them only to that one person.




What is my point.. some people who are interested in peace can create war all around themselves.

To modify a question that ehBeth asked earlier: Suppose your boss gets hit by a truck, and the center dies. Would there be other work in America worth getting a Green Card for? Or would that be a clear-cut case for you of moving back to the Bratislava area?

Yeah, I'd go straight home. Not a single doubt. No other job in the U.S. right now for me (note: right now). Burnt out. Won't deal with the visa crap, but that's not all.... There's no place like home (tapping her red slippers)

In this case, my advice would be to go straight home. It's bad for you to be married to a single job like this, especially if its future is as uncertain as it seems to be. (I'm sad to say this, because I was looking forward to having you kinda-in-the-neighborhood of New Jersey.)

EDIT: Alternatively, you could take a couple of months off to recover -- with or without terminating your employment, at your boss's option. Then you could make your decision when you're no longer burnt out.

hey, if i go home, it's not gonna be sooner than in a year or two (two more likely).... i shall see you around.

You bet!

A Mensch! There's altruism!



Just to confuse you again Dagglepuss...I was very struck with your comments about being burned out, and "right now"...do you think your answer to Thomas' question might be different if you felt better?

What a compliment osso!

(Sorry, I had to out with that).

Now I'll finish reading up, dag.

possibly. likely. dunno.

Sounds like a decision has been made. You'll be there for another two years (probably, at least...is that right?)

A lot can happen in two years. It might seem eminently reasonable if you were to leave the job shortly after you got your card especially if you still weren't getting the field experience you signed on for.

It occurs to me that if you obtained your green card sooner, rather than later, your sense of obligation to the company might be shortened, not lengthened. Do you see?

But the problem appears more immediate than that. How to get through the next two years?

if you truly think you are BURNT OUT , i'm sure you know what to do NOW - and not just in a year or two - GET OFF THE TREADMILL !
TAKE CARE OF YOUR MIND AND BODY NOW !
hbg

burnt out is fixable.... this organization, however, dunno.

our strategic consultant - the only beacon of hope for me and the friend the office manager - is quitting. she is not willing to take crap from my boss and our chair of the board (who has personality much like the boss) and does not see any willingness on my boss's part to heed any of her advice (so true... and not just her advice. staff's opinions as well).
That is going to speed up my friend's quitting. From January or February I'll be on my own, without the two of them, who are my only support. And since I work on H1B status - which is tied to this office- I'm stuck, can't go anywhere else.
Uber depressing day.

Eesh.....