20 Years Going Down The Tubes...

Forums: Relationships
Email this Topic • Print this Page

A little background. Married twenty years. When we married she was five foot five and a hundred and nothing pounds. Wow! was she hot.
For the first fifteen years we had sex at least every other day. I have a high sex drive and could easily have done it every single day. She knows that anytime I see her all made up that I can hardly contain myself and just want to devour her.

What happened to my trophy wife?
She still looks good when she bathes, dresses nicely, puts on a little makeup and maybe even a spray of perfume. Unfortuneately, I never see her looking good except for maybe two minutes in the morning before she heads to work. Immediately upon arrival at home she puts on baggy sweatpants, takes her partial teeth out and blobs out on the couch with anything fattening that she can find.
She has turned into a slob who won't bathe on the weekends, dresses like a slob anytime she is at home (the time she is with ME!), won't put her missing teeth partial in and just forget about makeup and hair etc.
I don't want to have sex with a smelly toothless slob! Not that it really matters because she now only wants sex maybe once every week or two...

I have talked until I am blue in the face. It doesn't seem to affect anything. We had a big talk about all of this last friday and here it is monday and she still hasn't bathed. All weekend she wore her famous sweatpants without ever once bathing or brushing her hair or makeup or even a spiff of perfume to cover the body odor smell. She did take time to comment that when I went shopping I didn't purchase any junk food. Plenty of healthy junk food such as strawberrys, blackberries, grapes etc.

Now I'm thinking thoughts about divorce. I've never thought this until the last few years and I really don't want a divorce. Next year I'll be forty years old, I don't want to start all over again.

But, I can see the writing on the wall and I don't want to spend the second half of my life living with a fat odoriferous toothless slob.

Sorry for such a negative opening post - geuss I just needed to vent and see it written out in black and white.

Here's hoping your marriage is better than mine.

Topic Stats
Top Replies
Link to this Topic

Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 2,115 • Replies: 42

No top replies

brutal, Go see a marriage counselor quick. If you continue in that line of thinking, it only reenforces what you continue to think. Stop it! Go seek help. FYI, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and beauty is only skin deep.

0 Replies

She sounds like she might be kind of depressed. Any insight there?

0 Replies

I usually don't venture into the R&M forum but....

If my husband ever refered to me as a "trophy" he could count on no sex for a while. Nobody wants to be somebody else's trophy.

And, I'm curious, has your body changed at all in the last 20 years?

And, like JoeBlow, I was thinking depressed too - the bathing thing is a bit extreme.

BUT the fact that she does still "look good" when she dresses up makes me think that she might be trying to avoid you.

Any insight there?

0 Replies

Wow I really let it all hang out on that first post.
I geuss I'm really more than a little pissed off. The fact is she can still look good and Does for everyone else except Me. She wouldn't dare go to work without her teeth But that is the only way I EVER see her! EVER!
I'm not even worth the effort that she would give to a complete stranger.

I realise it's supposed to be for better and worse but all I ever get to see is the worse then worser then the worst. None of the better is for me anymore. Our sex life is crashing and burning. Crashing and Burning.

She always took it as a compliment when I called her my trophy wife. She actually makes more money than I do so there is a twist to that compliment.
As far as body changes - Yes - I'm starting to get thin on top. I don't like it one little bit.

Quote:

BUT the fact that she does still "look good" when she dresses up makes me think that she might be trying to avoid you.

This is something to think about. Along with, she takes time to look good for Somebody - Just not me (Ooh that hurts and pisses me off)

Thanks folks
Talk to you later

0 Replies

dump her. sex and physical attractiveness are all that matters. you go around only once.

0 Replies

Work with what you've got. If you think she smells, don't get near those parts.

You know, if a woman takes out her teeth, most men could think of something that would require looking in her face.

Bear, would you care to explain?

0 Replies

Nah... it's almost time for the sopranos and it's the eve of my birthday so I've got some pretty bizarre and perverted plans of my own for the evening....

0 Replies

I doubt there's a "Somebody". You would have started with a completely different list of complaints.

I think she just doesn't want to have sex, with you or anybody else. There could be something mentally or physically causing her lack of desire. She should see a doctor.

You getting all suspicious and "hurt" and "pissed off" will only make matters worse.

In fact, if you're being all passive-aggressive about this instead of just talking to her you're probably giving her every reason in the world to avoid you.

0 Replies

Well, I usually come at these things from a different perspective than most here. If you're not happy, leave.

Why should you stay?

I mean, if you leave and she wants you back, talk to a counsellor then and see where that gets you. But if you're not happy, why are you sticking around? And don't give me that guff about not wanting to start over. You don't have to be with anyone at all.

You should think about whether you'd date her today as she is if you had just met her. If not, I think the writing's on the wall.

0 Replies

And I usually come at these things from a completely different perspective than Mame, but in this case I concur.

I don't suggest jumping straight to divorce however. Cases like this -- when you think the grass is greener but haven't lived on the other side of the fence since you were 20 is precisely when a trial separation can let both of you know whether or not you want to stay together.

The fact that you've already talked until you're blue in the face tells me that talking isn't accomplishing anything. You're unhappy, she's ????. Take a break with the idea of seeing whether you are better off together or apart. While apart, see if either of you have the inclination to date each other (don't start dating someone else - it only muddies the waters). Take an honest look at your lives today and decide if this is what you (each of you) want. It takes two to participate in a marriage. At this point, she has stopped participating.

0 Replies

OMG - we totally agree, JPB! Smile

The trial sep. is a great idea (I was not advocating divorce, btw)...and going to counselling during the separation, if so inclined. Also strongly agree with the no dating others. Distance often helps with clarity.

0 Replies

I knew it. I had that feeling that all that's really left is a seperation/divorce. If we were seperated there would be no getting back together.
I'm sitting here typing on the computer and she is blobbed out on the couch WITHOUT her teeth, of course. Work blouse is still on and a different pair of sweatpants. I geuss I should be happy that it is a different pair than the pair she wore all weekend.
You know, a coupla weeks ago I asked her to put her teeth in for a sexual rendevous and she refused Shocked

. She was willing to have sex but she was not going to put her teeth in. That's pretty bad. I ended up mowing the lawn and manually relieving the tension in the shower afterwards.
Another time we started something and I made mention of a strong distinct body odor and maybe we should take a rinse off shower before we got busy. NO Deal. I ended up watching tv that time.
Guess I'll have to start giving a lot more planning to divorce. If anyone else was telling me what I'm telling you all then I would tell them the same thing. It seems soo clear to me now.

0 Replies

Well, not so fast... something tells me that you wanted to hear what you just heard and see this as a validation of your preferred choice. Just because two of us who almost never agree on relationship issues agree on a suggested first step doesn't mean there are no other options. And neither one of us thinks you need to start divorce proceedings.

What makes you so sure that a separation would be fatal to your marriage?

0 Replies

This is getting scary - my first thought was that he agreed far too readily... and we were not telling you what to do... it was a suggestion based on the very limited and one-sided information brutalhonesty gave. I would never so readily take advice from strangers, so the fact that you leapt at this makes me pause.

I am terse and somewhat flippant in these threads because so often people know exactly what they should do and to give strangers their side in 5 min or less and expect a decent reply doesn't sit well with me.

Think long and hard about what it is you have, what you're losing, and what you have to gain.

Then think again.

Talk to people who know the both of you.

0 Replies

Quote:

What makes you so sure that a separation would be fatal to your marriage?

Would you date someone that you know doesn't bathe from thursday to monday, won't keep their teeth in, dresses like a slob anytime they are alone with you (dream on about nice hair and/or makeup) and doesn't seem to really want sex at all anymore?

I would love to be married to the woman I was married to for the first fifteen plus years. Sadly she has been replaced by this slob who couldn't care less what I think or desire. Strangely enough, she cares what other people think. They get her 'A' game and I get no game at all.
Everybody thinks I have this great good looking wife when, in fact, THEY have a great good looking friend at work and I have a fat smelly toothless slob that won't even try at home.

I'm glad I came here and wrote this - It made me look at my situation from an outside perspective and pretty much cemented what had been flickering in the back of my mind.

It's okay Mame and Jpb. It wasn't completely your advice that convinced me. Like you said I came here looking for validation and I found it - in reading my own writings.
This has been building for about three years now. I came here at the end of the story so to speak. I've already lost the woman I married.

0 Replies

Quote:

Would you date someone that you know doesn't bathe from thursday to monday, won't keep their teeth in

No. And I wouldn't want to live in the same house with them either. I don't think the not bathing is a small or "only skin deep" issue.

If you love her, I'd try to see if you could talk with her and get her to tell you what's going on so you could work it out. If you don't (and I could see how the physical issues you mention here would be a real turn off- and quickly turn "love" into regret or disgust) you're not doing her any favors by sticking around while looking at her with disgust.

Essentially, as you said, she's not the same person you married. Maybe you would still love that person, but find this person less appealing. It'd be one thing if it was something she couldn't help- but these are issues she can easily do something about and is choosing not to- despite the fact that she knows it makes you uncomfortable and sad.

Maybe she'd rather have the freedom to sit around smelly and toothless without anyone looking at her in judgment- maybe that's why she's doing it- maybe this is her way of telling you she's had enough of whatever you guys once had.

0 Replies

Humm...hmm. I hate hearing about these situations...married for XX years, now thinking about divorce. I think at some point you have to accept that your partner is not going to look hot and sexy their whole life. The plan is not to get married until one of you doesn't look hot anymore and then ditch that one and pick up a new partner. That's cheating the game. But your wife isn't to that point yet, she's still pretty, but she's emotionally getting there because she's tired of dressing up and she's getting lazy.

Let me ask you something, how do you feel about your wife's personality in general, as a friend? Is it something that you would miss having around or do you basically just put up with her for the attraction? That's sort of the message I get. If that is the case then I think a trial separation is not a bad idea, as long as you are willing to accept the consequences of that-- one way or the other.

0 Replies

Well, me, I think she's been dealing with a nincompoop and, given a nincompoop and real life, has gotten reactive in a depressive way, way, gaining weight.

I'm not saying she's right, but you sound rather uninterested in how anyone, never mind your spouse, might think.

0 Replies

Ack, I didn't see the rest of the thread.

Thus, who knows what I think by now.

0 Replies

20 Years Going Down The Tubes...

Related Topics

Quick Links

My Account

able2know