Separate Vacations

I've taken a few separate vacations from my husband, four days tops, and we missed each other awfully but I had a wonderful time doing my thing and he assured me that he had a wonderful time too.

My husband travels a LOT (he's been out of town more than he's been in town so far in March), so I do the solo thing fairly often. It has its positives and negatives.

I have traveled without him before and will in the future too, including some planned trips with just me and sozlet. Those are about him being too busy to go with us, and saving airfare/ hotel costs, though.

So "traveling independently" I have no problem with and happens a lot. Personally, "separate vacations" seems weird since for us we so rarely have any vacation of any kind (E.G.'s many travels are for work), it'd seem just mean-spirited or something to not vacation together.

That's me though, and I don't see anything intrinsically wrong with separate vacations. Depends on the circumstances and individuals involved.

OMG Linkat, I'm starting to think we've done a Vulcan mind meld. On the other thread I was thinking about bringing up separate vacations as one of those things people might feel like an oddball about. However, I figured that would get me knifed in the back on the Ides of March.

Mr. Tea enjoys seeing his relatives each year in the Fall. I love his family and have gone with him, but beyond visiting with the family there not a lot for me to do. He has a great time going hunting, visiting old chums and going over old times, shooting a targets, seeing who built a new house and stuff.

Last time I stayed home and enjoyed myself just doing what I wanted. Museum, reading, long walks in the park.

It was heaven.

I also would not mind taking a solo vacation. I guess I am an oddball. Go ahead knife me in the back!

That's how it happens here too. I've returned to my hometown to visit family and friends and frankly, not having my husband there has been a boon. I don't have to worry about whether he's having a good time too or if he's bored out of his skull. I can run with my girlfriends all day and all night and not have to think about getting back to the hotel or wherever he is. In the meantime, he's at home doing his thing or he goes to visit his family, sits in the den with his brother all day drinking beer and watching CNN and everybody's happy.

I celebrated my b-day with two girlfriends in NYC for a weekend. We walked for miles and shopped from Wall Street to Harlem. No way would my husband be ready for that.

No way.

quoing eoe -
We walked for miles and shopped from Wall Street to Harlem. No way would my husband be ready for that.



That sounds like great fun...

It was. Memorable.

We do both, separate and together, but I usually have more fun when I'm with my sisters and girlfriends - our tastes are very different. He also travels a fair bit and I enjoy my time alone. I'm actually looking at doing some camp cooking this summer - I'll be able to have an adventure and be on my own. I really like it.

So, in summary, I'm all for it, and don't think it's odd at all

Oh, and in response to separate bedrooms, I'd love it. He watches tv till the wee hours and then snores; I read and hit the sack a lot earlier. I also like to stretch out over the whole bed when he's gone, so I'm becoming a bed-hog

Every summer, I spend a few days in New York City by myself. I see my doctor, visit friends, some from A2K, and soak in the essence of the "Big Apple". I have been doing this for years, and find it to be a pleasant respite.

I used to visit old friends without my husband sometimes - for example, a friend was doing a public health administration internship and later pretty big job in a city I liked, San Francisco. I flew there and spent a great week, walking the city, camera in hand, while she was at work, and catching up with her and her life and vice versa. She's one of the three people who gave me any beginning clue about art and creativity..
We visited her together in a southwestern city when she was doing some more public health work.

I had an art show in Sacramento that I went to with the folks associated with the show, stayed a week surrounding the opening, then was wafted away by long time gurlfriends to the SF peninsula, where we stayed at one's home and visited a lot of local gardens, like Filoli. A few months later, I picked up the unsolds and drove to see another friend, then back to LA.

I'm sure there were a few other occasions like that. But mostly we liked getting 'away' together. Or, to put it more correctly, I'd natter that we needed a break, he'd be resistant, I'd stop nattering, he'd say, ok, let's go, and we'd pack quickly and take off in the car, perhaps the next day, to parts not so far away, usually central coastal California, and virtually always had a great time, once we got an hour from the house and his writing desk.

People have different psychological "genes"; I was born to travel, or, if not born, raised to want to travel, fed by my only-child who'd moved a lot isolation, my grammar school geography classes, lots of childhood car and train trips, and years of reading - travel, vicarious or real, always feeds my energy level.

I've done the vacation alone with the kids cause Bear couldn't get away. I think that's different than seperate vacations.

We have totally opposite ideas of what would be an ideal vacation, with him preferring climbing a mountain or kayaking and me prefering a quiet getaway with tea and a good book... time for thought and relaxation.

I've encouraged him to go do his thing, but he hasn't yet. I hope he will.

Squinney, maybe there are potential spots where you and kiddoes can stay at base camp and he can flit off up the mountain... (given the lottery, etc.)

Personally, I think that it is very healthy for couples, especially couples who have been married a long time, to get away by themselves for a short period of time.

I have a friend who is a widow. She has a friend whose husband is deeply involved in the local yacht club. The wife loves to travel. So my friend the widow, and the yachtsman's wife go many places together, including cruises and trips to Europe.

I have another friend, whose husband wants to play golf, and not do too much else. For years, she has gone out to dinner, theatre, etc. with a female friend, and travels with her too.

I'm all for time of separate recreation.

As one of his coping mechanisms, Mr. Noddy tends to dominate conversations and after 30-odd years I've heard his conversations. Listening to other people is both relaxing and restoring.

Also, I have no interest in browsing hardware stores. He's not fond of art galleries (unless he's reminded of something....)

I don't find my stepsons restful company--but my stepsons are his beloved kids.

"One flesh" doesn't mean marching in perpetual lockstep.

Since one of us has to stay here (re taking care for my mother and aunt), we don't have had holidays together since more then three years now.

We have been away seperately now and then before as well - but not for all days away.

It works, but both of us really don't want to spend three weeks alone.
(So we go more often and shorter :wink: )

when i was still working for a paycheque , i had to be away on occasion for a day or two , but other than that we have usually taken our vacations and trips togethet - works great for us .
the only time we spent apart - 3 months - was after we had been in canda for 5 years and we had to decide : stay in canada or go back to germany . so mrs h and ehbeth went to germany to check around . after two weeks mrs h wrote : i want to go home now (to canada :wink: ) .
i went for two weeks at the end of those 3 months and we all came "home together" !
after i had worked for the company for a few years , i was usually able to take mrs h along on business trips - some even company paid .
gave us a chance to visit spain , NYC , chicago , philadelphia , miami , texas , montreal , quebec city ... we sure enjoyed it - no reason to change it now .
hbg

I think it's healthy- my vacations with my girlfriends are a lot different than ones with my boyfriend- we have different interests- I think it makes the relationship more exciting to get aways from each other every once in a while, and it's a good opportunity to reconnect with friends that are hard to spend time with in the regular day to day.

Since my husband is away a lot, we have lots of time apart...
We do take separate vacations, generally because we cannot find the time to go together.
We try and have one holiday together every year, though.

Two years ago we went to Austria for a week and then to Corsica for two weeks, that was great, we'd never had three weeks together (outside home) before.
Last year, we skipped summer holidays, since our baby was born, but went to the States for three weeks around christmas.
This year it's supposed to be two weeks on Elba.

Additionally I take short trips to London on my own once or twice a year.
I'd love to take my husband, but usually he cannot manage it.
I went to Egypt twice on my own for some SCUBA exams, and hopefully will be going to Portugal in autumn this year.

Generally I prefer holidays together, but I'm not going to be sitting at home twiddeling my thumbs just because he cannot make it!

Separate Vacations
I totally disagree with the separate vacations. It seems to me that if one spouse wants to vacation separately, what that spouse is really saying is that he/she needs a vacation from the other.

Many psychologists believe that separate vacations is a road to divorce. If you need a break from your spouse, there are much deeper issues. I would never think of going on a vacation without my husband and if I did, I would have to think about why.