Looking EVERWHERE

I agree with you...

Adds, this was in 1964. Illegitimacy was a hard way for a child to start out then, and that was a word quite in vogue. As I mentioned, changes happened as the sixties moved along, but '64 was early on. Thus my consternation re my i.d. - was I married? had some sailor left me? I was working on a story - I stopped ever lying a year or two after this, as a kind of life principle, but wasn't there yet. This was before some married women trended to keep their own family names. Not too long after, changes happened on that too. What was pounded into me was that this was all best for the child. Maybe it was. I don't know.

Before I was discharged from the hospital, I signed a lot of papers, to the effect I would never try to find the child. That was a terrible day. I don't know his name. I know the name I gave him while he was baptized.

I know that paperwork has been superceded, or I certainly hope so, just explaining that was the way it was.
Years later, there were times I almost contacted the original organization but backed off when other stuff in my life happened.

A memory, from when I was in the recovery room. A girl crying for her mother. The nun saying, "why didn't you think of your mother before", rather loudly (I could hear it) and fiercely. They still wore habits then, just before more changes in the 60's.

Your story needs to be told! I watched a film, "Philomena", in which an Irish mom is faced with a similar predicament. My heart really goes out to you. What a way to start in life...and what a hard thing to live with. Wow...you're strong!!

I've read about it, not least because I like the actors, but I'm not there yet. I will put it on my netflix queue one of these days.

Even now I'd like to contact, but at this point I'd be taken as a older woman with financial need grabbing a chance, if he is even alive, approaching fifty. All those times I thought of trying to contact, I could not figure out how to talk about rape. Why would I burden him with that? And, then, how could I not be straight about it? While I was thinking about all that, other stuff happened, and time went by.

Sozobe and I talked about this - she understood the quandary.
If you're ever at loose ends re who to read on a2k, sozobe is major in my view.
I take it she gave up on all the regurgitated splat threads here, plus is busy. Not that we all have to agree, but she has a spark mind.

Rosa, I haven't addressed you and I apologize for that. Keep talking.

lol it's ok no big deal, I'm about to delete this thread anyway.

Good luck with that.