married man's messages--mindreader wanted

Do you want to stay with him?

Noddy, I agree with what you said about the wife and mistress and how they fit into his regime.

Are you saying that he is trying to make me have a show down with him because what would he gain out of that? I know people have major bust ups and then end up in bed together, but that would be fantasyland in my frame of mind.

Is he trying to get some sort of reaction out of me, or does he want me out of his life completely and he doesn't care how he goes about it?

Who cares?

If you are done with him, be done with him.

Do you know what you want?

I think that if I continue or rather tried to resume things, then there would be absolutely no future in it. I am always thinking that he will change his mind because he does blow hot and cold. People can say Yes and then they can say No.
The problem is that he is unreliable and that I think this is a character trait which is accentuated by the affair as that encourages unreliability by its very nature. However no one is perfect and yes I do love him.

I have been so patient with him and tried understanding him when he talks about his favourite topic, "himself". He has confided in me about his children and is interested in my opinions on them, and he hasn't mentioned his wife except to imply that she was cold, ignored him, they have nothing in common and that he wishes his life had taken a different course at age 28 (when he got married). It is such a wrench to leave even though it is cutting me up, but for my well being I do not want to be the other woman any longer. As I have said I find his exit strategy extremley hurtful because I would have behaved differently and had concern for his feelings.
I would not have given him false hope that I might be back and delayed him getting on with his life. That is just not my style.

Sorry to go on about this but I am in some pain.

I'm just trying to make sure that you are ready to break up with him once and for all. It's possible that he's already broken up with you and that's that. But since there is some precedent for him "blowing hot and cold" as you say, I think you need to be certain in your own mind of what you want to do, and then do it.

If you're uncertain, then you'll be sending a mixed message which is I think the last thing you want to do.

Questions...

Why are you involved with a married man?


Do you really belive this wife is the ogre he makes her out to be?



You're going to do what you're going to do. So far you've taken every comment here, which has been of the same opinion, and turned it around into something that involves staying with him.

What is it you want to hear? I think you've received very clear messages.

I can't stand it when the other woman thinks she has any reason to complain about anything her married lover is doing.

It's a big joke if you ask me and you have no business expecting anything from or of him.

Move on.

Bravo.

I have to agree with Bella completely there. I was trying to think of a nice way of putting it, trying to say the same thing she did.

Well, you know me....Mrs. Nicey Nice.

ditto.



you are NOT the wife distraught. Once you get that clear in your head you'll move on.

Wife is not a word for some insignificant person who barely counts in this relationship. She has priority over you.

He and his wife are the base, you are not essential. You're just there for a man's convenience

Bella and I think a lot alike in this respect....who are you to come between a husband and wife? Do you raise his children, take care of his home, make sure bills are paid, take care of him when he's sick?

Or are you just there for sex and occassional meal at a restaurant.

You know what?

Get your own man, he's taken.

That's because we are both smokin' hot, deadly funny, outragously smart women. We gotta stick together ya know.

damn straight

we keep our men satisfied....like a chesterfield.




I can bring home the bacon,
Ba da da dum...

Fry it up in a pan,
Ba da da dum...

And never ever let you forget you're a man....

Because I'm a WOMAN...

I'm a W. O. M. A. N....say it again.

Back off sistah!!

Hi there--just read my post and you should be thankful--he has done you a big favour.
My mm lost interest every time I said I wanted to discuss the affair BECAUSE to him, it was just a bit of fun. He still wanted me on a bit of string though so he could try and come back again (the longer he left me to stew the easier it was to resume on HIS terms).
You need to walk away to show him you are serious and you will not be his play thing. If you get sucked into his little games, the more he will play with you and possibly hope that you will be relieved to have him back on any terms, and they will be HIS.

It could also be that from is point of view he has said, by words and actions, that he is not leaving his wife and you should know that, so he gets fed up if you start wanting more. He will not take into account your emotions--men are black and white--he doesn't have to pretend he is leaving to keep you in a relationship (in his mind).

When you told him that you loved him he backed right off--that should tell you that he was scared--he didn't want the responsibility of an emotionally dependant female--he already has the wife for that and he is fed up with that to a degree.
I got some harsh comments on my thread and that is exactly what I needed to get on with my life and I am doing. My ex also tried to play with my heartstrings but I now realise this was just pettiness because he wasn't getting me on his terms anymore, so he acted childishly and spiteful and I ignored it.

Believe me, he is only interested in himself and what suits him. This is clear because his wife is suspicious and he is protecting that relationship and taking it out on you because he can. He knows he is losing you and things are closing in around him. I think he is also keeping his options open for the future BUT you shouldn't let him have the option.

So cut all contact, try and avoid the cafe or wherever he goes. He will get a message from that alone. Let him wonder what you are up to for a change. He may even get back some respect for you, but he wont if you jump back in the sack with him when he decides the dust has settled at home.
Hope this helps and it will get better trust me, and then one day you will find that he doesn't occupy your thoughts so much and you go from strength to strength. Good luck and treat the relationship as at an end for good or you will drive yourself mad.

Hey, now, I'm not castigating for the behavior, but -- well, c'mon, if you jump on the bed you can't come crying when you fall off.

oh no p-dog....you're drug into this now....don't go trying to crawfish your way out of this one.

You want some bacon?

Chai, Bella etc, I know what you are saying but let's try and help distraught to move on as best we can, given that she is involved.

Also, although some other women are just a married man's bit of fun etc, some do actually leave their marriage, so let's not forget that fact without going into the rights or wrongs of it.

baconbaconbaconbaconbaconbaconbaconbaconbaconbaconbaconbacon!

Distraught is the only one who can move on. She knows what she has to do. Beyond this we're all just repeating ourselves.

Why not go into the rights and wrongs of it trophy?

From what I'm reading distraught sounds like a selfish person without a thought in the world for the havoc she's creating. She wants her cake and eat it too, and that's not how it goes.

The way she says suspicious wife cracks me up. Like the wife of the man she's screwing around with isn't supposed to get in the way with her little thoughts.
From what distraught says, this wife is the only potentially honorable person in the picture.

The married man is a liar, he lies to the woman he took vows with.
Distraught is living a lie, having sex with a man who is breaking his vows.

Huh, why shouldn't the wife be suspicious, she has something to suspect, and she's right.

If distraught loves this sneak so much, why doesn't she go to the wife and inform her that her that she just needs to get out of the picture so she and "her married man" can get on with their lives.

I have yet to meet a woman who's involved with a married man be brave enough to confront this woman who is obviously so inadequate....yeah right.

I'll say it again, she needs to get a man of her own. Then, when she suspects her wonderful man is cheating, well, I have no idea.

Isn't that like asking me to give just a little more heroin to a drug addict to make it easier to quit?

The only way to move on is to MOVE ON which she isn't interested in doing.