I fell asleep! She's PISSED!!!!

Bi-Polar Bear wrote:

that's why I have always, ALWAYS....ALWAYS made sure the woman gets off first.
[color]

...Primarily because it takes 4.5 seconds to get you off if you put your mind to it.

If we said, you have 1 minute...you guys would make it.
:wink:

Us, not so much.

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I'd be pissed too...but not enough to leave over.

This isn't about sex...as most everyone else has noted.

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Bella Dea wrote:

Bi-Polar Bear wrote:
that's why I have always, ALWAYS....ALWAYS made sure the woman gets off first.
[color]

...Primarily because it takes 4.5 seconds to get you off if you put your mind to it.

If we said, you have 1 minute...you guys would make it.
:wink:

Us, not so much.

that is absolutely patently false. If we get off that fast it's because we're fantasizing about someone hotter than you. Think about that next time and every time miss thing. Razz

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I am in 100% agreement with Bear.

A man has no business getting off first.

Bad policy.

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what aboiut 69? best of both worlds

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how about 68? You eat me and I'll owe you one....

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Bi-Polar Bear wrote:

Bella Dea wrote:
Bi-Polar Bear wrote:
that's why I have always, ALWAYS....ALWAYS made sure the woman gets off first.
[color]

...Primarily because it takes 4.5 seconds to get you off if you put your mind to it.

If we said, you have 1 minute...you guys would make it.
:wink:

Us, not so much.

that is absolutely patently false. If we get off that fast it's because we're fantasizing about someone hotter than you. Think about that next time and every time miss thing.

If it will get you the hell off me when I'm ready for you to get the hell off me, please feel free to use whatever means necessary. :wink:

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tsk

aren't you finished YET?

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The most critical thing said so far is...

Quote:

She says too little too late.

In other words, she has already written you off, she's closed her mind to you, and the only reason she's staying with you is some combination of laziness and fear. Not a good thing for you!

Re: OGOINK vs. JPB -- I can see both of your sides on this.

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Bella Dea wrote:

Bi-Polar Bear wrote:
Bella Dea wrote:
Bi-Polar Bear wrote:
that's why I have always, ALWAYS....ALWAYS made sure the woman gets off first.
[color]

...Primarily because it takes 4.5 seconds to get you off if you put your mind to it.

If we said, you have 1 minute...you guys would make it.
:wink:

Us, not so much.

that is absolutely patently false. If we get off that fast it's because we're fantasizing about someone hotter than you. Think about that next time and every time miss thing.

If it will get you the hell off me when I'm ready for you to get the hell off me, please feel free to use whatever means necessary. :wink:

who said anything about getting on you? Just turn to the side and relax....

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Thanks, Folks!
To clarify, we work together. I have not called her business a sinking ship. We have discussed the need to CHANGE the focus. Her concern is the employees and the clients. I say: What about YOU, ME, and the kids????

Someone said she is feeling taken for granted. Possibly. I do not want her to be suzy homemaker. I want her to take a breath. Smell the coffee. Let me pay the way......

We can afford for her to work part time. I think deep down she wants the pressure. I don't think she wants to NEED me.

How can I convey that we can live the rest of our lives with LESS PRESSURE. This doesn't mean she has to be subordinate. Just relaxed!

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OGIONIK wrote:

She wants to know you dont need her. The men who dont give in to females make the best mates, are more dependable, and are more desirable than men who give in easily to female dramatics. But dont be an ****, give her an orgasm to blow her mind and she should be fine. let her know in the relationship you are both equal, but you are the man. you both have needs to take care of and hers is security( the male usually provides this), which her slumping business might be taking away from her. If the relationship is truly one-sided she has the right to complain, though.

If she doesnt want to be with you let her leave, u know the bird flying away saying, if she doesnt come back it wasnt meant to be.

Ogionik, I don't know who you are but you are one guy I would never date. The above is a bunch of codswallop. I agree with every comment JPB made, but the one comment I particularly noticed in your paragraph is ... "... let her know in the relationship you are both equal, but you are the man..." Laughing

lol Let her know you are 'the man' so..... what...?

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Dumass58 wrote:

Thanks, Folks!
To clarify, we work together. I have not called her business a sinking ship. We have discussed the need to CHANGE the focus. Her concern is the employees and the clients. I say: What about YOU, ME, and the kids????

You work together -- it's "her business." Is she your boss? I'm confused about how that all works, can you clarify a bit more?

Quote:

Someone said she is feeling taken for granted. Possibly. I do not want her to be suzy homemaker. I want her to take a breath. Smell the coffee. Let me pay the way......

And if she doesn't want to?

Quote:

We can afford for her to work part time. I think deep down she wants the pressure. I don't think she wants to NEED me.

She can not want to without it being about that, necessarily. Maybe she just enjoys working. I loved working and am looking forward to going back.

She may enjoy financial independence, too, without it being about an allergy to needing you or whatever. Do you need to be needed?

Quote:

How can I convey that we can live the rest of our lives with LESS PRESSURE. This doesn't mean she has to be subordinate. Just relaxed!

And, again, if she doesn't want to...? (Not very relaxing if it's not what she wants to be doing and she feels forced into it.)

Why is it so important to YOU?

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Dumass58 wrote:

She truly feels overworked. She is a control freak who takes time out to complain about doing it all.

For 12 years she supported the family with her small business. Over the past 5 years, my carreer has taken off and her business has slumped. She does not like the fact that she no longer needs to work.

I support her carreer. I respect her work. I simply do not want her to kill herself on a sinking ship. When i call it a sinking ship, I'm insulting her.

That all adds up to: I can't win.

Right above you said "When I call it a sinking ship...." I don't understand either you called it a sinking ship or you didn't. Either way it would appear that you have insinuated that it was a sinking ship. What words did you use exactly then?

I agree with sozobe - so what if she doesn't need to work. Also, prior to your great promotions, etc. that got you where you were - did you need to work or was her salary sufficient? How would you feel if you were told to work part time when you wanted a career? Simply because she is a woman does not mean that your career is more important and simply because you possibly earn more doesn't either.

One thing about your comments is that it makes me appreciate my husband so much more. Presently we do not have that option - one person not working, but my husband has always said once his business get strong enough I would not have to work - unless of course I wanted to. He respects me enough to give this as an option.

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I'm sorry. I did not explain.
Her business has changed. 17 years ago she owned the only nail salon in town. Today, she is one of many. The prices that the competition charges is too low.
Her interests have morphed into a NEW business. She makes handmade soap and lotions. This began out of necessity (using on clients). Now she sells the stuff wholesale and retail.

The nail clients and employees are hampering her ability to grow the new business. We AGREE that the salon needs to go away. The problem is, she needs a place for her clients to go and for her employees to work.
We are looking for someone to buy the salon, or for another salon that will rent her space.

If she can stop being the boss of a salon; she'll apply herself fulltime to soapmaking. That job is less stressfull than being the first in and last out of the salon.

Again: I am not a jerk! I just fell asleep.

I

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Where is the argument in that last post? You both agree that the salon needs to go away. She's in the process of making that happen.

Is it that you want her to just walk away right now, abandon employees and clients, and she wants to see the transition through?

What do you do? Work at the salon, work in the soap + lotion business...?

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I used to work at the salon. We opened a second location for a few years.
Now, I help where I can by picking up and delivering. Or cleaning and building shelves.
I have a regular job with health insurance. I am an outside sales rep, so I have a lot of flexability to help her.

The most the salon ever made was about $50K. That supported our young family.

Over the past three years the salon has LOST $30K per year!!! This has come out of my income.

She knows this and is terribly depressed. It is aweful to watch this. She is too GOOD to abandon her employees and clients. This makes MORE stress.

All I can figure is that her self esteem is at rock bottom. She thinks she is a failure.
"Nobody else works as hard as I do" Why don't I have money?

Well, when I do a lousy job housecleaning (or fall asleep at the wrong time), she seems to feel better when she makes me feel bad.

I insist that I will make the relationship work. I will earn her forgiveness whatever it takes.

Today, she said she will NEVER forgive me. The marriage is OVER. I will never change.

I am POSITIVE that our relationship will EXCELL without the added stress of the salon. If she is creating potions and lotions side-by-side with the kids in her "Studio" rather than kissing the buts of spoiled clients; she will feel better and WE will have time to rediscover LIFE like normal people (work regular hours. Share spare time).

If this has explained my situation, does anybody have any suggestions?

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Your relationship can improve rapidly
Help with your angry wife.

Most of the problem between the two of you is that your wife is very angry with you. Somewhat because she feels that you put her down, but mostly because she feels that you do not understand her problems and you cannot hear her.

Because she is very angry with you it is hard for you to listen to her, which makes the problem worse. The natural tendency is to defend yourself when she attacks.

Make a promise to yourself...for one full day (24 hours) do not defend yourself when she seems angry with you. Instead, listen to her as closely as you can. Don't say much...just listen attentively. Ask her to tell you more when she starts to talk with you.

Try it. Then let me know what happens.

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Ok, now I have enough information to where I'm comfortable enough to respond.
Your wife is obviously very independant (like myself) and I can only imagine how insecure she's feeling at this time.
She had a successful career that has taken a major loss and this has to be devistating for her.
Speaking for myself, I need to have my own financial means and am totally not secure with the thought of someone else providing for me. I want my own money to spend as I please, which eliminates any chance of anyone having any control over me.
I am in no way telling you that you're trying to control her. I'm just explaining how I personally feel, while thinking this may be how she feels.
My point is that she doesn't seem to be the type of person who can just take a step back and chill. She needs to make her own security to truly feel secure.
I know I'm a mess when I don't have my independance.

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Dumass58 wrote:

I used to work at the salon. We opened a second location for a few years.
Now, I help where I can by picking up and delivering. Or cleaning and building shelves.
I have a regular job with health insurance. I am an outside sales rep, so I have a lot of flexability to help her.

The most the salon ever made was about $50K. That supported our young family.

Over the past three years the salon has LOST $30K per year!!! This has come out of my income.

She knows this and is terribly depressed. It is aweful to watch this. She is too GOOD to abandon her employees and clients. This makes MORE stress.

All I can figure is that her self esteem is at rock bottom. She thinks she is a failure.
"Nobody else works as hard as I do" Why don't I have money?

It sounds depressing, to be sure.

Quote:

Well, when I do a lousy job housecleaning (or fall asleep at the wrong time), she seems to feel better when she makes me feel bad.

Or maybe she feels better when she tells you how she's feeling -- and when she tells you how she's feeling that makes you feel bad.

Quote:

I insist that I will make the relationship work. I will earn her forgiveness whatever it takes.

Today, she said she will NEVER forgive me. The marriage is OVER. I will never change.

Insisting is quite different from demonstrating. This indicates that she thinks you should be doing something differently from what you're doing. Perhaps insisting that she quit the nail salon is it. I don't know.

Quote:

I am POSITIVE that our relationship will EXCELL without the added stress of the salon. If she is creating potions and lotions side-by-side with the kids in her "Studio" rather than kissing the buts of spoiled clients; she will feel better and WE will have time to rediscover LIFE like normal people (work regular hours. Share spare time).

There is simply no way of knowing this, and your certainty is itself a concern. Working with kids around is DIFFICULT. It's very hard to concentrate, and the kids get frustrated when the parent is there but unavailable. (How old are the kids?) I work part-time at home but do almost all of my work when my daughter is elsewhere. My romantic ideas of working while she played nearby turned out to be highly unrealistic.

Quote:

If this has explained my situation, does anybody have any suggestions?

Counseling. The further you explain, the more there seem to be underlying issues of which the specific problems you mention are mere symptoms.

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I fell asleep! She's PISSED!!!!

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