@Roberta,
Hey Girl
K " my
Of course you are down... depression " well, that is a chemical imbalance is it not? Feeling low and blue and positively crap all the time " well, of course you are.
Seeing a psych " personally, I think it’s a good idea " though of course everyone has different feelings about this.
Reasons: 2 years ago I ended up at my GP, crying, desperate " whole bunch of stuff going on " the main one being that no-one understood why I felt the way I did and was trying to control everything I did. Whatever I felt or did - wasn't good enough - I wasn't good enough. That’s not important right now. Anyhoo " I had to fill a ridiculous form about how crap I felt. I ticked every box that I realised I shouldnt be, and was sure I was then paving my way to the funny farm. The doc said " “yep, you’re depressed” and got me an urgent appointment to see a psych. At that point, I didn’t even care who I saw as long as someone listened to what I said. So I pottered along and met “the shrink”, toothbrush in bag in case the little men were going to be waiting outside the door for me when I came out (seriously!!!!) " I sat, I cried, I had a monotone vocal epic rant about what I felt was sh!t around me and how I couldn’t see a way forward. I detailed the events of what had happened, what was happening, and what I couldn’t see would happen in the future. At the end of the session, the chap looked at me and told that yep, he could prescribe me pills and that could maybe make me a feel bit better " but actually, I was the least “mad” person he had ever met, that I had the right to be angry, sad, feel cr@p and be worried about the future. I had the right to wake up and wish not to because I knew the day was going to be a struggle. I had the right to just plain feel sorry for myself when everyone else just wanted me to look at how “lucky” I was compared to others " that my son was alive, I had another son, my ex could no longer hurt me, my health was being treated. I didn’t feel lucky, or strong, or a good person, or worth anything " despite being “fortunate in the real world". He, “the shrink” validated my feelings - that's how I felt " he didn’t make me feel bad about myself for feeling rubbish, he listened, he understood, he just acknowledged that I had reason to feel “down” " albeit a little more down that most others at the time. I didn’t go back and see him again " neither of us felt I needed another appointment. I didn't take the pills. I still rollercoaster but I look at things differently now. I remember what he told me - that I had the right to feel the way I felt and no-one could take that away from me.
So, what I’m saying to you Roberta is, you are down " I don’t know if you are depressed, I'm no doc or psych, just a friend " I do know from everything you have said that everything is a struggle right now " knock after knock, physically feeling ill, mentally feeling rubbish " you can’t eat, speak, drink, enjoy, celebrate... you are getting thru one day at a time " you have financial worries, you are fighting a battle that is wearing you down, knocking the stuffing quite literally out of you, you've been zapped and cut, bashed mentally and there's more to come " and there is no quick fix, yet you still have to get up, try and work, try and focus, try and live.
Going to a psych, IMO only,
could do you some good. I don’t know. It’s hard to see a psych and not be able to talk. You would need to write it down to convey to him/her just what you think you are feeling. There’s a lot of folk who think seeing a psych is all brooohahaha " I don’t " I think that talking and getting it out of your head and having someone listen to you is the best thing you can do. Talking to a complete stranger is often a lot easier than talking to a friend. You can say exactly what you wish to without feeling guilty for feeling it and saying it,
without thinking "oh it's not so bad, I shouldn't be whinging".
It’s not kvetch with psych. You can be 100% honest and know that you won’t be judged. It MAY make you be able to find some perspective in a way we can't " it MAY NOT. I think it’s worth a try Boida. Only you know whether it's worth a try tho.
I’m sorry for going on here " I’ve done so because I care about you ... A2K cares about you " but all we can do is offer a virtual ear " sometimes, having a real ear from a total stranger may make your voice heard. Not saying we don’t hear you " we do.... really...
Only my opinion girl " consider seeing the psych maybe " if only to have someone in your real world validate your feelings when it all seems as tho the world is going around without you.
You’re very loved here. Take care Boida. x
(so sorry for really going on)
))))))))Nation
