Peter2007 wrote:Im 40 and shes 30 maybe thats the problem. How do I make her understand that what is happening in our marriage is a normal thing??
Take her to several marriage counselors that all tell her the same thing you're telling her
Peter2007 wrote:I know shes looking for passion in our marriage. She seems to want the butterflies she first felt when we got together. But after 10 years those come and go for both of us. Somehow she cant except that. We started to become more like best friends that comfort and support each other no matter what. I see that as the normal evolution of any long term relationship. She sees it as a sign the relationship is failing.
Okay, so what exactly are you looking to us for? Confirmation that you're right? Advice about how to deal with her?
advice on how to deal with her
First, I would ascertain what exactly was the problem. Is she missing the passion or you not attentive to her? What is the issue, precisely?
Then I would proceed from there. Sometimes letting someone vent is enough.
It's hard for me to tell exactly what the problem is.
I confronted her last night. I asked her what she needed from me. Her words were, "I don't know." I asked her if she wanted to see a therapist together (she is seeing one right now) and she said yes. She told me that I communicate with double meanings? Here's an example. Last night I told her that one of my biggest fears is that she will leave and look back and realize that she made a mistake. I love and care for her very much and to see her upset like that would kill me. Well that pissed her off and she accused me of "double talking" and trying to guilt her into staying. That was a truly sincere statement and she just went ballistic.
Btw, everyone who has read this thread knows just as much about the situation as I do. Can you all imagine trying to sort things out but only what you have read here? That's the spot I'm in right now.
Go to counseling.
She's agreed, follow through, do it, go from there.
If the counselor is half-good then he or she can provide much more insight and help than we can. Part of that is being able to elicit a LOT more information, part of it is being able to see both sides of the story, part of it is being able to see the non-verbal cues, and part of it is that a counselor is y'know trained to do this.
Maybe you'll find a way to stay together, maybe you'll find that you need to break up, but a counselor is your way out of limbo. Go.
Glad she's agreed to go, best of luck.
Peter--
If you told me that one of your biggest fears is that I might be going to make a mistake, I'd be annoyed too.
"I love you. I adore you. I think you're going to mess up."
This is not romantic. This is a man being superior and announcing that he has better judgement than I do.
I was 100% sincere with my statement. I never meant to sound superior. I just don't want her to ever feel alone after the dust settles that's all.
She called me at work today and asked about counseling. I found a 1 day workshop called "Conflict resolution for couples" I registered us for April 14th. Its small I know, but it's a start.
OMG noddy you may be right. The more I read that the more I see how it could be misinterpreted. Is this all my fault? Have I been talking like that for the last ten years? I never ever meant to be a double talking passive aggressive man. I thought I was just sharing my thoughts. Damn!!!
Peter--
The trouble with the Male Protective Instinct is that the male assumes he is stronger, more resourceful and more intelligent than the woman he choses to protect.
This view was always flawed and now it is outdated as well.
buy her flowers,take her to a suprise dinner, remind her she is beautiful everyday.
Katie--
I'm thinking that his Lady Love doesn't want to be pampered--she wants to be respected and taken seriously.
yes i agree take her seriously but pampering is nice to. every girl needs to be told she is beautiful
Katie--
Have you read all the posts on this thread or are you just jumping in at the end?
im jumping in at the end i read his part and gave my opinion..
Re: Ladies!!! I need your help!!!!
Peter2007 wrote:After all the clouds have cleared I have realized that its not that I don't want to do all of the things she wants, I have forgotten how!!!
Help me!!!!!
You don't have to do all that garbage. That stuff is a load of bullshit that only happens in fairy tales and the dreams of twelve-year-old girls. Tell your wife to wake up and smell the urine- and crap-stained real world.
Katie--
By taking a short cut, you missed the point of the discussion.
