Friendship delimma

I agree she was being insensitive. What I don't know is whether she just got carried away in the situation, or whether this was deliberate. Based on how you describe her, I'd be surprised if she'd made you feel bad on purpose. But I guess you'll find out once you get her reply to your e-mail.

I do think that the fact that guests tell you they were annoyed counts for something. Yeah, they shoulda said something at the time, but it's not that clear-cut. I can imagine that they didn't want to make a scene, thought it would be more tactful to just bow out.

And I totally understand why you're po'ed, and the way that events can kind of tumble into each other so you don't realize at the time what is happening, exactly, and then look back and say, "Hey!". I definitely think a talk is in order, without necessarily bringing empirical notions of right and wrong into it.

Obviously, you're mad. You can just talk to her about the fact that you're mad, and what you require from the relationship henceforth. If she complains that she didn't mean it, you're being too sensitive, whatever, just say that those are your boundaries, and if she wants you to remain her friend, you expect her to respect them. She may well retort with something about how you didn't say anything to her at the time, and that can be your side of the agreement -- always tell her if she is crossing your boundaries, with the expectation that she'll listen.

Good luck!

Thomas, in this case I think the fact that she didn't make LibertyD feel bad on purpose is not much of a defense -- I think LD felt that she should have realized that it was inappropriate/ making LD feel bad without having it pointed out.

But of course, that's several notches better than purposely setting out to sabotage the party, indeed.

Hee hee...if that is indeed her insecurity Liberty, talking about dildos all night certainly doesn't help

Sure, Sozobe. I just thought that unless she did it on purpose, she'll be interested in resolving this to save the friendship. Stuff like this can, with some work, be resolved by talking it through and setting rules for the next time such a situation arises -- like the ones you are suggesting. I guess I was trying to answer LibertyD's question whether she should terminate the friendship, and I believe this is the right thing if, and only if, her friend did it on purpose.

-- Thomas

Thomas, I don't think she was intentionally trying to one-up me or trying to make me feel bad. She just got caught up in her own self-satisfying conversations too much to think about how it would affect others. And as far as a reply to my email -- I haven't gotten an apologetic phone call or anything.

Soz, I think (I know) you're right about no one wanting to create a scene. They would be afraid of not only creating bad vibes in the party but also offending me (in case I actually approved of that talk). And the complaints afterwards bothered me because I've never experienced that before -- there's always some annoying character at every party, but to actually complain a day or two afterward really says something.

And, I'd like to add, neither I nor my family or friends are "prudes." We're good Irish-Catholics who drink (to answer your question, Noddy) and smoke and swear, but there has to be a line drawn somewhere.

I think that Sugar's idea of my friendship outlasting a good "bitchfest" is always a good test.

I think most of you are being too forgiving of Miss X. This gets worse as we go on. When you look at all the evidence, it's shocking! Scandalous!:wink: (Well it's pretty bad anyway!)


So far we've got (in mixed company and in front of relatives, I hope not elders):

**Interupting people to Talk about Dildoes

**Demonstration or discussion of masterbation tecniques

**"Talking about all the cool sex toys she found, which ones she tried out and liked, etc., and literally did not stop talking about it from 7 PM until 3 AM"

**Talking about vibrators all night

**Guests complaining

**Guests leaving because of her


Reaaally, Now

And I'm drinkin', smokin,' swearin', non prude, myself

ROFLMAO

Fealola, I gotta get you here for a girl's night!

I'm thinking that maybe I should just wait to see what kind of response I get from her. And frankly, it says a lot that I haven't gotten one yet...I should have either gotten an apology letter or call or a bitch letter telling me how messed up I am...but haven't received anything.

Maybe she's mulling.

I suggest that Liberty and fealola get together for a girl's night to chat, and fealola can make that grilled salmon pasta I suggested, with real cream It's summer in this hemisphere, so some nice chilled dry rose wine would go well (and please don't call it blush, blush is over-sweet and unforgiving to the palate, rose is dry but accomodating). Cheers!

Yeah, she's mulling.

Great idea, cav -- the menu goes along great with my pseudo-adkins diet. AND I have several bottles of wine left over from my party, although the only (oh god, is it rose or blush) I have is White Zin -- still unopened.

Get some gluten-free and/or organic whole grain pasta (kamut, quinoa, a blend, it's all good) Save the white zin for killing pests...eew...blush....you do NOT want 'blush' in this dinner....

Any Time, Liberty!

That is a great meal, Cav, but "Girl's Night" to me means NO Cooking!

Cav'll cater! (Hmmm, sounds like a little crawly creature, a cavulcater.)

Wait! You've got wine???! Okay, I'll cook!

Yeah...guess we'll have to just forget the white zin (thank god) and go for some good white -- but it's going fast, fealola! heehee

thanks...wasn't sure how to classify that one!

I think your friend sounds like she has a free-spirit and a good sense of fun and that she doesn't see anything wrong with whqat she did. Something soesn;t sound right to me with the way you are telling the story. For example, you say that she had all the men interested in hearing more, but then you say some of the men complained. What's really going on here?

LibertyD, "What Sugar said."

One question, how old are you? When I was in my 20's and 30's, it was almost impossible for me to confront anyone about anything. As an old broad, I have no problem in first asking, then telling, someone to stop the inappropriate behavior or leave--right now!

LibertyD - this was your get-together in your home. If you, or your husband, had a problem with what was going on with your friend, it was your responsibility to deal with it. You note in your original post that you noticed the problem during the evening, but didn't address it with her. You hold part of the responsibility for things continuing after that point.

Sugar and Diane and I are all of different vintages, but 'what Sugar said' and 'what Diane said', 'ceptin' I'm not an old broad. Neither is Diane for that matter!

If I were your friend, and for some reason had been allowed to carry on in that manner in your home, and got an angry email about it from you later, I'd probably kiss your butt good-bye. Given what you said you liked about her, in your original post, you could lose a good, lively, if occasionally inappropriate, friend.