Should we move in together? Might it be a mistake?

Hello-

This is my first post here. I joined the group because it seems like such a unique place to get some thoughtful answers to some of life's dilemmas.

I am sorry this is so terribly long-I just want to include all the details that seem important. They might seem a little silly. I think I am a woman who never really grew up when it comes to intimate relationships-or a hormonal menopausal witch? Or am I ignoring a bunch of red flags? I truly don't know and vacillate all the time.

I am a 49 year old woman, never married, and never lived with anyone. I have had a string of relationships with men that have not worked out over the years. I have often wanted the companionship and closeness that come with having a significant other. I have an active social life, have some good friends, and am financially am doing fine-not well off but I own my very small house and have a small inheritance. I work from home. I drive an older car, don't buy a lot of extravagent things, but love my house that is in a very competitive and expensive area in New Jersey. My house is proof to me that I have achieved something tangible and I've worked hard for it. I was lucky in real estate boom from the late 90s and have used common sense in my life.

I finally met a man on the internet last February. We hit it off so well, we have so much in common, our outlook on life is similar, he is creative, attractive, and intelligent. We have a great physical relationship and enjoy many things together. I have a house full of 5 rescued animals and he puts up with all their noise and demands.

He has a teenaged son from a previous marriage and pays sizable child support for his income as a teacher. His son spends ever other weekend with him. He supplements his income with another job. So he doesn't have much extra income.

After ten weeks he began pressing me to move in with me. His job is a 60 mile commute from my house. It is about a 40 minute commute from his apartment. He spends 2 hours a day commuting. He didn't like going to his apartment, getting his stuff, living in two places, feeling neither here nor there. He doesn't like to be alone and began spending every night with me from about 4 weeks into the relationship. So his commute was longer because he chooses to be with me at my house. He is very tired much of the time and I believe he has insomnia. He doesn't seem to have any close friends. Sometimes his social skills are a little lacking, he is self absorbed, shy, and doesn't seem to know how to get out of himself when dealing with some people. He has mildly embarrassed me a few times.But alone with me he is funny and charming. No one is perfect.

I am going to spend about 8000 dollars to fix up my basement and turn it into an extra finished room so he can have some space and so his son can have a proper place to stay on weekends. I want to keep my property mine and not mix $ with him on my property. It will improve the value of the house a little and will make life better having some more space. I am ok with this decision. I don't want to mix $ with him.

At first I welcomed knowing someone loved me so much that they would want to be with me so much. Now I am feeling a little too "joined at the hip." He wants to do everything with me, go everywhere with me. I truly feel that I don't enjoy the privacy I once had. Is this what marriage is like?
I wonder if I don't have the ability to give up my independence and am starting to get bitchy. Little things he does really annoy me. He is always falling asleep when we go out to movies and when we are at home watching tv. He is exhausted because of his insomnia and because he chooses to spend all his time here. He hates tv, I like it, why he watches it with me I don't know-it is as though he will do anything just to be with me. Which I love and hate at the same time. Partly it is because my house is so small, there is nowhere else for him to go. His computer and mixing equipment are at his apartment.

I have welcomed the companionship but found myself complaining to my friends that he was pressuring me too much to move in with me and I told him to back off. He did. He has helped me with some minor electrical stuff around my house and some yard work, we pay for groceries together, we share gas and driving. I realized how much I liked having a man around my life. So
I told him it was ok for him to move in in the fall. ( He had to renew his lease with his landlord for June.) He wasn't sure how to tell his landlord that he would be moving in the fall-since his lease is a contract, so he just told her the truth and he was direct with her about his plans. She was ok with it. I had told him that only if his landlord gave him a hard time about the lease that he could move in here, but that I would prefer he wait until fall so i could set up the basement for him and his son. So what did he tell his landlord? That she could rent the apartment in July, and that he could move move in here in July...Big fight ensued, he apologized, back to fall plans.

So this past weekend, we spent together, had fun, then all of a sudden last night we had a big fight. I was building some shelves in my studio, he was getting ready for bed but was still up so I thought it would be ok with the noise, I then went into the bedroom and asked him if he was having qualms about moving in, was I too neurotic, he said "anything is better than living with his ex wife" and that he was worried I wouldn't respect his boundaries, I was so mad that he made that comment about his ex wife to me. I slept on the couch. He apologized saying he was sorry I took offense, not that what he said was a little rude. Little evasions, little half truths he makes bother me. He says he loves me and that I mean everyting to him, and I feel the same about him-except when I am so annoyed by him.

I asked him not to come over tonight and this has really upset him, we fight over little stupid things, he just annoys me so much sometimes. I am worried we won't get along if he moves in, that it's too soon in our relationship, that he is too much in my face. His reassurances that when he gets his computer here and has a place to retreat to will change things, but I am not so sure...He just can't be alone! I would welcome any advice-I know I need to act like a grown up and make a decision.