1st cousin relationship

There ARE no absolute morals. There are only the current social norms, and what is accepted at your time in your place. Therefore it is completely irrelevant what other people in the past may have done. People in the past in other locations have also had a fine time of child molestation...that may have been right in their time, but that doesn't have anything to do with whether or not it is "right" in your time. You may note that what is "right" is a completely arbitrary human distinction, and wonder what point there is in following it. Well first of all, it's not completely arbitrary -- the current social norms are basically "evolved" to fit the needs of the society. Usually there is some underlying logical reason why a social norm exists. So why bother following social norms? Firstly, because it may have some underlying reason for existing. But more importantly, you make yourself an outcast and a weirdo according to the current society..and that has negative effects on your life. You are free to do whatever you want, I personally think it is a very bad idea simply because you will distance yourself from your family.

Yes, MPC, one of the "functions" attributed to clans is that they are devices for generating large alliances by marriage. The summary principle: Marry out or die out. You already have a kinship connection--political alliances with people of your clan; you can double that by marriage with (as European aristocrats did/do) other clans. I suppose these are often arranged marriages.
It seems that arranged marriages are more enduring than are modern marriages in which spouses choose each other. In the latter case the connection is primarily between individuals; in the former it is between groups. And the groups tend to apply pressure for endurance. When a divorce or death occurs the inter-group allliance is undermined. There are forces that countermand this eventuality, e.g., the surviving spouse will often marry a brother, cousin or other lineage mate of the deceased, thus perpetuating the allliance.

I personally think it is a very bad idea simply because you will distance yourself from your family.[/quote]
you keep mentioning the whole distance from family thing, but never stopped to ask about MY family. Some people have a good family and that is great...for them.

I agree with what you say Butternuts. And even if you do have a good family, from which you would not want to be distanced, as I do, I was thinking about it and I have to say, in the long run, practically, this kind of alliance would increase closeness of the family unit.

I have a daughter and my sister has a son who is a year and a half older than her. I also have a son, and my same sister has a daughter who is three months older than him. These two sets of first cousins have been each other's best friends since they were born. And when I first read about your quandary, I thought about it in terms of my family, and specifically, what would I think or do about it if my son or my daughter wanted to marry his or her cousin. And honestly, I wouldn't feel that negatively about it. I think my niece and nephew are great people- they come from a great family , they have the same moral and cultural values, and in terms of in-laws- I couldn't ask for better people.

I'm not advocating this on a full-scale, day to day basis. But if/when you fall in love with someone, I have to say that I believe you should be allowed to follow your heart. Your family- no matter how wonderful it is- will not be able to fulfill the role in your life that your lifetime partner will.

I think it's imperative to be able to choose your life's partner based on
the fact that you love him or her and want to be with that person. Because in the US, where arranged marriages are not the norm, and family pressure to stay married is not so great and divorce is common- marrying someone you don't love or want to be with is almost asking for or insuring certain failure.
Besides the fact that it would be cruel to marry someone you are essentially settling for because you couldn't have who you really wanted.

That's true. Also the reverse, a life partner can't be an entire family to a person.

JL, you make good points about arranged marriages. I like the freedom to choose, but, can't help but think that "thinking of the group first" has been lost on a lot people almost completely. Specifically talking about where I live.

I know of many people who are from Louisiana and it's pretty common there, that's all.

No, not true I wasn't. I happen to know people who lived in Louisiana and know married 1st cousins and it seems to be a common practice.

I disagree. I know several people, including my own mother, who had no extended family, but found and created the only family she would ever have or need with the right lifetime partner (my father).

That seems unhealthy to me. Though I respect that you disagree.

Can't imagine the pressure a person would face when they are expected to be so much to another person. Not just expected, but needed as a sister cousin aunt grandmother grandfather etc.

On a less harsh note, I just think that is kinda sad. That's a lot for a person to miss out on. No matter how wonderful a partner you have, there is nothing to replace a wide social network that supports you.
What would you do if/when the partner was lost to death? Or grew ill? Do it alone?

Like I mentioned before, it's not about biology. I personally know of people - people I love - who have no or very little extended family. Either because of deaths, or the family has scattered apart and is no longer like a living family, or because the biological family didn't act like a family (only in blood).

There certainly are ways to build an extended family of friends, 'surrogates', people who you bring and nurture and are blessed to have in your life.
And it can be as good if not better than an original blood family.

I just can't imagine expecting one person to be all that. Not only does it seem unrealistic, it seems impossible. They just can't.

Sometimes it's not a choice. My mother's mother, father, grandmother and grandfather were dead by the time she was six years old. She was raised in a state orphanage.

She has had a fifty-four year marriage to my father, six children, fifteen grandchildren. I assure you her life has not been unhealthy or unhappy. She's made the best of what was handed to her.

Sometimes you need to understand that everyone's life doesn't fall within the prescribed lines, but they can still make it something wonderful.

That's very much within the prescribed lines. Breeding a family. Looking to the nuclear family as the ideal.

Your mother does sound like a remarkable person though. I can tell you respect her.

She's amazing to me. But she didn't know whether she could have children or not, and neither did my father. But they chose each other first- and that's the way it is for everyone.
I guess I just mean to say that even if you start out as only two people- you can create a family- even if that family is just two people.

But if you stay alone, because your mother and father disapprove of who you would choose to spend your life with- you give up the chance to make your own family.

That seems sad and unfulfilling and ultimately lonely to me, because your mother and father cannot provide the love and companionship a partner can.